(Motivational) .k12.de.us



4619625-257175(Motivational)00(Motivational)7 Timeless Thoughts on Taking Responsibility for Your Lifeby Henrik Edberg “Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will – his personal responsibility.”Albert Einstein“It is a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you yourself and no one else has made it.”Sophocles“A sign of wisdom and maturity is when you come to terms with the realization that your decisions cause your rewards and consequences. You are responsible for your life, and your ultimate success depends on the choices you make.”Denis WaitleyWhat is one of the most boring and tiresome words ever?Like discipline, responsibility is one of those words you have probably heard so many times from authority figures that you’ve developed a bit of an allergy to it. Still, it’s one of the most important things to grow and to feel good about your life. Without it as a foundation nothing else here or in any personal development book really works.So today I’d like to explore personal responsibility with the help from some timeless thoughts on the topic.1. There is always a price to pay.“Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves”Friedrich Nietzsche“Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.”George Bernard Shaw“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”UnknownNot taking responsibility may be less demanding, less painful and mean less time spent in the unknown. It’s more comfortable. You can just take it easy and blame problems in your life on someone else. But there is always a price to pay. When you don’t take responsibility for your life you give away your personal power. Plus more…2. Build your self-esteem.“Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the high road to pride, self-esteem and personal satisfaction.”Brian Tracy“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.”Joan DidionWhy do people often have self-esteem problems? I’d say that one of the big reasons is that they don’t take responsibility for their lives. Instead someone else is blamed for the bad things that happen and a victim mentality is created and empowered.This damages many vital parts in your life. Stuff like relationships, ambitions and achievements.That hurt will not stop until you wise up and take responsibility for your life. There is really no way around it.And the difference is really remarkable. Just try it out. You feel so much better about yourself even if you only take personal responsibility for your own life for day. This is also a way to stop relying on external validation like praise from other people to feel good about yourself. Instead you start building a stability within and a sort of inner spring that fuels your life with positive emotions no matter what other people say or do around you. Which brings us to the next reason to take personal responsibility…3. Give yourself the permission to live the life you want.“When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.”George O’NeilBy taking responsibility for our lives we not only gain control of what happens. It also becomes natural to feel like you deserve more in life as your self-esteem builds and as you do the right thing more consistently. You feel better about yourself. This is critically important.Because it’s most often you that are standing in your own way and in the way of your success. It’s you that start to self-sabotage or hold yourself back in subtle or not so subtle ways once you are on your way to the success you dream of. To remove that inner resistance you must feel and think that you actually deserve what you want. You may be able to do a little about that by affirmations and other positive techniques. But the biggest impact by far comes from taking responsibility for yourself and your life. By doing the right thing.4. Taking action becomes natural.“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”Dietrich BonhoefferIt is often said that your thoughts become your actions. But without taking responsibility for your life those thoughts often just stay on that mental stage and aren’t translated into action. Taking responsibility for your life is that extra ingredient that makes taking action more of a natural thing. You don’t get stuck in just thinking, thinking and wishing so much. You become proactive instead of passive.5. Understand the limits of your responsibility.“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.”EpictetusTaking responsibility for your life is great. But that is also all that you have control over. You can’t control the results of your actions. You can’t control how someone reacts to what you say or what you do.It’s important to know where your limits are. Otherwise you’ll create a lot unnecessary suffering for yourself and waste energy and focus by taking responsibility for what you can’t and never really could control.6. Don’t forget to take responsibility in everyday life too.“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”Helen Keller“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”Abraham LincolnLife consists of each day. Not just the big events sometime in the future. So don’t forget to take responsibility for the little things today too. Don’t postpone it. Taking responsibility for your life can be hard and taxing on you. It’s not something you master over the weekend. So you might as well get started with the it right now.7. Aim to be your best self.“Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.”Henry Ward Beecher“Peak performance begins with your taking complete responsibility for your life and everything that happens to you.”Brian TracyThis is of course not easy. But it’s a lot of fun and the payoff is massive. You are not trying to escape from your life anymore. Instead you take control, face what’s going on and so the world and new options open up for you. You start taking action not just when you feel like it. Improvement isn’t about short spurts once in a while. Consistent action is what really pays off and can help you achieve just about anything. You build your self-esteem to higher levels. And may discover that many smaller problems you experience regularly such as negative thinking, self-defeating behaviour and troubled relationships with yourself and others start to correct themselves as your self-esteem improves. You gain an inner stability and can create your own positive feelings within without the help of validation from other people. So how do you take responsibility? Well, it’s simply choice that you have to make. Reviewing the reasons above – and now also the awesome quotes – is for me a powerful way to keep myself in line. Though it doesn’t always work. Doing the right thing in every situation is hard to do and also hard to always keep in mind. So don’t aim for perfection. Just try to be as good a person as you can be right now.When you know those very important reasons above it becomes a lot easier to stick with taking responsibility. And to not rationalize to yourself that you didn’t really have to take responsibility in various situations. That doesn’t mean that I beat myself up endlessly about it. I just observe that I have hurt myself and my life. And that doesn’t feel good. And so I become less prone to repeat the same mistake.4800600-295275(Informative)00(Informative)Raising Responsible Children0By Kate Rice Feb. 16How can parents raise responsible children — children who can keep themselves out of danger and say "no" to alcohol, drugs and sex? The best solution is an old-fashioned one that may, at first, seem improbable: household chores. Chores top the list of most of the experts interviewed for this story. They had other recommendations as well, of course. Parents should be responsible and set a good example. They must also make clear their expectations for responsible behavior. And, though it can be difficult, they have to let their children suffer the consequences of their own mistakes and learn from those mistakes rather than bail them out (unless it's dangerous not to). They shouldn't, for example, rush to school with children's homework if they forget it. Parents also need to monitor their children's use of the media. (See our earlier story on media.) And it helps if parents can build a community of like-minded friends for themselves and their families. Finally, since teens are hard-wired to take risks, parents should try to give them positive risk-taking options. (See our "tips" for more, below.) Why Chores Work Still, say the experts, chores are key in raising responsible children. But how can making beds and clearing the table help breed a child who will say "no" to drugs, sex and alcohol? Marty Rossman, associate professor of family education at the University of Minnesota, finds that the best predictor of a child's success — defined as not using drugs, quality relationships, finishing education and getting started in a career — is that they began helping with chores at age three or four. The study found that it was important to start young. Rossman is just completing an analysis of data from a study that followed 84 people from childhood into their 20s. While there are no guarantees, chores are the core of a strategy that makes children active members of a family that builds bonds by working together, helping children develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments and improving communication. The chores have to be part of a family endeavor with everyone involved. In other words, if you think you can lie on the couch, television remote in hand, while the kids rake the leaves, forget it. Children also have to be involved in the decision-making process, determining what work needs to be done and when it needs to be done. The Earlier the Better The younger they start, the better, say the experts. And that means 2- and 3-year olds can be expected, for example, to put away toys, albeit with some help. If a toddler wants to help sweep with a baby broom, by all means let him or her help. If you're starting with older children, you've got to add tasks incrementally. Otherwise kids will do chores only as long as you're willing to browbeat them into doing them. The strategy of giving children family responsibilities works because it gives them a sense of belonging to a team and being a contributing member of that team, according to Janis Keyser co-author of Becoming the Parent You Want to Be (). Children, especially older ones, desperately want to belong to a group and chores make them an active part of an important one: their family. Chores also build a sense of confidence and competence, traits that help them resist peer group pressure.Chores are also a way of giving children some leeway within a broader framework that lets them practice making decisions and planning a schedule. Ideally, they learn that making decisions requires a bit of thought. "When there's a choice to be made, pause, check your gut feeling and follow your gut," is the lesson kids need to learn, says Mimi Doe, founder of and author of 10 Principles For Spiritual Parenting and Busy But Balanced. All this makes for a child who functions better in the world, according to Rossman, the University of Minnesota professor. Of course, anyone who has ever asked any child to do anything knows about the inevitable complaints and battles that can follow. Children's complaints are valid. You've got to listen to them. That gives a child a sense that they can disagree — recognition of their complaints validates their opinions and can help equip them for disagreeing with their peers. They still have to do the work that's expected of them but may negotiate for different tasks next week or doing them according to a schedule they set. It requires planning on parents' parts. Telling kids to do one thing and then following that task with another and then another just makes them feel put upon. You've got to be organized and reasonable in assigning chores. Having children do chores also does not mean they get done faster. But parents have to remember that it's not just about getting the job done fast, it's about doing things as a family and teaching kids lessons that will serve them well in the future. "Parents want to get home and just get through the jobs themselves and don't include them in making dinner or sorting laundry," says Keyser. "We miss out. Parents should stop and think, this is my time with my child, what do I want to pass on? It's not only how to make rice or sort laundry but also it's a relationship to work on." The question of allowances accompanies chores and, while children can be paid for some chores, chores should not be tied to pay. The reason? Everyone in the family pitches in to help. Mom and dad don't get paid for making dinner or doing laundry; kids don't get paid for doing what's their fare share. When Keyser talks to children who do chores, she doesn't hear complaints. She hears children who are proud about what they can do. Choosing Not to Drink Fifteen-year-old Jake Alexander and his younger brother and sister live with their dad in the East Bay area near San Francisco. They have plenty of chores to do around the house — folding laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, setting and clearing the dinner table, doing dishes, taking care of the dog and similar tasks. Jake has far more responsibilities than his friends — who often find themselves drafted to help out when they're at his house. "They kind of complain because my dad has them do a little work, too. There's always work to do around here," says Jake. "It's good for me because I'm learning how to take responsibility and do all this and it's kind of bad for them because they're used to having their parents do everything for them." Jake is at an age when he sees some of his peers using alcohol and drugs. "I've made the choice not to drink at all," he says. He's had the occasional invitation — and turns it down. "If I did it right now, I'd regret it later," he says. Chores have strengthened the family's bonds, says Jake. The family dishwasher broke, forcing the family to temporarily do the dishes by hand. "At first it was, 'Oh, man, it's just more work because there's a whole bunch of dishes to wash.' And after a while it got to be fun," Jake says. "It just got to a point where we could laugh and tell jokes and talk about stuff that we needed to talk about that we didn't have time to talk about." Tips for Raising Responsible Children Here are some experts' tips for raising responsible children: As children get older, parents need to realize that teens are hard-wired to take risks, says Stephen Wallace, chairman of SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions/Students Against Drunk Driving). But these risks don't need to involve alcohol, drugs or unsafe sex — although Wallace says many parents consider that inevitable. He calls that the "myth of inevitability." He sees opportunities for positive risk taking. He's still researching this, but sees anecdotal evidence that activities beyond the normal menu are most effective. Some of his examples: helping to build a library for children in Zimbabwe, mountain climbing, starting a community program for the homeless or getting involved in a project working with the elderly. You don't have to do it alone, says James Morris, past president of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy () and assistant professor of marriage and the family at Texas Tech University. He considers the idea of two parents (or often even one) raising children alone is actually new and relatively unnatural. Anthropologically speaking, clans or extended families raised children, he says. So parents need to create their own little village for their children. That could be church or synagogue or an informal group of like-minded families. At the very least, it means knowing your kids' friends and meeting their parents. Be clear with children about what you expect from them. "So often we assume that our kids will absorb or somehow know the right choices," says Doe, when in reality, parents haven't been specific enough. A family should have a philosophy of how it does things as a team to give children a framework for their lives. Then, within that overarching framework, parents have to make it clear that they're responsible for their chores, remembering their lunch or their homework. And if a child forgets, let them feel the consequences, she says. Having kids help with chores makes great sense on paper but is often accompanied by such time-consuming resistance that parents end up doing it themselves. Tackle it in increments. Give kids a chore list to check off (try for sample lists). Start small with younger kids; add responsibilities as they get older. Or, if you're just introducing them to older kids, add them incrementally. Most parents underestimate children's capability to do chores says Elizabeth Pantley, author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation. Give them tools. Set a time for cleaning rooms. Making beds is easier if the child simply pulls up a duvet. Deconstruct tasks. Children get just as overwhelmed by tasks as adults. A pile of toys can look overwhelming so help by giving them one toy and reminding them where it goes, start with the next, and so on. Trade off. Tell a child you'll put away their toys if he or she will bring you the baby's diaper bag so you can go out. You've got to walk the walk yourself. "My philosophy has always been to teach by example," says Peter Alexander, Jake's dad. He believes in accepting your responsibilities, being honest and working hard, tries to do that himself and believes his kids share his values. Doe suggests parents look in the mirror. If you've committed to work on a committee, do you go to meetings or cancel at the last minute because you're tired? If your child wants to take class that requires attendance five Saturdays in a row, do you allow her to stay home when her interest flags or require her to stick it out? (Doe notes that sometimes, a child will have conflicts — say, attending a club meeting or finishing studying for a major test — and cancellations have to be made, but those are exceptions that parents and children can make after careful evaluation.)5496560-285750(Humor)00(Humor)How to Apologize Like a Man by Brett & Kate McKay on August 23, 2009 Taken and edited from: “I’m sorry.” Two simple words and yet two of the hardest to say. We easily utter them in response to trivial matters like accidentally jostling a stranger on the subway or giving the cashier the wrong change. Yet in important matters and to those who mean the most to us, we can find ourselves practically choking on the words. But the inability to apologize can critically wound all of our relationships, from home to work. Learning how to properly apologize is a necessary step in moving from boy to man.Why We Don’t ApologizePride. Apologizing can be particularly hard for men because it involves the admittance of fault. It’s hard to say that we messed up. That we were wrong. Our pride gets in the way.Embarrassment. If we messed up royally, doing something truly boneheaded even though we knew better, it can be difficult to talk about it to the person we hurt or let down. We feel stupid and would rather pretend like it didn’t happen.Anger. Things that need apologizing for are rarely a one way street (more on this later). We probably did something wrong, but the other person probably did too. And sometimes our anger over how they offended us is so great that we justify what we did and can’t get past it to apologize.The antidote to all 3 obstacles? Humility. The reason we put up these walls is that we have an overinflated view of our true selves. We’re always right; we always have it together. But it ain’t true. We’re human. We mess up sometimes. You have to accept your imperfection as a part of life. Suppressing it will cut you off from others. Embracing it will allow you to grow as a man.When to ApologizeEven when it’s not fully your fault. There is a breed of man who will not apologize unless he feels 100% at fault for something. “But it’s not my fault!” is his battle cry. He’s not at fault for throwing away an important document at work because no one specifically told him to hold onto it. He’s not at fault for hurting his girlfriend’s feelings because she shouldn’t have been listening to his conversation with his friends.But almost no situation is 100% one person’s fault. If your wife flew off the handle and called you some cutting things for seemingly no reason, it’s not because she’s just an ice princess; she’s hurt because you’ve been working 80 hour weeks and not spending enough time with her.Even if the fault split is something like 1%/99%, you still need to work hard to humble yourself and come to an understanding of what that 1% is rooted in. Don’t live your life as though every day you’re pleading your case before an imaginary court, presenting evidence for why you are not at fault and are innocent as charged. It’s not as important to be right as it is to have healthy relationships with others. Would you rather be right than give up your relationship with someone? Would you rather be right than lift the hurt feelings from another? Being self-satisfied in your justice offers little benefit but the feeling of smugness. And smugness won’t keep you warm at night.You don’t have to apologize for what truly wasn’t your fault, but you can find the things, no matter how small, that you could have handled better. Once you apologize for those things, that will get the ball rolling for the other person to own up to their mistakes. Don’t let pride stop you from being the bigger person and taking the initiative.Even when you haven’t been caught. As a boy, did you ever break something and then run away, hoping that no one would notice, and that if they did, they wouldn’t connect the crime back to you? This is how a child handles his mistakes. A man owns up to his mistakes and offenses whether or not he thinks he will be held accountable.Quickly. Apologize as soon as you can after making a mistake or committing an offense. The longer you wait, the more resentment is going to build up on both sides, the harder it will be to make the first move, and the more awkward the situation will become. Be a man and nip it in the bud.When Not to ApologizeFor your beliefs. If you offend someone by standing up for your beliefs because you failed to debate like a gentleman and ended up being snarky, attacking the person personally, or generally acting like an ass, then you should apologize for your boorish behavior. However, if you’ve made a completely respectful argument in favor of your position and a person is simply offended because of the nature of your beliefs, then you should never apologize for that. Don’t be sorry for what you hold near and dear to your heart.For not meeting unreasonable expectations. You know this guy. His girlfriend expects him to kowtow to her every wish and treat her like a princess 24/7. When he fails to do this, she expects him to grovel in repentance. This isn’t being sensitive, it’s being a wuss.For everything. This man apologizes for his appearance, for things that aren’t his fault that no one is saying are his fault, and for perceived shortcomings that no one notices until he brings them up. And he keeps on apologizing. Over and over again when everyone else has moved on. Being a compulsive apologizer is highly emasculating and instead of getting you into people’s good graces as you might assume, will simply erode their respect for you.How to ApologizeWrite it if you can’t say it. Sometimes our embarrassment or pride prevents us from going in person to apologize to someone. While a face to face apology is always ideal, if you absolutely can’t do it, then it’s better to get it out then not do it at all. And sometimes a letter or note is actually a superior medium to talking because it allows you to express all of your feelings without forgetting what you want to say or running the risk of setting off another argument.Use humor when appropriate. Some self-deprecating humor can break the tension and cause you both to laugh. I’ve found that drawing little cartoons of me and my mishap can instantly dissipate my wife’s anger. Note that I said, when appropriate. If you cheated on your girlfriend, don’t crack jokes or make cartoons about it. “And see in this panel, that’s me making out with your best friend.”Be sincere. This is the cardinal rule of apologies. An insincere apology is in some ways worse than no apology at all. The person’s hurt over your offense will merely be compounded by their anger at your hypocrisy. An insincere apology may take the form of saying you’re sorry but saying it in such a way that your lack of contrition is patently manifest. Another form is the famous “I’m sorry you’re sorry” apology. This apology admits no fault but pretends like saying you’re sorry that the person was hurt or is angry is still pretty big of you. Don’t bother; it will make the person want to stab with you a trident.Take complete responsibility. Never, ever make any excuses while you’re apologizing. They instantly ruin the weight and sincerity of your confession. Don’t use any “buts.” As in “I’m really sorry that happened, but….” A man takes full responsibility for his mistakes.Express your understanding of why you were wrong and the weight of your mistake. A person wants to know that you fully understand the seriousness of the situation, that you have thought through exactly why what you did was wrong and the full consequences of your actions. Nobody wants to hear an apology from someone who clearly doesn’t know why they’re in the wrong but feels like apologizing is what they’re “supposed” to do.Offer to make restitution. This is a key part of the apology process. You should almost always offer to try in any way you can to make up for your misdeed. This obviously isn’t always possible. If you break your wife’s 5th generation family heirloom vase, you can’t go to Target and buy a replacement. But if a situation can be fixed and rectified, that you should pledge to do whatever it takes to do so.Pledge better behavior in the future. Notice that I said pledge and not promise. While some would argue that if you’re really sorry, you’ll never make the same mistake again, our failings as human beings dictates otherwise. I might be truly sorry for losing my temper on someone, but I’m pretty sure that no matter how hard I try, it’s probably going to happen again somewhere down the line. When you promise someone that something is never going to happen again, you’re setting yourself up for a huge rift to develop if it does. The person will be justifiably doubly hurt, because after all, “You promised!” There are of course some things that you can be almost 100% sure you’ll never do again, and if you feel absolutely confident in that, then make a promise. But generally you should simply pledge that you’re going to be working hard on fixing whatever personality or behavioral faults led to your current offense. You can promise that you’re going to be making an effort to change and turn things around.Prove your contrition with your actions. In the end, words will matter very little if your actions don’t match them. After you’ve apologized, stop dwelling on it. Simply start acting in a way that demonstrates the sincerity of your apology.Move on. Once you’ve given your sincere apology, don’t apologize again. Having you continually apologize may be what the offended party thinks they want from you and it may make them feel better in the short term. But in the long term, it’s going to ruin the relationship. If you continue to grovel then you’ll always be in the inferior position instead of having the person treat you like an equal. Deep down they won’t be respecting you as a man. Either the person accepts your apology or they don’t. If they do, then there’s no need to keep groveling. If they don’t, then the person doesn’t trust you and the relationship has other problems that need to be fixed.5381625-314325(Opinion)00(Opinion)2964815457200020000 Originally published December 7, 2011 at 4:50 PM By Ian Engelbeck (Guest Columnist)Ian Engelbeck of Issaquah is a senior at Skyline High School in Sammamish.?WE are the future. It's a phrase that gets thrown around a lot as students once again speak out against budget cuts to our education system. The powers-that-be must invest in "the future," they say ["Don't pawn off our future," Opinion, Dec. 3]. Cuts must be made, they allow, but not from the education system! The future must be protected, and cared for and coddled. It's in the hands of the politicians to keep the future alive and bright.Well, there's one problem right there. Another problem is that these students seem to forget whose future it is. It isn't the future of the politicians. It's ours. So why are we letting the politicians do what they want with it? It's our future, and we need to take direct responsibility for it.Like any student, I've had good teachers and bad teachers. Our schools are never going to be filled with only good teachers, but there is one lesson best taught by a bad teacher: The responsibility for one's education can only be one's own.It's an often-quoted fact that one of the greatest scientific and political minds this continent has produced only had two years of formal education. This trivia about Benjamin Franklin is sometimes used to point out his unique genius. However, Franklin's genius is not unique. Why did one of 17 children of a candle and soap maker become so successful? As a child, Franklin quickly learned that nobody was going to do anything for him, and this was certainly true of his education. So he read.Franklin was self-educated and self-motivated and every student can be, too. Whether you go to a top-rated school or not, the value of your education is always going to be proportional to the effort you put into it. Students today can learn a lot by Franklin's example.Our state and our country are struggling. What is it about students that make us a special class of citizens who cannot be asked to make sacrifices? It is true that young people are the future of our nation, but we limit and paralyze ourselves when we expect to learn exclusively from teachers and professors, especially as we live in a time when information is more accessible than ever.Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Walt Disney and Thomas Edison all dropped out of school at some time or other. Yet they are some of the people who pushed the limits of human knowledge and experience.The purpose of our education system is to mass-produce general knowledge. It is not designed to turn out new Edisons or Einsteins.Students have a choice: How would we like our education? Mass produced? Or made just for us? Surely the answer is "made just for us," for the same reason that the quality of a product handmade by a craftsman outstrips things that come off a production line.But craftsmen must be paid for their individual attention. The state cannot make an affordable education system based on that model. But students can. Every student is the craftsman of their own education, whether they realize it or not.We as students must dismiss the idea that we are entitled to a good education. We are not. Good education is not our country's duty to us, but our duty to our country and to ourselves. We cannot forget Kennedy's words: "Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country."We are the future, with all the responsibility that brings. We are citizens, with all the obligations of a citizen. We must shoulder these responsibilities; we must ensure for ourselves that we are well-educated. Nobody, not teachers or politicians, can do it for us. ................
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