SAMPLE ESSAY - Kencil Banwarie

SAMPLE ESSAY

Topic: Cloning

Thesis: Cloning is detrimental because of the uncertainty of science and technology, the loss of genetic diversity and the possibility of extinction of a particular species.

After looking at a movie or film that consists of cloned characters, one may almost instantly ask, "can clones really exist"? Yes, scientists have been able to clone organisms. The University of Utah defined cloning as producing identical organisms from an adult host. Cloning experiments and research, however, are carefully considered for the future generations and were found to be detrimental. Cloning is detrimental because of the uncertainty of science and technology, the loss of genetic diversity and the possibility of extinction of a particular species. Scientists cannot promise that a clone will grow and develop healthy because they are uncertain of their scientific methods and technology. Genetic diversity may be lost because of gene alterations of an organism's genotypic composition. A species may become extinct because of inbreeding within the population. Cloning should not be practiced.

Scientists cannot promise that a clone will grow and develop healthy because they are not certain about their scientific methods and technology. Ian Wilmut and his colleagues, from Roslin Institute in Scotland, cloned the first mammal for the first time in history (1996). A sheep, named Dolly, was the successful clone. But what really happened during the experiment? The experiment started with 277 fused eggs of which 29 became fertilized. The fertilized eggs were then transferred to 13 sheep, but only one became pregnant with Dolly and she was born on July 5, 1996. There were several dead fetuses that were discovered from the remaining 12 sheep. It was later concluded that the methods and technology that were used were not very effective. Dolly eventually died in early 2003 from an abnormal disease in sheep of her age. Should cloning be continued so that more sex cells will be sacrificed? Thomas E. Lovejoy quoted, "Genetic engineers do not make new genes, they simply rearrange existing ones". Because of these rearrangements of genes, genetic diversity may be lost.

Gene diversity may be lost because of gene alterations of an organism's genotypic composition. Genetic diversity is what keeps an entire population from being "wiped out" by a singular pathogen. Gene mutations occur naturally, Thomas Hunt Morgan discovered and described the first gene mutation observed in a fruit fly in 1910. When gene diversity is lost, the population is subjected to diseases (in most cases, genetic diseases) because of their genetic composition. Nettie Stevens and Edmund Wilson (1905) independently described the XX genes in females and the XY genes of males. When cloned, an organism has identical genes and is high risk to acquire recessive diseases from both parents. There are 15, 500 genetic diseases according to a 1994 "Genetic diseases stats sheet" release. Because of the identical genotypes in cloned individuals, inbreeding is very likely to occur.

A species may become extinct because of inbreeding that may occur within the population, that is, only if cloning is prevalent in the population. Inbreeding, also defined by the University of Utah, involves the mating of genetically related individuals. Since clones have identical genes, inbreeding will occur. But how is extinction possible? While some propose that inbreeding is beneficial to a population, statistics and studies have shown that they there are more than 7.3 million infertility cases in the United

Comment [KB1]: A good thesis statement will outline the main points that will be discussed during the essay. In this case, the reasons are given to say why cloning is detrimental.

Comment [KB2]: It is good to have definition from which your essay will revolve around. However, try not to use the high-school format of quoting the Oxford Dictionary. You can construct your own definition that does not have to be a "dictionary definition".

Comment [KB3]: Thesis statement is included in the introduction.

Comment [KB4]: There is no need to include this sentence, because it was already implied. The conclusion also reinforces this statement, so there is no need to put it here.

Comment [KB5]: Topic Sentence. This paragraph is based entirely on this sentence.

Comment [KB6]: Research information is key to supporting your points. The example of Dolly is an excellent supporting point.

Comment [KB7]: The use of rhetorical questions is encouraged in a persuasive essay.

Comment [KB8]: Transition: "Genetic diversity" is the concept that will be discussed in the next paragraph. This last sentence links two concepts: uncertainty of cloning (rearrangement of genes) and genetic diversity.

Comment [KB9]: Again, backing up a point with research information and authoritative sources is very important.

Comment [KB10]: Same as KB 8.

Comment [KB11]: Transition key phrase which links it to the topic sentence below.

Comment [KB12]:

Comment [KB13]: This is a common homonym confusion among ENG 115 students. Note the differences among" "they", "they're", "their", and "there". Sometimes, when you write quickly you may overlook it. Please edit when you are finished writing.

States of America. If cloning is practiced, there would be more genetically related individuals to mate but who would reproduce if the infertility rates are maximized? Certainly not humans with animals! Richard Nicholson from BBME notes, "we may sow the seed to our destruction".

Considering the fact that scientists are uncertain about their own methods and technology, the lost loss of genetic diversity and the possibility of extinction of a population, should cloning be practiced? Positively, former president of the United States, Bill Clinton, banned cloning. However, research was allowed to be continued so that scientists, perhaps, will be able to promise and prove that their methods and technology are safe to be practiced. For now, they should not practice cloning because they will put the entire population of planet earth, both humans and animals, in jeopardy. A new evolutionary period would have to research restart ! We would enter an entirely new period of evolution that may be more catastrophic rather than progressive.

Comment [KB14]: Verb was missing. Nicholson "notes", "states", "posits", "argues", etc. Comment [KB15]: Wrong homonym.

Comment [KB16]: Or, "On a positive note, former..."

Comment [KB17]: Can be expressed in a different way as in KB18. Comment [KB18]: This may be a better sentence to end with.

References:

Oracle Education Foundation, "Disadvantages of cloning", accessed November 12, 2011.

University Of Utah, Learning Site, "Definitions of terms in genetics", November 12, 2011.

British Bulletin of medical Ethics (BBME), Richard Nicholson, "we may sow the seed to our destruction'. November 19, 2011.

"1994 Genetics Stats Sheet", November 19, 2011.

Ian Wilmut experiment from, "To clone or not to clone, the ethical question". on November 19, 2011.

Comment [KB19]: While points were not discounted for improper documentation of references, the URLs should be given in all cases.

Comment [KB20]: Insert URL here.

KENCIL'S NOTE:

Essay scored points for organisation (topic sentences, thesis statement, transitions), grammar (generall good grammar with minimal errors), content (good use of research/sources; knowledge on the issue).

The essay was informative and persuasive, and fulfils the criteria for an A student who will either suggest or demonstrate superiority.



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