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The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words  Write your answer for Academic IELTS Writing Task 1 here: It is shown in the diagram that how the consumption of some kinds of fast food changed from 1975 to 2000 among Australian teenagers, including pizza ,fish and chips and hamburgers. At the beginning in 1975,fish and chips took the overwhelming amount ,which was 100 times per year, while hamburgers consumption was just around 10 times and pizza s even less at about 5. However, things shifted dramaticly since then. The youngers ate more the less popular ones than fish and chips which led to the sharp decline of its used number until 1980,following by a little bounce and then dropping again straightly to reach the bottom of 40 below. Oppositly, the number of hamburgers and pizza were keeping soaring up hugely. At the point of 1985,the increasing trend of hamburgers minimized somehow and remained a constant slight rise till attending the highest figure of 100.Compared with that, pizza s cost had ten more years to grow until up to its biggest amount of 85,and then became stable till the end. In a nutshell ,hamburgers were the most popular, while fish and chips were not a hit any more. In-depth task feedback TASK ACHIEVEMENT YOU PARAPHRASE THE QUESTION IN YOUR INTRODUCTION No, you try to paraphrase but your sentence structure and word choice make it very difficult to understand what you are trying to say YOU HAVE A GENERAL OVERVIEW Partially, you have some form of general overview mentioning the general trends, but you put it as a conclusion and you should expand it a bit more. YOUR GENERAL OVERVIEW CONTAINS THE IMPORTANT INFORMATION WITHOUT DATA partially, it does not contain all the important data, you need to write more YOU HAVE AN IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS yes YOUR IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS INCLUDES DATA (NUMBERS) yes, you mention some data and numbers but you can expand YOU COMPARE THE IMPORTANT INFORMATION very little, you try to compare and use the data but your sentence construction and word choices make it extremely hard to understand what you are trying to say YOU HAVE AT LEAST 150 WORDS yes 186 words YOU DON T GO OFF TOPIC yes, you do not mention things that are outside the task or draw conclusion YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION FULLY you try to answer the question but your language use as well as cohesion and coherence make it hard to understand what you are trying to say. COHESION & COHERENCE YOU HAVE CLEARLY MARKED PARAGRAPHS no, you should have different paragraphs. 1st paragraph paraphrase the question, 2nd general overview 3rd combined trends, 4th other combined trends. You could combine the first 2 paragraphs in 1 if you feel like it. But to show you have different paragraphs you need to leave 1 empty space between YOUR PARAGRAPHS ARE LOGICALLY STRUCTURED no, you have no paragraphs, but what you wrote is logical and there is a progression YOU DON T HAVE TOO LONG SENTENCES WITH TOO MANY CLAUSES no, you have some very long sentences here and there making it a bit hard to understand YOU DON T HAVE FRAGMENTED SENTENCE THAT DO NOT MAKE SENSE no, because of your long sentences here and there your sentences become fragmented YOU CONNECT YOUR SENTENCES WELL TOGETHER partially, you try to connect sentences with some linking words but most of the ones you use are inappropriate for academic writing. YOUR WORD ORDER IN SENTENCES IS GOOD partially, you have some issues with word order within sentences LEXICAL RESOURCES YOU USE A WIDE RANGE OF VOCAB partially, you try to use a wide range but some of the vocab you use is used incorrectly or the formality is an issue YOU USE ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE CHANGE yes, but you make some mistakes in use and formality YOU USE ADVERBS TO DESCRIBE CHANGE yes, but you make some mistakes in use and formality YOU USE APPROXIMATIONS yes YOU HAVE NO NOTICEABLE ISSUES WITH SPELLING YOU USE ACADEMIC LANGUAGE partially, some of the lexis/vocabulary you chose are not appropriate for the task as they are not academic. YOU AVOID REPETITION yes, you try to use synonyms to avoid repetition GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY YOU USE A WIDE RANGE OF COMPLEX GRAMMAR STRUCTURES no, you do not use enough grammar to deal with the task YOU USE COMPARATIVES you use 1 comparative form, which is far too little YOU USE SUPERLATIVES yes, you use 1 superlative, but that is far too little YOU USE THE PASSIVE no, you do not use any passive form YOU HAVE NO NOTICEABLE ISSUES WITH GRAMMAR MISTAKES yes YOU HAVE NO NOTICEABLE ISSUES WITH PUNCTUATION no, you have some issue with punctuation which is part of your cohesion issue General feedback on target score GOAL 6.5 : TASK ACHIEVEMENT: needs some more work You will need to work on your language and cohesion to help with task achievement, as due to some issues with language and cohesion it is hard to understand what you are trying to express. You will also need to work on paraphrasing the introduction as again language issues make it hard to understand. You will also need to include a general overview and better compare the data. COHESION AND COHERENCE: needs a lot more work You need some work on your vocabulary choice and sentence construction to help better understand what you are trying to say. LEXICAL RESOURCES: needs a lot more work You have major issues in word choices, as many of them are not appropriate for an academic task. You also have issues with putting them together to make sense for the task. GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY: needs some more work You need to include more grammar structures, like comparatives, superlatives and some passive voice. This will help you compare the data better. Advice For Improvement TASK ACHIEVEMENT For this you need a bit more practice: you need to improve your paraphrasing of the question: so look at introductions of Academic Writing Task 1 and see how they paraphrase and write the introduction. You can also practice paraphrasing task 1 here:  HYPERLINK "https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/paraphrasing-exercises/"https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/paraphrasing-exercises/ You need to improve your general overview: have a look at how people write a general overview. You can also have a look at here:  HYPERLINK "https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/" \l "overview"https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/#overview COHESION AND COHERANCE The biggest issue is based on the language you use, which makes it harder to understand what you are trying to say. If you work on your lexical resources more, this should improve a lot. Apart from that there are some linker issues, you need better academic linkers. Have a look at what linkers other people use in their Academic Writing Task 1. You also have some small sentence issues, where you need to work on your sentence structures. So again have a look at the writing of other people and how they write. LEXICAL RESOURCES: You need to work on your word choices and formality. This means having a look at other peoples' writing and what kind of vocabulary they use for the task. Try to analyse their vocab and steal some of their vocab for your task. You can also have a look at the model for this task (included below) where you can have a look at vocab. For more vocab have a look here:  HYPERLINK "https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/vocabulary-for-the-introduction-and-general-overview/"https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/vocabulary-for-the-introduction-and-general-overview/  HYPERLINK "https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/vocabulary/dealing-with-change/"https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/vocabulary/dealing-with-change/  HYPERLINK "https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/vocabulary/dealing-with-numbers/"https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/vocabulary/dealing-with-numbers/ to practice some of the vocab have a look here:  HYPERLINK "https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/vocabulary-practice-exercises/"https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/graph-questions/vocabulary-practice-exercises/ GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY: For the grammar you just need to include some more comparatives, superlatives and passive voice. You can have a look at the grammar here:  HYPERLINK "https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/grammar/"https://ieltsassistance.co.uk/ielts-writing-test/academic/writing-task-1/grammar/ Again have a look at other writing tasks 1 and see what grammatical constructions people use. OVERALL You need to work most on your vocabulary. So have a look at the links I gave you and look at the vocabulary used by other people in their task. Try to steal their vocabulary as well as the provided vocabulary and incorporate it in your writing. You need to paraphrase better, this means practising writing introductions You need to include a better general overview in your Academic Writing Task 1, and the best is to put the general overview between your introduction and the in-depth part. Good example for Academic Writing Task 1 Have a look at the example and compare how it is similar and different to what you wrote Try to answer the following questions What is the structure used for the task? What vocabulary is uses for the task? What grammar is used for the task? The graph comparesthe consumption of junk food for teens in Australia over a 25 year period, between 1975 and 2000.Overall,the consumption of fish and chipsdeclined over the provided period,whereas the amount ofpizza and hamburgersthat were eaten increased. In 1975,the most popularjunk food with Australian adolescents was fish and chips, being eaten100 times a year. This wasfar higher thanPizza and hamburgers,which were consumed approximately 5 times a year.However, apart from a brief riseagain from 1980 to 1985, the consumption of fish and chipsgradually declined over the 25 year timescale to finish at just under40 in 2000. In sharp contrast to this, teenagers ate the other two fast foodsat much higher levels.Pizza consumptionincreased gradually until it overtookthe consumption of fish and chips in 1990. It thenlevelled offfrom 1995 to 2000.The biggest risewas seen in hamburgers as the occasions they were eatenincreased sharply throughout the70 s and 80 s,exceeding that offish and chips in 1985. It finishedat the same level asfish and chips began, with a consumption of 100 times a year. Word choices: the Diagram shows Leave out Better paraphrasing needed Leave an empty line to start a new paragraph Redundant: no need to write this just write in 1975 Word choice: write differently Possessive: no need to us possessive here Spelling: dramatically C&C: Connect the sentence with next one Spelling: youngsters Word choice: rewrite as I do not understand what you mean Word choice: write differently Formality: bounce is not academic Word formation: no need to use adverb here use adjective Word choice: rewrite words Word choice+ spelling: chose a different contraster Word choice: need to use different vocqb Formality: hugely is not academic Word choice: in 1985 Word choice: rewrite Verb + preposition: compared to Word choices: rewrite Formality: not academic language Formality: not academic language 24Z^x|,       xxxobRbRbRbB*phnH^J<UOJQJB*phnH^JOJQJUj OJQJ+B*phCJ6PJnH ^JaJ]OJQJCJPJnH ^JaJOJQJ&B*ph>*5PJnH ^J\OJQJB*phPJnH ^JOJQJ#B*ph5PJnH ^J\OJQJ)B*phCJ(KHPJnH ^JaJ(OJQJ/B*phCJ(5KHPJnH ^JaJ(\OJQJ ~:<bd68FHtvrt68:<PLxDZ.:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5^JOJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ*:;B*phCCCS*7CJ6>*5OJQJOJQJB*phnH^JOJQJB*phnH^J<UOJQJ3DFb0  !!""#$$%&f&&''N'8(((6)))).*d*>+j++,r,,, -t--ԷԊԊԊ꼡꼡-:;B*phS*7H*CJ6>*5OJQJ*:;B*phCCCS*7CJ6>*5OJQJOJQJ.:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5^JOJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ6- .4.|...L//(0,0B00334056688F8h88^:`::;<;>;ԼԼssss][S[jUU*:;B*phS*7CJ(6>*5OJQJ.:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5^JOJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJOJQJ.:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5^JOJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ>;;<=====>>>BCEEEGGGHHHHIIIJJ J JKKKLLpLrLtL|M~MMnNpNNvOO沭ss2:;B*phS*7CJsHsH6>*5OJQJjUj@UjUjnUOJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJj3U*:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJU.0JJ:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5OJQJ-OOOPPP.Q0QQQS|TU*VV*W|WWX4XXYLYYYYYZ0ZPZZZ[2[`[[qq\q\q\q\q\q\q\q\q):;B*ph333CJ@65^JOJQJ):;B*ph333CJ@65^JOJQJOJQJ 5OJQJ.:;B*phS*7CJ6>*5^JOJQJ*:;B*phS*7CJ 6>*5OJQJ2:;B*phS*7CJsHsH6>*5OJQJ60JJ:;B*phS*7CJsHsH6>*5OJQJjUU#[[\|\]]R]]]]@^^^^_z____F`n````.a0aDaFa|aaa@bBbbbbbc cZc\cccӠӠӠmӠӠӠӠӠӠdB*OJQJCJRHd5>*S*7689H*EHCJKH@sH sH nH_H9tH9PJ^JaJ\]4*dB*sH sH PJOJQJCJRHd5>*S*7689H*EHCJKH@nH_H9tH9^JaJ\]4*U):;B*ph333CJ@65^JOJQJ):;B*ph333CJ@65^JOJQJ*ccd>d@ddddd0e2eeeee8f:fdfffffffggFgHgggUdB*sH sH PJOJQJCJRHd5>*S*7689H*EHCJKH@nH_H9tH9^JaJ\]4*6    RL  & F$a$$dddddddddddddd-DM dddddd-DM zHd!" 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