ࡱ> oqn#` 0&bjbj g0ZZZZZZZT:+:+:+:+N+(>h>,>,>,>,>,---=======$?hA=Z-----=ZZ>,>,=----Z>,Z>,=--=--r39TZZ3:>,2,  :+3-R9:=0(>9B-.B3:BZ3:--------==- ---(>----d$ZZZZZZ Exercise: Is emotion control working? Spend a few minutes thinking about an issue youve struggled with for a long time (it could be something that you struggle with all the time or something that just keeps coming back up again and again). It might be about your health, maybe your family / friends, or work. Also write down how long you have been struggling with this. Write about this situation on the lines provided below. If you need more space, use another piece of paper: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you havent already, write about the emotions that occur in this situation that you find are difficult or distressing (i.e., sadness, anger, hurt, anxiety, fear). ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ What are some common thoughts that show up when you think about this situation? What emotions do you experience when you think these thoughts? It may be one thought or several thoughts that reoccur (i.e., I cant handle / stand this? Why is this happening to me? Im a failure. Nothing goes right for me? What if I dont get passed this? etc.) ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The six step worksheet: Discovering the power of giving up emotion control Step 1. Please complete the worksheet below in the following steps. First, think about all the strategies that you have used to try control / get rid of / or fix the distress (difficult emotions and thoughts) that you experience as a result of this situation. In the column on the left below, identify all of these strategies. Make sure not to write anything in the right-hand columns yet. Well be using that column for something else. If you have trouble identifying some of the things that you have done to reduce, or get rid of, the thoughts and feelings you have, think about some of the things that you have seen / heard other people do, and write those in the columns above. For example, some people might drink or take drugs to make themselves feel better. Some people procrastinate or avoid doing something. Others try to reduce their interpersonal distress by avoiding people. They might even avoid a loved one. Step 2. When you take a close look, you may notice that some of the things you do to try to get rid of your distress dont work at all. Go back and look at what you wrote down under Strategies, above, and put a checkmark by those strategies you believe dont help at all under Doesnt Help. Step 3: One of the toughest things about being human is that we love getting benefits in the short term. That is, if we do something that pays off at least a little in the short term, we continue to do iteven if it doesnt help in the long run or even makes things worse over time. For each strategy you listed above, put a check-mark (under Short-Term) by those you believe work at least a little over the short-term. Step 4: Next, put a check-mark by those strategies you believe have lessened or gotten rid of that distress over the long-term. Step 5. Some of the things we do to manage our distress are physically harmful to ourselves or others. Put a check mark by those strategies you believe to be physically harmful to you or others under Harmful. Step 6: Finally, some of the things we do to manage our distress move us further away from things that are important to us, from things that we value. They cost us, because our lives become less vital, meaningful, and purposeful as a result. Put a check mark by those strategies you believe move you farther away from the relationships and things that are truly important to you. If you are like most people, you probably noticed that mostif not allof the strategies youve used to try and manage this problem arent working, especially over the long run. Some of the strategies youve listed may work for smaller problems, for things that dont matter so much. But for big issues (like this one) that matter, you may be seeing that they just dont work. If youve discovered that some of your strategies are working over the long term, ask yourself the following questions for each of them: Has this distress gone once and for all? Worksheet: Identifying the strategies that take me away from what I most value Place a check in the box if the statement is true for you1. Identify strategies you have used to avoid unpleasant feelings, or to make yourself feel better2. The strategy does not work 3. The strategy works in the short term4. The strategy works in the long-term5. This strategy can be harmful to myself and/or others 6. This strategy has cost me something. It has sometimes moved me away from what I value.            We are not trying to make you feel hopeless about your life, here. In fact, this whole program is about helping you get more of the things that really matter to you in your lifemore meaning, more purpose, and more aliveness. All of us have wanted more of these things all our lives. For most of us, life often becomes more about trying to avoid distress rather than trying to live life according to what matters to us. That is why it is important to take a long, honest look at what you do when you are distressed. Maybe some things are working. Maybe some things are not working. The distress still lingers, or comes and goesand meanwhile, your life is not getting any more meaningful or vital. Its like getting your car deeply stuck in the mud. You keep pressing on the accelerator, thinking that will get you out of the mess youre in. Meanwhile, the wheels keep spinningand youre still in the mud. Take a few minutes to reflect on the chart youve just made above. Does your experience tell you that trying to get rid of distress hasnt worked? If it hasnt worked after all this time, why would it start working now? Theres an old saying: If you always do what youve always done, youll always get what you always got. And again, were not suggesting that you are hopeless or your life is hopelessjust that trying to banish tough feelings and thoughts when they show up is hopeless. We often think that things will get better when we are in CONTROL of our thoughts and feelings. We wait and wait. Years go by and we are still not in contro. What if we didnt have to wait? What if we could live well now with our thoughts and feelings? 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