ࡱ> ce`ab5@ R&bjbj22 8XX&:::::::NN $RW:ʖʖʖ::Żʖ.::ʖ0:: ЙtE;ۻ0 *NN:::::xTtȒNNa2d$̦NN2dSelections from the movie YOU'VE GOT MAIL by Nora Ephron & Delia Ephron based on: The Shop Around the Corner By Nikolaus Laszlo (1) FRANK: (to himself) Amazing. (to Kathleen) Th-, this is amazing. Listen to thisthe, the entire work force of the state of Virginia had to have solitaire removed from their computers because they hadn't done any work in six weeks. KATHLEEN: Thats so sad. FRANK: D- Do you know what this is KATHLEEN: No. FRANK: what we're seeing here? KATHLEEN: What? FRANK: Its the end of Western civilization as we know it. (kisses Kathleen) KATHLEEN: Oh! Hey, are, aren't you late? FRANK: Technology! Name me one thing, one, that we gain from technology. KATHLEEN: Electricity? FRANK: Thats one. You think this machines your friend, but it's notI'm outta here. KATHLEEN: Ah, see you tonight. FRANK: Sushi! KATHLEEN: Sushi! Bye. (2) KATHLEEN: (reading Joes letter aloud) Brinkley is my dog. He loves the streets of New York as much as I do JOE: (continuing to read his own letter aloud)although he likes to eat bits of pizza and bagel off the sidewalk, and I prefer to buy them. Brinkley is a great catcher, was offered a tryout on the Mets farm teambut he chose to stay with me, so that he could spend 18 hours a day sleeping on a large green pillow the size of an inner tube. Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. PATRICIA: Ready? JOE: Whoa! PATRICIA: Im almost ready. JOE: (letter) ...I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils PATRICIA: Did you turn it on? JOE: (letter) ...if I knew your name and address. PATRICIA: I need a double today. JOE: (letter) On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms. PATRICIA: Did you push it? JOE: Yeah, yes, I pushed it. PATRICIA: Goodness, I'm late. Random House fired Dick Atkins. Good riddance. Murray Chilton died, which makes one less person I'm not speaking toHurry, hurry, hurry! Ulgh! Ha! Vince got a great review. He'll be insufferable. Uh, tonight, Pen dinner JOE: Am I going? PATRICIA: Joe Fox, you promised. JOE: Its black tie. PATRICIA: Ooo, oh, mm! JOE: Can't I just give money instead and, what is it this week?? Free Albanian writers? PATRICIA: Ohh, oooo! JOE: I'm in favor of that. PATRICIA: Ohh, oooo, oooo! JOE: OK, Ill go! Ill go. You're late. PATRICIA: I know, I know. (3) COMPUTER: You've got mail. (Brinkley is panting) JOE: Youve got mail! (to Brinkley) All right, now, get out, get out, get out! KATHLEEN: (Kathleens voice, reading letter to Joe) Dear Friend, I like to start my notes to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends, as opposed to what we actually are, people who don't know each other's namesand met in a chat room where we both claimed we'd never been before. What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it connects, I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you. (4) KATHLEEN: Mmmcant beat that! CHRISTINA: Scotch tape? What is going on with you? KATHLEEN: (giggling) Nothing! CHRISTINA: You're in love. KATHLEEN: In love? No, no. Oh, yes! Thats right! I'm in love with Frank. I'm practically living with Frank. Hmmm. Well. Ah, do you think you could get our Christmas mailers out this week? CHRISTINA: OK, uh, by Monday I promise. I just, I have this paper due FridayWell, what is going on? KATHLEEN: Nothing, nothing, nothing at all CHRISTINA: You know, I am just going to stand here until you tell me. KATHLEEN: All right. Is it infidelity if you're involved with someone on e-mail? CHRISTINA: Have you had sex? KATHLEEN: No, of, of course not. I don't even know him. CHRISTINA: No, I mean cybersex. KATHLEEN: No CHRISTINA: Well, no, uh, don't do it. Cause the minute you do, they lose all respect for you. KATHLEEN: Mm. Well, it's not like that. We just e-mail. It's really nothing, on top of which I am definitely thinking about stopping because it's, justgetting CHRISTINA: Out of hand? KATHLEEN: Mm, confusing. But not. Because it's nothing. CHRISTINA: Whered you meet him? KATHLEEN: Oh, listen, I can't even remember. OK. On my birthday, I wandered into the Over Thirty Room for a joke, sort of, and, ah, he was there, and we started chatting. CHRISTINA: About what? KATHLEEN: Oh, books, and music, how much we both love New York Harmless. Harmless. Meaningless. Bouquets of sharpened pencils! Aw! CHRISTINA: Excuse me? KATHLEEN: Forget it. We don't talk about anything personal. So, I don't know his name, or what he does, or where he lives exactly, soitll be really easy for me to stop seeing him, becauseI'm not. CHRISTINA: God, you mean, he could be the next person to walk into the store. KATHLEEN: (whispers) I know. CHRISTINA: He could be...George. (5) KATHLEEN: (reading her letter) Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today I saw oneit got on at 42nd and off at 59th, where I assume it was going to Bloomingdale's to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake. As almost all hats are. JOE: (reading his letter) Listen to this. Every night a truck pulls up to my neighborhood bagel place and pumps about a ton of flour into underground tanks. And then the air is filled with white dust which never seems to land. Why is that? KATHLEEN: (reading her letter) Confession: I have read Pride and Prejudice about 200 timesI get lost in the language; words like thither, mischance, felicity. Im always in agony over whether Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are really going to get together Ah! Read it! I know youll love it! JOE: (reading his letter) The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions, just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, et cetera. So people who dont know what the hell theyre doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee, but an absolutely defining sense of self. Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino! SERVER: Tall decaf cappuccino? (6) JOE: Ah, Ill think about it. KATHLEEN: I think thats an awful lot for your dad to buy at one time. ANNABEL: Oh, my dad gets me all the books I want. KATHLEEN: Well, that's very nice of him. ANNABEL: Oh, that's not my dad. That's my nephew KATHLEEN: You know, I don't really think that he could be your nephew JOE: No, no, no, it's true. Annabel is my aunt. Isnt that right, Aunt Annabel? ANNABEL: Uh huh! And Matt is his KATHLEEN: Oh wait, wait, let me guess. (to Matt) Are you his uncle? MATT: No! KATHLEEN: Hisgrandfather? (Annabel and Matt start giggling.) His great-grandfather? MATT: (shouting with glee) I'm his brother. JOE: Matt is my fathers son, Annabel is my grandfather's daughter. We arean American family. ANNABEL: Huh, ah, ah-choo! KATHLEEN: Oh! Here you go, young lady. ANNABEL: Mmm, whats that? KATHLEEN: Thats a handkerchief. Op! Oh my, do children not even know what handkerchiefs are? A handkerchief is a Kleenex you don't throw away, you see? My mother embroidered this for me. My initials, and a daisy, because daisies are my favorite flower. JOE: May I ask who you are? KATHLEEN: Kathleen Kelly. I own this store. And you are? JOE: Joe. Just call me Joe. (quickly) We'll take these books. GEORGE: OK. Eh, eh, youre gonna come back, arent you? JOE: Uh, (laughs with embarrassment)yeah, of course. GEORGE: See? That is why we are not going to go under. Because our customers are loyal. KATHLEEN: They're opening up a Fox Books around the corner. ANNABEL: Fox Books! My Daddy JOE: luh, likes to buy discount. But don't tell anybody that, Honey; it's nothing to be proud of MATT: F-O-X. KATHLEEN: Ha! That's amazing. You can spell fox? Can you spell dog? MATT: F-O-X. JOE: Look at this dinosaur book. Its a pop-up dinosaur book. Wouldn't you like to have a dinosaur book like that? Wouldnt you like to read that? Here, Annabel, you sit here and read Matt that book until I take care of things. And whatever you do, just dont listen to anything I say, OK? Thank you. W-, w-, well take that pop-up book as well, the dinosaur book. KATHLEEN: You know, the world is not driven by discounts, believe me. I have been in business forever. I mean, I started helping my mother after school here when I was six years old and I used to watch her. And it wasn't that she was just selling books, it was that she was helping people become whoever it was they were gonna turn out to be. Because when you read a book as a child it becomes part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life doesand II've gotten carried away. JOE: Yeahyeah, youhave. You've made me feel (taps twice)...Enchanting, your mother was enchanting. KATHLEEN: Yes, she was. GEORGE: Ah, how will you be paying for this? JOE: Cash! KATHLEEN: Uh, how did you know that? JOE: Well, from the photograph, ah. KATHLEEN: Oh! JOE: Is that you in the photograph? What are you doing? KATHLEEN: Twirling. Hm, hm! My mother and I used to twirl. Anyway, she left the store to me, and I'm going to leave it to my daughter. GEORGE: Ah, 73 dollars, please. JOE: How much? GEORGE: Ah, 73 dollars. JOE: Oh! (clears his throat) How old, ah, is your daughter now? KATHLEEN: Well, I dont have a daughter. Oh, no. I'm not married. Buteventually. So, yeah, the big, bad Fox Books can just go to... JOE: Ah! KATHLEEN: There you go. JOE: Thank you. Hey, were ready? ANNABEL: Yeah. JOE: Mm, itsnice ! ANNABEL: Bye, Kathleen. KATHLEEN: Goodbye, Annabel. Good-bye, Matt. MATT: Bye! KATHLEEN: Oh, oh, Matt. You know what? I have to ask you another thing. Can you spell cat? MATT: F-O-X! JOE: (laughs awkwardly) F-O-X! Cat! Thanks!...(slams door on bag) Good thing it wasnt the fish! (Kathleen laughs) Take care! (7) BIRDIE: Theyve been open six days and we did twelve hundred dollars less than the same week last year. KATHLEEN: Well, that could be a fluke, right? BIRDIE: Or not KATHLEEN: Listen, their store is new. It's a novelty. We will all shake out. Meanwhile Im putting up more twinkle lights. BIRDIE: That's a fine idea. CHRISTINA: Well, what if we have to fold? I'm never gonna find another part time job and then Im not gonna to be able to pay my rent and I'm gonna have to moveto Brooklyn! GEORGE: Aw, the joy of rent control. Six rooms, 450 a month. CHRISTINA: We know. You've told us a million times. You know what, I, I can't believe you're bringing this up at a time like this. It's, its like those people who brag GEORGE: I CHRISTINA: because they're tall. KATHLEEN: Guys, we are not gonna fold. GEORGE: Hey, Ithis place is a tomb! Im going to the nut shop, where its fun! KATHLEEN: George? George?... (gasps) Miranda! Hi! Hi! MIRANDA: Oh, Kathleen, are you surviving? KATHLEEN: Well, we're so excited about your new book. When should we schedule a signing? MIRANDA: Oh, it's being published in January. Are you going to be in business in January? I'm so worried. KATHLEEN: We're doing great, aren't we? BIRDIE: (yells) No difference whatsoever. CHRISTINA: Great! MIRANDA: Oh! Thank God. Well, you know you can count on me for anything: support, rallies, picket lines... We can get the Times to write somethingor that nut from the Observer KATHLEEN: Whawhat, what nut in the Observer? MIRANDA: Frank Something-or-other. The one whos so in love with his typewriter. This is just the sort of thing that would outrage him. KATHLEEN: Hmmm! (8) KATHLEEN: Oh, hello. JOE: Hi! KATHLEEN: Ah, ha, ha, hi! Hi! JOE: Hi! KATHLLEN: Do you remember me, from the bookstore? JOE: Of course I remember you, yes. Hi. KATHLEEN: Hey, hows your aunt? (laughs) JOE: (laughs) Shes great. KATHLEEN: Sweet. JOE: Id better go deliver this. KATHLEEN: Ah JOE: I have a very thirsty date. Shes part camel. KATHLEEN: Oh. Joe, right? Its Joe, isnt it? JOE: And youre Kathleen. KATHLEEN: Yep. (9) MAN: I cannot believe that you were speaking to Joe Fox. KATHLEEN: Joe Fox? MAN: Joe Fox! KATHLEEN: As in? MAN: As in, uh, hes gonnatake over everything. KATHLEEN: Fox? Your last name is Fox? JOE: F-O-X. KATHLEEN: God, I didnt, I didnt realize, I didnt, I didnt know JOE: Who you were with? I didnt know who you were with! KATHLEEN: Excuse me? JOE: Its from The Godfather. (laughs) Sorry, its from The Godfather. Its (clears his throat)when the, uh, when the movie producer realizes that Tom Hagen is an emissary of Vino Corlione, its just before the horses head ends up in the bed with all the bloody sheets, you know? He wakes up, and its: Ah, ah, ah, ah.ah Never mind KATHLEEN: You were spying on me, werent you? Hm! You probably rented those children. JOE: Why would I spy on you? KATHLEEN: Because I am your competition, which you know perfectly well. Or you would not have put up that sign: Just around the corner. JOE: The entrance to our store is around the corner, and theres no other way of saying that. Its not the name of our store, its where it is. And you do not own the phrase, around the corner. KATHLEEN: What is that? What are you doing? What is that? What are you doing? Youre taking all the caviar? That caviar is a garnish (gasps) JOE: Look, the reason I came into your store is because I was spending the day with Annabel and Matt, and I was buying them presents. Im the type of guy who likes to buy his way into the hearts of children who are his relatives. And there was only one place to find a childrens book in the neighborhood. Eh-heh. That will not always be the case. And it was yours. And it is aa charming little bookstore. You probably sell, what? Three hundred fifty thousand dollars worth of books in a year? KATHLEEN: How did you know that? JOE: Im in the book business. KATHLEEN: I am in the book business. JOE: I see. And we are the Price Club. And only instead of a 10-gallon vat of olive oil for $3.99, that wont even fit under your kitchen cabinet, we sell cheap books. Me! A spy! Oh, absolutely. I have in my possessionthe super-duper secret printout of the sales figures of a bookstore so inconsequential, yet full of its own virtue, that I was immediately compelled to rush over there for fear that its gonna put me out of business. KATHLEEN: Ha! JOE: What? What? FRANK: Hey, how ya doin? Frank Nevasky. JOE: Joe Fox. KATHLEEN: Wuh! FRANK: Joe Fox! JOE: F-O-X. FRANK: Theinventor of the superstore, of course. The enemy of the midlist novel, the destroyer of city books. Tell me, something, really. How do you sleep at night? PATRICIA: Ah! I use a wonderful, over-the-counter drug. Ultradorm. Dont take the whole thing; just half, and youll wake up without even the tiniest hangoverYoure Frank Nevasky, arent you? FRANK: Yes, leaving PATRICIA: Your last piece, in the Observer, about Anthony Paul was, was brilliant. FRANK: You PATRICIA: Brilliant, yes. Im Patricia Eden. FRANK: Hi. PATRICIA: Hi. Eden Books. Joe, this man is the greatest living expert on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. FRANK: You, you really liked my, ah, my piece, because JOE: This is Kathleen Kelly. PATRICIA: Hi. FRANK: Ah, my piece, Im sorry. I justyou knowI, Im flattered. You write these things, and you think somebodys gonna mention em, and a week goes by and the phone doesnt ring, and you start to think, Im a, Im a fraud, Im like a failure, or something, and to hear that PATRICIA: You know what always fascinated me about Julius and Ethel Rosenberg? Is how old they looked. When they were really justour age. (giggles) You know? (giggles) Oh, wow, Im so happy to have finally met you! Yeah, we will talk! Have you ever thought about doing a book? FRANK: Well, itscrossed my mind, I mean, something relevant for today, like the Luddite movement in 19th century England, or something, we should talk. Call me! KATHLEEN: Frankcome on, FrankFrankFrank, Franklets go JOE: Hey, Hon, have you ever had acaviar garnish? (10) JOE: (typing) Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? (sighs) That a Pandoras box of all the secret, hateful parts, your arrogance, your spite, your condescension, has sprung open? Someone provokes you, and instead of just smiling and moving on, ya zing them. Hello, its Mr. Nasty. Im sure you have no idea what Im talking about. KATHLEEN: (typing) No, I know what you mean, and Im completely jealous. What happens to me when Im provoked is that I get tongue-tied. My mind goesblank. Then, then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. What should I have said, for example, to a...bottom dweller (read slowly and deliberately)who recently belittled my existenceNothing. Nothing. Even now, even now, days later. I cant figure it out. JOE: (typing) Wouldnt it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you, and then I would never behave badly, and you could behave badlyall the time! And wed both be happy! But then, on the other hand, I must warn you, that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say itremorse inevitably follows. Do you think weshould meet? KATHLEEN: Meet? Oh my God (11) CASHIER (ROSE): $72.27...This is a Cash Only line. KATHLEEN: What? ROSE: Cash Only. KATHLEEN: O my God, oh my God, oh, I just have a credit card. ItsIm sorry. Is that OK? MAN: No, it's not okay, there's a sign! KATHLEEN: Im sorry, Im very sorry. I, I, I never do this, but Im asking you to make an exception in just this, this one case. MAN: You have no cash? She has no cash. WOMAN 1: No, she has no cash. WOMAN 2: Oh, get on another line, Lady. KATHLEEN: I have a dollar. Thats all I have. I have a dollar. One dollar. Is there anything you can do? JOE: Hello. KATHLEEN: Hello. JOE: Hi. Do you need some money? KATHLEEN: No, I do not need any money. Thank you very much. ROSE: Get in another line. JOE: Hi. Rose. That is a great name, Rose. This is Kathleen, I'm Joeand MAN: And Im Henry! JOE: Henry, how are ya? Happy holidays!This is a credit card machine. Happy ThanksgivingIt's your turn to say Happy Thanksgiving back. ROSE: Happy Thanksgiving back. JOE: Knock, knock. ROSE: Whos there? JOE: Orange. ROSE: Orange who? JOE: Orange (Arent) you going to give us a break by zipping this credit card through the credit card machine? Come on, you can do it. Zip, zip.There you goRoseaw, that is a great name. So you're fine. ROSE: Fine. JOE: Happy Thanksgiving. Henry, Happy Thanksgiving. KATHLEEN: Im so sorry, really, I apologize. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. MAN: So sign already! Id like to get home in time for the Thanksgiving Day Parade. KATHLEEN: OK. ROSE: You have my pen. (12) KATHLEEN: (typing) Its coming on Christmas. Theyre cutting down trees. Do you know that Joni Mitchell song? I wish I had a river I could skate away on. Such a sad song! And not really about Christmas at all, but I was thinking about it tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree, unwrapping funky ornaments made of Popsicle sticks, and missing my mother so much I almost couldnt breathe. I always miss my mother at Christmas, butsomehow it is worse this year since I need some advice from her. I need her to make me some cocoa and tell me that everything thats going badly in my life will sort itself out. JOE: (typing) What kind of advice do you need? Can I help? KATHLEEN: (typing) Can you help? I wish you could help. I wish (gasps) JOE: (coming online to chat) I had a gut feeling you would be online now. Hi. I can give you advice. I'm great at advice. KATHLEEN: Oh-oh. (typing) If only you could help. JOE: Woo. (typing) Is it about love? (speaking) Please say no. KATHLEEN: No. How cute is that. (typing) My business is in trouble. JOE: Huh! Well(typing) I'm a brilliant businessman. It's what I do best. What's your business? KATHLEEN: Mm, no, mm-mm. (typing) No specifics, remember? JOE: OK. (clears his throat purposely) Well, (typing) minus specifics, it's hard to help. Except to say, Go to the mattresses. KATHLEEN: Except to sayGo to the mattresses?...What? (typing) What does that mean? JOE: (typing) It's from The Godfather. It means you have to go to war. (speaking) Mm-hm. KATHLEEN: Oh, what is it with(typing) Oh, what is it with men and The Godfather? (speaking) Hello! JOE: Oh, come on, hello! Well, (typing) The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? "Leave the gun, take the cannoli." What day of the week is it? "Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday..." The answer to your question is "Go to the mattresses." (speaking) Go to the mattresses. (typing) You're at war. "It's not personal, it's business. It's not personal, it's business." (speaking) Its business! (typing) Recite that to yourself every time you feel you're losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave. (speaks) Dont. (typing) This is your chance. Fight. (speaking) Fight. (typing) Fight to the death. (speaking) Fight to the death. KATHLEEN: Its not personal, its business. Fight! Fight, fight, fight! (13) KATHLEEN: (typing) I need help. Do you still want to meet me? JOE: I would love to meet you. Where? When? KEVIN: So I suppose shes carryin a copy of a book with a flower in it? A-hehNot really. Aw, she could be a real dog, man. JOE: Im only stayin ten minutes. Im going to say hello, Im going to have a cup of coffee, and then Im gonna split. Thats what Im gonna do. I hope she doesnt have one of those high squeaky voices like the mice in Cinderella. I hate that. Why am I even doing this? Why am I compelled to even meet her?...Why? KEVIN: Joe, relax. Youre just taking it to the next level. I always do that. I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that. Till I finally reach that level where it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave. JOE: Huh! Well, Im not going to stay that long anyway. I already said that, didnt I! KEVIN: Yes, you did! JOE: Yo! Well, OK, Caf Lalo. This is it. Eight oclock. Boy, we got here fast, didnt we? KEVIN: Yep. JOE: Kevin, this woman is the most adorable creature Ive ever been in contact with. And if she turns out even to be as good-looking as a mailboxId be crazy not to turn my life upside down and marry her! KEVIN: She could be a real dog! But, good luck. Ah, heh, hehah heh-heh JOE: Would you go and look for me? (laughing with embarrassment) KEVIN: Me? JOE: Yes, just go look through the window and check her out, please? KEVIN: Ay, uh.Youre pathetic, man. All right. Ill see what I see. JOE: You see her? KEVIN: Neah, oh, waityeah! I see a very beautiful girl. Oh, shes fine. Shes fine. Woo! JOE: I knew it. KEVIN: Shes gorgeous! JOE: I knew she would be. I knew it. KEVIN: But no book Hmm! Heh-heh. All right. OK. Wait. Wait. Wait a minute. All right look, theres a book with a flower, so this got to be her. JOE: Andwhat does she look like?!? KEVIN: Cant see her. The waiters blockin. JOE: Damn it! KEVIN: Oh, hold it. Hes movin, hes movin. Yeahah JOE: Can you see her? Can you see her? KEVIN: Yeah. JOE: And? KEVIN: Shes very pretty. JOE: She is! I knew she would be! She had to be! She had to be! (screeches) KEVIN: You know what? She looksI mean, she almost has the same colorin asthat Kathleen Kelly person. JOE: Kathleen Kelly of the little bookstore. KEVIN: Well why not? You said you thought she was attractive JOE: Absolutely, yes, why not. Who cares about Kathleen Kelly? KEVIN: Wellif you dont like Kathleen Kelly, I can tell you right now, you aint gonna like this girl. JOE: Why not? KEVIN: Because it is Kathleen Kelly. So what are you gonna do? JOE: Nothing. KEVIN: What do you mean, nothin. You just gonna let her wait there all night? JOE: Yes, yes, I am. Thats exactly what Im going to do. Good night, Kevin, Ill see you in the morning. (14) MAN: Do you mind if I borrow this chair? KATHLEEN: Yes, yes, I mind. Sorry. Im expecting someone. WAITER: Would you like another tea? KATHLEEN: Yes, thank you. Ohthanks. JOE: Kathleen Kelly. Hello. This is a coincidence. Would you mind if I sat down? KATHLEEN: Yes, yes, I would, actually. I'm expecting someone. Thanks. JOE: Pride and Prejudice. KATHLEEN: Do you mind? JOE: I bet you read that book every year. I bet you just love thatMr. Darcy, and your sentimental heart just beats wildly at the thought that he and um, well, you know, whatever her name is, are truly, honestly going to end up together? WAITER: Can I get you something? KATHLEEN: No, no. Hes not staying. JOE: Mochaccino. Decaf. Non-fat. KATHLEEN: No, no, you are not staying. JOE: I'll just stay here until your friend gets here. Gee, is he late? KATHLEEN: The heroine of Pride and Prejudice is Elizabeth Bennet. She is one of the greatest and most complex characters ever written, not that you would know. JOE: As a matter of fact, I've read it. KATHLEEN: Oh, well, good for you. JOE: I think you'd discover a lot of things if you really knew me. KATHLEEN: If I really knew you, I know what I would find. Instead of a brain, a cash register, instead of a heart, a bottom line. JOE: What? KATHLEEN: I just had a breakthrough. JOE: What is it? KATHLEEN: I have you to thank you for it. For the first time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I said it. JOE: Well, I think you have a gift for it. That was a perfect blend of poetry and meanness. KATHLEEN: Meanness? Let me tell you something about meanness. JOE: Don't misunderstand me, I'm just trying to pay you a compliment. KATHLEEN: Oh, oh, why are you touching that? What are you doing? JOE: What is this? Is this a red rose? No, you know, its a crimson rose. Something you read about in a book, no doubt. KATHLEEN: Thats funny to you, isnt it? Everything is a joke to you. Please leave. Please, please leave, I beg you. Thank you. (15) JOE: You know what that hanky reminds me of? KATHLEEN: Mmmm? JOE: First day I met you. KATHLEEN: First day you lied to me. JOE: I didn't lie to you. KATHLEEN: You did too. JOE: No, I didnt. KATHLEEN: Yes you did. JOE: I did not. KATHLEEN: You did too. JOE: I did not. KATHLEEN: You did too. JOE: I did not. KATHLEEN: You ah, you did too. I thought all that Fox stuff was so charming. F-O-X. JOE: Well, I didnt lie about it. KATHLEEN: "Joe. Just call me Joe." JOE: Sure. KATHLEEN: As if you were one of those stupid 22-year-old girls with no last name. "Hi, I'm Kimberley." "Hi, I'm Janice." Don't they know you're supposed to have a last name? It's like theyre an entire generation of cocktail waitresses. JOE: Look. I am not a 22-year-old cocktail waitress. KATHLEEN: That is not what I meant. JOE: And when I said the thing about the Price Club and the cans of olive oil, well, thats not what I meant. KATHLEEN: Oh, you poor sad multimillionaire. I feel so sorry for you. JOE: (Im gonna) take a wild guess that thats not him either. So who is he, I wonder. Certainly not, I gather, the world's greatest living expert on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, but somebody else entirely different? Will you be mean to him too? KATHLEEN: No, I will not. Because the man who is coming here tonight is completely unlike you. The man who is coming here tonight is kind and funny; hes got the most wonderful sense of humor JOE: Buthe's not here. KATHLEEN: Well, if he's not here, he has a reason, because there is not a cruel or careless bone in his body. But I wouldnt expect you to understand anybody like that. You with your theme park, multi-level homogenize-the-world mochaccino land. Youve deluded yourself into thinking that youre some sort of benefactor, bringing books to the masses. But no one will ever remember you, Joe Fox. And maybe no one will remember me either. But plenty of people remember my mother. And they think she was fine. And they think her store was something special. Youare nothing but a suit. JOE: Thats my cue. Uh, good night. (16) KATHLEEN: (typing) Ive been thinking about you. Last night I went to meet you and you weren't there. I wish I knew why. I felt so foolish. And as I waited, someone else showed up, a man who has made my professional life a misery, and an amazing thing happened. I, I was able, for the first time in my life, to say the exact thing I wanted to say, at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards, I felt terrible. Just as you said I would. I was cruel, and I'm never cruel. And even though I can hardly believe what I said mattered to this man to him, I am just a bug to be crushed but what if it did? No matter what he's done to me, there is no excuse for my behavior. Anyway, I so wanted to talk to you. I hope you have a good reason for not being there last night. You dont seem like the kind of person that would do something like that. The odd thing about this form of communication is, that youre more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say, that all this nothing has meant more to me than so manysomethings. So, thanks. COMPUTER: Good-bye. JOE: (typing) I am inVancouverI was stuck in a meeting, which I couldn't get out of, and the electricity went out in the building, andwe were trappedon the 38th floor. Andthe telephone system blew too. (laughs with embarrassment) Amazingly enough. Dear friend: I cannot tell you what happened last night, but I beg you from the bottom of my heart to forgive me for not being there (deletes it)for what happened. I feel terrible that you found yourself in a situation that caused you additional pain. But I'm absolutely sure that whatever you said last night was provoked, even deserved. And everyone says things they regret when they're worried or stressed. You were expecting to see someone you trusted and met the enemy instead. The fault is mine. Someday I'll explain everything. Meanwhile, I'm still here. Talk to me. (17) CHRISTINA: Di-, di-, did he say anything about wanting to meet you again? KATHLEEN: No, no, not really. Listen, it doesn't matter. We'll just be likeGeorge Bernard Shaw and Mrs. Patrick Campbell; well write letters our whole lives. BIRDIE: Thank you for the scones! They look lovely! CHRISTINA: Birdie, where was this one taken? Where was this one taken? BIRDIE: Seville. KATHLEEN: When you fell madly in love? BIRDIE: Yes. So, Dearie, what have you decided to do? KATHLEEN: Close. We're going to close. CHRISTINA: Close. BIRDIE: Closing the store is the brave thing to do. KATHLEEN: Oh! You are such a liar! But thank you. BIRDIE: You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesnt feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But youre not. You are marching into the unknown, armed with, uhnothing. Have a sandwich. KATHLEEN: Well, not nothing. I-, I have a little money saved. BIRDIE: Well, if you need more, ask me. Im very rich. I bought Intel at 6. Now, I suppose you want me to tell you who it was I fell madly in love with. But Im not going to tell. CHRISTINA: Who was it, Birdie? Come on, telluch, thats so mean. Huh! But so romantic. BIRDIE: It wasn't meant to be. CHRISTINA: Why not? BIRDIE: He ran Spain. CHRISTINA: Spain? BIRDIE: The country. He ran it. It was his job. And then he died. Just as well. Milk or lemon? (18) FRANK: She fell in love with Generalissimo Franco. KATHLEEN: Ah! Don't say that. Really. We don't know that for sure. FRANK: Who else could it have been? It was probably around 1960. KATHLEEN: Do you want some popcorn? FRANK: I cant believe this. I mean, it's not like he was something normal, like a socialist or an anarchist or something KATHLEEN: It happened in Spain. People do really stupid things in foreign countries. FRANK: Absolutely. They buy leather jackets for much more than theyre worth, but they don't fall in love with fascist dictators. KATHLEEN: Birdie is a very special person to me. She is practically my surrogate mother. FRANK: Well she's out of her mind. KATHLEEN: She is not. FRANK: I could never be with anybody who doesn't take politics as seriously as I do. PERSON: Do you mind? FRANK: A hot dog is singing. You need quiet while a hot dog is singing? KATHLEEN: I have something to tell you, Frank. I didn't vote. FRANK: What? KATHLEEN: In the last mayoral election, when Rudy Giuliani was running against Ruth Messinger, I went to get a manicure and forgot to vote. FRANK: Since when do you get manicures? KATHLEEN: Oh, I suppose you could never be with a woman who got manicures. FRANK: Never mind. It's okay. I forgive you. KATHLEEN: You forgive me? Excuse me, sorry, sorry, excuse me. FRANK: Look, this has been a big week; you're closing the store KATHLEEN: No, it's not that, Frank, really, it's not. It, it's just that I, I... FRANK: I, I know, I know, I know, I know, that, that was terrible of me. KATHLEEN: What? What was terrible? FRANK: Jumping all over you when I'm the oneGod, I don't even know how to say this KATHLEEN: What is it? What? FRANK: (In restaurant) You're a wonderful person, Kathleen. KATHLEEN: So are you. FRANK: And I'm so honored that you would want to be with me, because y- you would never be with anyone who wasn't truly worthy KATHLEEN: I feel exactly the same way about you. FRANK: Oh, God, no, no, don't, dont, dont, dont say that; KATHLEEN: What? FRANK: that, that makes itworse. KATHLEEN: What? You don't love me? (laughs) Me either! FRANK: You, you don't love me KATHLEEN: No. FRANK: But we're so right for each other. KATHLEEN: I know! I know. (laughs) Uh! Well, is there some, is there someone else, or? Oh! That woman on television, Sidney-Ann! FRANK: Ah, I mean, no-, nothing's happened or anything, but KATHLEEN: Oh, Frank. Is she a Republican. FRANK: I can't help myself. (both laugh) What about you? Is, is there someone else? KATHLEEN: No. No. Butbut there is the dream of someone else. (19) WOMAN SHOPPER: This is a tragedy. KATHLEEN: Well MAN: These chairs for sale? CLERK: Anything not nailed down. BIRDIE: Ten dollars, its yours. WOMAN SHOPPER: What are you gonna to do now? KATHLEEN: I don't know. I think Illtake some time. You know, I'm almost looking forward to it WOMAN SHOPPER: Well, good luck to you. SECOND SHOPPER: You know, I came here every Saturday when I was a little girl. And I remember when your mother gave me Anne of Green Gables. "Read it with a box of Kleenex," she said; that's what she told me. KATHLEEN: Could someone help me? THIRD SHOPPER: She's looking down on you right now. KATHLEEN: I'm sure she is. FOURTH SHOPPER: Why dont we bomb Fox Books? (20) WOMAN SHOPPER: Do you have the "Shoe" books? SALESPERSON: The "Shoe" books? Who's the author? WOMAN SHOPPER: I don't know. My friend told me my daughter has to read the "Shoe" books, so here I am. KATHLEEN: Noel Streatfeild. Noel Streatfeild wrote Ballet Shoes and Skating Shoes and Theater Shoes and Dancing Shoes and...I'd start with Ballet Shoes first, it's my favoritealthough Skating Shoes is completely wonderful (cries). But its out of print. SALESPERSON: Streatfeild. How do you spell that? KATHLEEN: S-T-R-E-A-T-F-E-I-L-D. WOMAN SHOPPER: Thank you. (21) PATRICIA: Kathleen Kelly. I swear it was like her name was in the air, Joe. JOE: Just like that. PATRICIA: Everyone was talking about her today. Kathleen Kelly and hersituationAnd I was thinking that she'd make a great children's book editor. JOE: What makes you think that? PATRICIA: Well, she knows everything. She has flawless taste. She's famous for it. And the salesmen swear by her. If she likes the book, it sells. Period. JOE: So you're going to off, what, youre gonna offer her a job? PATRICIA: Hm, well what else has she got to do? JOE: Oh, now that she's destitute PATRICIA: Huh, huh. Thanks to you. JOE: You know, I dont see her workin for you. PATRICIA: Why not? JOE: Cause she lacks the killer instinct. Shes never fired anybody. Look at that little shop of hers. Those people have been there forevertill recently, when they all lost their jobs. PATRICIA: Yeah, thanks to you. (Shouts) Hold the elevator!! CHARLIE: Miss Eden, Mr. Fox. JOE: Hello, Charlie PATRICIA: You know, I love how you've totally forgotten that youve had any role in her current situation. It's so obtuse. Its so insensitive! It reminds me of someone...Who? Who does it remind me of? Me! (laughs) (elevator crashes to a stop) JOE: What is going on? CHARLIE: Could be stuck. (women groan; Charlie pounds on all of the buttons) JOE: Charlie, what are you doing? CHARLIE: I hope this thing doesn't plummet to the basement. VERONICA: Can it do that? JOE: No. It cannot plummet to the basement. (picks up phone; it buzzes) Hi, this is Joe Fox. Whos this?...Juan?...Juan, we are stuck in the elevator between thesixth and seventh floorWell, theres four of us PATRICIA: (grabs the phone) Yes, and if you don't get your ass up here in two shakes and get us the hell out of here (Joe takes phone back) JOE: Hi, Juan? Yeah. Listen, call the super, and then 9119-1-1!...The fire departmentThats right!...Yeah, thank you very much. CHARLIE: Everyone should jump in the air. PATRICIA: What? CHARLIE: We jump. The elevator thinks no one is hereand it opens. JOE: Onetwothree, jump! (boom!) VERONICA: If I ever get out of here, I'm going to start speaking to my mama...I wonder what shes doing right this very minute. CHARLIE: If I ever get out of here...I'm marrying Oreet. I love her. I should marry her. I don't know what's been stoppin me. PATRICIA: If I ever get out of here, I'm having my eyes lasered. JOE: Mm, if I ever get out of here PATRICIA: Where are my TicTacs? Huhhh! What? (21) JOE: (reading letter) I came home tonight and got into the elevator to go to my apartment. An hour later, I got out of the elevator and Brinkley and I moved out. Suddenly everything had become clear. It's a long story. Full of the personal details we avoid so carefully. Let me just say, there was a man sitting in the elevator with me who knew exactly what he wanted. And I found myself wishingI were as lucky as he. KATHLEEN: (reading letter) People are always telling you that change is a good thing. But all theyre really saying is that something you didnt want to happen at allhas happened. My store is closing this week. I own a store. Did I ever tell you that? Its a lovely store. And in a week it will be something really depressing. Like a baby gap. Soon it will just be a memory. In fact someone, some foolish person, will probably think its a tribute to this city. The way it keeps changing on you, or the way you can never count on it, orsomething. I know, because thats the sort of thing Im always saying. But the truth is, Im heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again. And no onecan ever make it right. (22) JOE: What happened? Oh NELSON: Yeah. How are ya? JOE: Well, you know, Dad, you did pretty well. At least you didnt marry her. NELSON: Welcome aboard. JOE: (laughs) Well, it lasted a while. Huh? NELSON: Yeah. You know, I've stayed on this boat after, let's see, well, your mother, Laurette, the ballet dancer JOE: my nanny NELSON: She was the nanny? JOE: Yeah NELSON: (laughs) I forgot that. How ironic. And then there was, um, the ice skater JOE: Also my nanny NELSON: Really? JOE: Huh. Yeah. NELSON: Oh, ho, ho, ho, thatsthats amazingly ironic. And then there was Sybil, the, um(flicks fingers) thats an A word JOE: Astrologer. (snaps fingers) NELSON: Exactly! JOE: Whose moon turned out to be in somebody else's house, as I recall. NELSON: Just like Gillian. JOE: Gillian ran off with someone? NELSON: The nanny! JOE: Nanny Maureen? NELSON: Yes JOE: (laughs) Well, Gillian ran off with Nanny Maureen, hmm. NELSON: You got it. JOE: That's incredibly ironic. NELSON: Thats true. JOE: No other word for it. NELSON: Well, whos better than us? JOE: Father and son, together at last. NELSON: Who did you say you broke up with? JOE: Patricia. You met her. NELSON: Would I like her? (laughs) Just kidding, Son. Now is this beautiful or what? Course, Ill be living out of a suitcase forat least three weeks. And then there's the inevitable, um, legal hassle, more of your inheritance down the drain, but JOE: Don't you worry about it. NELSON: N(o), I won't. I just have to meet someone new, thats all. That's the easy part. JOE: Oh, right, yeah. A snap to find the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy. NELSON: Well, don't be ridiculous. Have I ever been with anybody who fit that description? Have you? (23) KATHLEEN: (buzz) (Kathleen sounds congested, through intercom) Who is it? JOE: Its Joe Fox. KATHLEEN: What are you doing here? JOE: Ah, may I please come up? KATHLEEN: No, I dontNo, I dont really think that that is a good idea because I have a I have a terrible c-cold. Ah-choo! Can you hear that? JOE: Heh, Yeah. KATHLEEN: Listen, I, I'm sniffling and Im not really awakeand I'm, uh, um, taking Echinacea and vitamin C, and sleeping practically twenty-four hours a day, and I have a temperature, and uh, um, I think Im contagious, so if I, I would really appreciate it if you would just go away. (knock on door) Whoa! (screams) JOE: Kathleen? KATHLEEN: Uh, uhuh (second knock) uhjust a second. (clears away glasses) Yes, uh, just a second. JOE: (enters) Hello. KATHLEEN: Hello. What are you doing here? JOE: I heard you were sickand I was worried. And I wantedto make sure KATHLEEN: What? JOE: Is there somebody here? KATHLEEN: No. Oh, its the Home Shopping Network. JOE: Oh, you buy any of thoselittle porcelain dolls? KATHLEEN: I was thinking about it. Hey, you put me out of business. JOE: Uh, yes I did. KATHLEEN: Did you come to gloat? JOE: No. KATHLEEN: To offer me a job? JOE: I would never KATHLEEN: Because I have plans, I have plenty of offers. You know, I got offered a job by JOE: By my former uh KATHLEEN: Well, yeah, actually byoh, your former? JOE: We broke up. KATHLEEN: Oh, well that's too bad. You were so perfect for each other. Oh! I don't mean to say things like that. No matter what youve done to me, theres no excuse for my saying anything like that. But every time I see you JOE: Things like that just fly out of your mouth. KATHLEEN: Yes! JOE: I brought you flowers. KATHLEEN: Oh! Thank you. JOE: Why don't I just put these in the, some water? And hey, you're sick. You, you should sit down. KATHLEEN: OK. JOE: OK. Um, I need a vase [vaz], a vase, a vase [vaz] KATHLEEN: Above therefrigerator. JOE: Ah, there it is. Wonderful. Hey, ah, George says hello, by the way. Hes the one who told me you were sick. KATHLEEN: How is George? JOE: Great. Uh, really great. (He's) revolutionizing the place. You cant work in his department unless you have a Ph.D. in children's literature. KATHLEEN: I love daisies. JOE: You told me. KATHLEEN: They're so friendly. Don't you think that daisies are the friendliest flower? JOE: I do. KATHLEEN: When did you break up? JOE: A couple of weeks ago. KATHLEEN: Everyone is breaking up. You. Me. This other person I know broke up with someone in an elevator. Or, just, its after it, or just outside it, or It got stuck, I think, uh. When I saw you at thecoffee place, I was waiting for him, and I was JOE: charming. KATHLEEN: I was not charming. JOE: Heh, heh you were, you looked charming Tea? KATHLEEN: Yes, I was, I was upset, and horrible. JOE: Honey? KATHLEEN: Yes. JOE: I was the horrible one. KATHLEEN: Well, thats true. But I have no excuse. JOE: Ohoh, I see what youre saying. Thats interesting. Whereas I am a horrible person therefore I have no choice but to be horrible. Thats what you're saying. But thats all right, thats all right. I put you out of business. Soyou're entitled to hate me. KATHLEEN: I don't hate you JOE: But you'll never forgive me. Just like Elizabeth. KATHLEEN: Who? JOE: Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. She was too proud. KATHLEEN: Huh, what? I thought you hated Pride and Prejudice. JOE: or was she too prejudiced and Mr. Darcy is too proud? I forWell, I cant rememberIt, it wasn't personal KATHLEEN: What, what is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. Well, all that means is that it wasnt personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's personal to a lot of people. And what is so wrong with being personal anyway? JOE: Uh, nothing. KATHLEEN: I mean, cause wh-, whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personalMy head is starting to get fuzzy. Uh, why did you stop by again? I forget. JOE: I wanted to be your friend. KATHLEEN: Oh. JOE: I knew it wasn'tpossible. What can I say? Sometimes a guy just wants the impossible. ... Can I ask you a question? KATHLEEN: (coughs) What? (coughs) JOE: What happened with that guy at the caf? KATHLEEN: Nothing. JOE: But you're crazy about him. KATHLEEN: Yes. I am. JOE: Then why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for? KATHLEEN: I don't actually know him. JOE: Really. KATHLEEN: I, uh, I only know him through the, uh,you're not going to believe this JOE: Oh, let me guess. Through the Internet. KATHLEEN: Yes. JOE: Hmm. You've Got Mail. KATHLEEN: Yes! JOE: Those are very powerful words. KATHLEEN: Yes. JOE: Well. Well, I'm happy for him. KATHLEEN: Huh! JOE: Althoughcould I just make a little suggestion? KATHLEEN: What? JOE: I thinkyou should meet him. No, no, no, wait, wait. I, I take that back. Why would you want to meet somebody youre crazy about? KATHLEEN: Hey, I hardly think I need to take advice from a person who JOE: Now, I concede I bring out the worst in you. But let me just help you to not say something you're just gonna torture yourself about for yearsto come. I hope you feel better soon. It would be a shame to miss New York in the spring. KATHLEEN: Thank you for the daisies. JOE: Well, you take care. KATHLEEN: I will. JOE: Goodbye. KATHLEEN: Goodbye. (24) KATHLEEN: Tweaking. JOE: a project that needed...tweaking. KATHLEEN: Yeah, thats what he said. JOE: T-W-E-A-K-I-N-G. KATHLEEN: (spells with Joe) I-N-G. JOE: Tweaking, OK. KATHLEEN: That's what he said. JOE: It sounds to me likehe'smarried. Married and three kids. KATHLEEN: That is a terrible thing to say. JOE: A project KATHLEEN: He could not possibly be married. JOE: How do you know? KATHLEEN: What is it JOE: Have you asked him? Have you said Are you married? KATHLEEN: No, no JOE: Have you written to him? KATHLEEN: Im not gonna askno! (25) KATHLEEN: (typing) I know this is probably a little late to be asking, but are you married? JOE: (typing) Am I married? What kind of question is that? How can you ask me that? Don't you know me at all? Oh wait, I get it. Your friends are telling you the reason we haven't met is that I'm married. Am I right? JOE: So he didn't answer the question. KATHLEEN: Yes he did! JOE: He did not! KATHLEEN: He did too. He did ex He nailed me. He knew exactly what I was after. Which is just, by the way, exactly like him. JOE: He did not answer the question, did he? KATHLEEN: No. JOE: Maybe he's fat. Hes fat, hes a fatty. KATHLEEN: I don't care about that. JOE: You don't care that hes so fat, hes one of these guys that has to be removed from his house by a crane? You dont care. KATHLEEN: That is very unlikely. That is completely ridiculous. JOE: So, what's his handle? KATHLEEN: Uh JOE: I'm not going to write him. Is that what youre worried about? You think Im going to e-mail him? KATHLEEN: All right. NY152. JOE: NY one five two. One hundred and fifty two. He's a hundred and fifty-two years old. He's had 152 moles removed, so now hes got 152 pockmarks on hison his face (laughs) KATHLEEN: The number of peoplewho think he looks like Clark Gable. JOE: 152 people who think he looks like a Clark bar. KATHLEEN: (laughs) Why did I even tell you about this? JOE: 152 stitches from his nose job. The number of his souvenir shot glassesthat hes collectedin his travels. KATHLEEN: The numberthe numberHis address! No, no, he would never do anything that prosaic Well, the only thing I really care about is that, well, aside from the married thing, and the.. JOE: Yeah. KATHLEEN: .well, the jail thing... JOE: Of course. KATHLEEN: is the, uh, uh, uh, the boat thing. JOE: What boat thing? KATHLEEN: I could never be with someone who had a boat. JOE: I have a boat. KATHLEEN: Oh. JOE: Which clinches it. We'll never be together. How many? KATHLEEN: Uh, three. JOE: Allow me. KATHLEEN: Thank you. JOE: I could never be with someone who likes Joni Mitchell. "It's clouds illusions I recall, I really don't know clouds at all." What does that mean? Is she a pilot? Is she taking flying lessons? It must be a metaphor for something, but I dont know what it is. So how's your book coming? KATHLEEN: Well, there's this children's book editor I know from the store, and she's excited to read it when Im finished. JOE: Oh? KATHLEEN: Who would ever have thought I would write? I mean, if I hadn't had all this time JOE: Yeah? KATHLEEN: You know what? JOE: What? KATHLEEN: The truth is that he was the one who started me thinking about writing. JOE: Mister152 felony indictments KATHLEEN: Mister 152...insights into my soul. JOE: Whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, yeah, ho. No competing with that. KATHLEEN Well. I keep on bumping into you. JOE: Yeah. KATHLEEN: Hope your mango's ripe. JOE: I think it is. Hey, you want tobump into me onsay, Saturday, around lunchtime? KATHLEEN: Yeah. JOE: Over there? KATHLEEN: Mm-hmm. JOE: Good. (26) JOE: (typing) How about meetingSaturday? Four oclock. There's a place in Riverside Park at 91st Street where the path curvesand theres a garden. Brinkley and I will be waiting. JOE: Today? KATHLEEN: Today. JOE: Wow. KATHLEEN: I know. In Riverside Park. JOE: Mm. Well, that would mean hes a West Sider. KATHLEEN: Isn't that amazing? Maybe I've seen him, and don't even know it. JOE: You could have seen him every day and not know it. KATHLEEN: Its very possible. JOE: He could be anybody. KATHLEEN: He could be anyone. JOE: He could be that guy right there. And those flowers are for you. Heyhe could be the zipper man. KATHLEEN: Who's that? JOE: The zipper man! (laughs) The, uh KATHLEEN: Who is that? JOE: hes the guy out, herepairs zippers on Amsterdam Avenue. KATHLEEN: Will you cut it out! JOE: You'd never have to buy new luggage. KATHLEEN Cut it out! Ha, ha, ha! JOE: Well, the timing here is everything. I mean, he, hes waited until youre primed, see? Until you are absolutely convinced that theres no other man that you could possibly love. KATHLEEN: Yes JOE: You know, sometimes I wonder... KATHLEEN: What? JOE: Well, if I hadn't been Fox Books, and you hadn't beenThe Shop Around the Corner, and you and I had justoh, met KATHLEEN: I know. JOE: Yeah. Yeah. I would have asked for your number. And Iwouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you up and saying, "Hey, how aboutoh, how about some coffee, or, you know, drinks, or dinner, or a moviefor as long as we both shall live?" KATHLEEN: Joe? JOE: And you and I would never have been at war. And the only thing wed fight about would be which video to rent on a Saturday night. KATHLEEN: Well, who fights about that? JOE: Well, some people. Not us. KATHLEEN: We would never JOE: If only... KATHLEEN: Mm, Ive got to go. JOE: Well, let me ask you something. How can you forgive this guy for standing you up and not forgive me for this tiny little thingmm, putting you out of business? Oh how I wish you would. KATHLEEN: I really have to go. JOE: Yeah, well, you don't want to be late. JOE: Brinkley!... (Brinkley barks) Brinkley!...Brinkley!... KATHLEEN: Hmm-mm(cries) JOE: Don't cry, Shopgirl, don't cry. KATHLEEN: I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly. )*-QRlm  c d w y { | ϸijzz h(o( hUo( htI`o(h' hZo(hA hAo( hD=o( h [o(hkhZ3h]'a5o( hko(hqhk6CJaJhqhkCJaJhqhkCJaJo( hk5o(hVhk5h ;PCJaJo(h9h9CJaJo(/*Ho ; g " C T l m q gd6dgdx $da$gdx&   ( : ; C E G H N W l n p q      ! 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