ࡱ> ~}#` bjbj ~D0ZZZZZZZnrrr8,nA(~~~~~~~$ihтv~Zo-^oo~ZZ~555o^ZZ~5o~55nZZv PrrvqN~0ArGCGvvGZl~T"5~~XAoooonnn rnnnrnnnZZZZZZ Is it Love or Abuse? The following behaviors are seen in people who abuse their partners The more signs a person has the more likely that they will become physically abusive The last four signs are almost always seen only if the person is a batterer Jealousy Jealousy is not love; its a sign of insecurity & possessiveness Controlling Behavior Controlling behavior is not loving concern; it is a sign of a need for power Quick Involvement Quick Involvement is not falling in love; it is a way to sweep in and take control Unrealistic Expectations Unrealistic Expectations are not love; They are a way to manipulate and confuse. Isolation Isolation is not wanting to be with you because of love; It is a way to remove you from support. Blames Others For His Problems This is not love. This is a way to explain away his behaviors and control the relationship. Blames Others For His Feelings This is not love. This is a way to explain away his behaviors and control the relationship. Hypersensitivity Hypersensitivity is not passionate love. This is a way to manipulate the relationship. Cruelty to Animals or Children Playful Use of Force During Sex Verbal Abuse An abuser will degrade, curse, and run you down. Rigid Gender Roles An abuser will see women as inferior to men, less intelligent, and unable to be a complete person without a relationship. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Personality An abuser may have sudden mood changes, one minute nice and then suddenly exploding. Past Battering An abuser may say he hit girlfriends in the past, but that they made him do it Threats of Violence This is any threat of physical force meant to control you. Breaking or Striking Objects This behavior is used to punish (breaking cherished possessions) and to terrorize you into submission. Any Force During an Argument This may involve holding you down, physically restraining you from leaving, as well as pushing or shoving you. What Do You Do If You Are In An Abusive Relationship? Tell your parents, a friend, a counselor, a clergyman, or someone you trust who can help. The more isolated you are from friends and family, the more control the abuser has over you. Alert the school counselor or security officer. Keep a daily log of the abuse. Do not meet your partner alone. Do not let him or her in your home or car when you are alone. Avoid being alone at school, your job, on the way to and from places. Tell someone where you are going and when you plan to be back. Plan and rehearse what you would do if your partner became abusive. Let a teacher or counselor know about the abuse. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) for advice. What Do You Do If Someone You Know Is In An Abusive Relationship? If a friend tells you he or she is being victimized, here are some suggestions on how you can help. If you notice a friend is in an abusive relationship, don't ignore signs of abuse. Talk to your friend. Express your concerns. Tell your friend you're worried. Support, don't judge. Point out your friend's strengths - many people in abusive relationships are no longer capable of seeing their own abilities and gifts. Encourage them to confide in a trusted adult. Talk to a trusted adult if you believe the situation is getting worse. Offer to go with them for help. Never put yourself in a dangerous situation with the victim's partner. Don't be a mediator. Call the police if you witness an assault. Tell an adult - a school principal, counselor, or parent. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) for advice. Questions to Ask a Friend Are you ever afraid of your partner? Where did you get that bruise? If you woke up tomorrow in a perfect relationship how would things be different? Does you partner show the actions of real love (listed below)? How long will you wait until things get better? How many chances are you going to give him/her? How often do you have to stick up for, defend, or excuse your partners behavior to others? If you could change one thing about your relationship what would it be? I miss hanging out with you. Will you call the hotline or talk to someone? Real Love  Cares for Others Stands Firm During Trouble Is Kind Always Hopes Does not Brag Protects Is Polite Is Patient Has Self Control Is Not Jealous Does Not Bring Up Past Wrongs Is Not Evil Always Trusts Is Not Proud From Dating Violence: An Anti-Victimization Program Texas Council on Family Violence & Bridge Over Troubled Waters, Inc. 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