Rugby Songs for the Boys
Rye Rugby Club Songs..
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Rye RFC
Contents
1. Swing Low Sweet Chariot 7
2. Flower of Scotland 7
3. Bread of Heaven 7
4. All Black’s Haka 7
5. God Save the Queen 8
6. La Marseillaise 8
7. Ireland's Call 8
8. Jerusalem 9
9. Amazing Grace 9
10. A Soldier's Song (Rep of Ireland anthem) Gaelic 9
11. A Soldier's Song (Rep of Ireland anthem) English 9
12. Molly Malone (Cockles & Mussels) 10
13. Were the Marrying Kind (a.k.a,The Rugby Song) 10
14. Yogi 10
15. Waltzing Matilda 11
16. Danny Boy 12
17. The Wild Rover 12
18. In the Front Row 12
19. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life 12
20. Why was he Born so Beautiul 13
21. Jesus Can’t Play Rugby 13
22. Dough – A Thing I Buy Beer With 13
23. Zula Warrior 13
24. Why Are We Waiting? 14
25. It’s a Long Way to Tipperary 14
26. Pack up your Troubles 14
27. Two Little Boys 14
28. Delilah 14
29. You’ll Never Walk Alone 14
30. I Believe 15
31. Ruggers Go Marching 15
32. Renegade Rawhide 15
33. Daisy Daisy 16
34. Fields of Athenry 16
35. By the Light of the Silvery Moon 16
36. When the Red, Red, Robin 16
37. The Wreck of the John B 16
38. The Medley 17
39. The Wanker Song 17
40. Daydream Believer 17
41. If I Were the Marrying Kind 18
42. I Wanna Hold Your Hand 18
43. Billy Don’t be a Hero 18
44. Hard Days Night 19
45. Help! 19
46. I Met a Whore in the Park 20
47. She Loves You 20
48. Didja’ Ever 21
49. Yesterday 21
50. Shoot the Boot Song 21
51. American Pie 22
52. Sixteen Tons 22
53. Black Velvet Band 23
54. Jonestown 23
55. Toasts 24
56. Sit on My Face 24
57. Sex Life of a Camel 25
58. Balls to Your Partner 25
59. S & M Man 27
60. On the Ball 29
61. I don't wanna join the Army 29
62. Father Abraham 29
63. Every Sperm is Sacred 29
64. Engineer Song 30
65. Douche Bag 31
66. Department Store in Chicago 31
67. Carolina (way down in Alabama) 31
68. Barnacle Bill the Sailor 32
69. Alouette 33
70. Alcoholic's Anthem 34
71. ABORTION 34
72. The 12 Hours of Rugby 35
73. Show me the Way to Go Home 36
74. He Jumped From 40,000 Feet 36
75. The Alphabet 37
76. Bang Bang Lulu 37
77. Carolina 38
78. Casey Jones 38
79. Drive It On 38
80. Fuck 'em All 39
81. Good Ship Venus 39
82. Ivan Scavinsky Scavar 39
83. John Brown's Prick 40
84. Grandfather's Cock 40
85. Knobby Hall 40
86. The Lobster 41
87. Lydia Pinkham 41
88. No Balls At All 41
89. O'Reilly's Daughter 42
90. Roll Me Over 42
91. Seven Old Ladies 42
92. Sing A Song Of Syphilis 43
93. Sweet Violets 43
94. Three German Officers 43
95. The Tinker 44
96. Twelve Days of Christmas 45
97. What Shall We Do With A Homo Sailor ? 45
98. Whoredean School 45
99. Yo-ho 46
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Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home.
I looked over Jordan, and
What did I see,
Comin' for to carry me home?
A band of angels comin' after me,
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
If you get there before I do
Comin' for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends I'm comin' too
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Sometimes I'm up,
Sometimes I'm down,
Comin' for to carry me home
Yet still my soul feels heavn'ly bound,
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Flower of Scotland
O Flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again,
That fought and died for
Your wee bit Hill and Glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
The Hills are bare now
And Autumn leaves lie thick and still
O'er land that is lost now
Which those so dearly held
That stood against him
Proud Edward's Army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
Those days are past now
And in the past they must remain
But we can still rise now
And be the nation again
That stood against him
Proud Edward's Army
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.
0 Flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again,
That fought and died for
Your wee bit Hill and Glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again
Bread of Heaven
Guide me, O thou great Redeemer,
Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but thou are mighty,
Hold me with thy powerful hand;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more.
Open now the crystal fountain,
Whence the healing stream doth flow;
let the fire and cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through:
Strong deliverer,
Be thou still my strength and shield.
When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fear subside;
Death of death, and hell's destruction.
Land me safe on Canaan's side:
Songs of praises
I will ever give to thee.
All Black’s Haka
The Haka is a war dance which is chanted (yelled) by the New Zealand All Blacks at their opponents before each match Traditionally it was chanted by Maori warriors before charging into battle.
Legend has it that around the 1850's there was a war chief named Te Rauparaha. Te Rauparaha was part of the Ngati Toa tribe which lived near modern day Wellington. One day he was being chased by his enemies and, in an attempt to evade them, he hid in a kumara pit. After a short while he heard noises above and thought his foes had found him. He looked up at the top of the pit as it was opened. The sun was bright and blinded Te Rauparaha, then when his eyes adjusted, he saw the legs of an extremely hairy local chief. Realizing he had eluded his pursuers and was safe, he jumped from the pit, and performed the Haka on the spot. He then ran off to do a little chasing of his own.
Ka mate, Ka Mate
(It is death, It is death)
Ka ora, Ka ora
(It is life, It is life)
Ka mate, Ka mate
(It is death, It is death)
Ka ora, Ka ora
(It is life, It is life)
Tenei Te Tangata Puhuruhuru
(This is the hairy man)
Nana i tiki mai whakawhiti te ra
(who caused the sun to shine again for me)
Upane, Upane
(Up the ladder, Up the ladder)
Upane, Kaupane
(Up to the top)
Whiti te ra
(the sun shines)
God Save the Queen
God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the Queen!
O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
Oh, save us all!
Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign;
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice,
God save the Queen!
Not in this land alone,
But be God's mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world over
From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the Queen!
O'er her thine arm extend,
For Britain's sake defend,
Our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!
La Marseillaise
Allons enfants de la Patrie
Le jour de gloire est arrivé
Contre nous de la tyrannie
L'étendard sanglant est levé
L'étendard sanglant est levé
Entendez vous dans les campagnes mugir ces féroces soldats
Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras, égorger vos fils, vos compagnes
Aux armes citoyens! Formez vos bataillons!
Marchons, marchons, qu'un sang impur abreuve nos sillons
and in translation
Arise children of the fatherland
The day of glory has arrived
Against us tyranny's
Bloody standard is raised
Listen to the sound in the fields
The howling of these fearsome soldiers
They are coming into our midst
To cut the throats of your sons and consorts
To arms citizens, form you battalions
March, march, let impure blood water our furrows
Ireland's Call
Come the day and come the hour,
Come the power and the glory,
We have come to answer our country's call,
For the four proud Provinces of Ireland
Ireland, Ireland,
Together standing tall,
Shoulder to shoulder,
We'll answer Ireland's call
Ireland, Ireland,
Together standing tall,
Shoulder to shoulder,
We'll answer Ireland's call
Jerusalem
And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England’s mountains green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England’s pleasant pasture seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among those dark satanic mills?
Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England’s green and pleasant land.
Amazing Grace
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me,
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.
‘Twas grace, that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fear relieved,
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
We have already come,
‘Twas grace that brought us safe thus far,
and grace will lead us home.
A Soldier's Song (Rep of Ireland anthem) Gaelic
Amhrán na bhFiann
Seo dhibh a cháirde duan óglaigh,
Cathréimeach briomhar ceolmhar,
ár dtinte cnámh go buacach táid,
'S an spéir go min réaltogach
Is fonnmhar faobhrach sinn chun gleo
'S go tiúnmhar glé roimh thíocht do'n ló
Fé chiúnas chaomh na hoiche ar seol:
Seo libh canaídh Amhrán na bhFiann
Chorus
Sinne Firnna Fáil
A tá fé gheall ag éirinn,
buion dár slua
Thar toinn do ráinig chugainn,
Fé mhóid bheith saor.
Sean tír ár sinsir feasta
Ní fhagfar fé'n tiorán ná fén tráil
Anocht a théam sa bhearna bhaoil,
Le gean ar Ghaeil chun báis nó saoil
Le guna screach fé lámhach na bpiléar
Seo libh canaídh Amhrán na bhFiann
Cois bánta réidhe, ar árdaibh sléibhe,
Ba bhuachach ár sinsir romhainn,
Ag lámhach go tréan fé'n sár-bhrat séin
Tá thuas sa ghaoith go seolta
Ba dhúchas riamh d'ár gcine cháidh
Gan iompáil siar ó imirt áir,
'S ag siúl mar iad i gcoinne námhad
Seo libh, canaídh Amhrán na bhFiann
Chorus
A Soldier's Song (Rep of Ireland anthem) English
We'll sing a song, a soldier's song,
With cheering rousing chorus,
As round our blazing fires we throng,
The starry heavens o'er us;
Impatient for the coming fight,
And as we wait the morning's light,
Here in the silence of the night,
We'll chant a soldier's song
Chorus
Soldiers are we
Whose lives are pledged to Ireland;
Some have come
From a land beyond the wave.
Sworn to be free,
No more our ancient sire land
Shall shelter the despot or the slave.
Tonight we man the gap of danger
In Erin's cause, come woe or weal
Mid cannons roar and rifles peal,
We'll chant a soldier's song
In valley green, on towering crag,
Our fathers fought before us,
And conquered 'neath the same old flag
That's proudly floating o'er us.
We're children of a fighting race,
That never yet has known disgrace,
And as we march, the foe to face,
We'll chant a soldier's song
Chorus
Molly Malone (Cockles & Mussels)
In Dublin's fair city,
Where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone
As she wheel'd her wheel barrow
Thro' streets broad and narrow
Chorus:
Crying "Cockles and Mussels alive, alive O!"
Alive, alive O! Alive, alive O
Crying Cockles and Mussels Alive, alive O!
She was a fishmonger,
But sure 'twas no wonder,
For so were her father and mother before,
And they each wheel'd their barrow
Thro' streets broad and narrow,
Chorus:
She died of a fever
And no one could save her,
And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone;
But her ghost wheels her barrow
Thro' streets broad and narrow
Chorus:
Were the Marrying Kind (a.k.a,The Rugby Song)
(This song is a classic and required knowledge by every rugger. Practically every team sings it, usually tweaking it to fit the team’s personality. Obviously not every verse is sung, because the song would be way too long, but we wanted to give you an idea of the variations. )
I were the marrying kind
Which thank the lord I'm not, sir
the kind of rugger I would wed
would be a rugby .....
(team points to the hooker. Hooker puts beer on top of head)
HOOKER: Hooker sir!
GROUP: Why sir?
HOOKER:
'cause I'd swipe balls, and you'd swipe balls
we'd all swipe balls together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
swiping balls together
GROUP:
If I were the marrying kind
Which thank the lord I'm not, sir
the kind of rugger I would wed
would be a rugby .....
(team points to the props. Props put beer on head)
PROPS: Prop sir!
GROUP: Why sir?
PROPS:
'cause I'd support a hooker
and you'd support a hooker
we'd all support a hooker together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
supporting hookers together
Other verses:
2nd Row : grab Crotch, sniff Butt
Flanker: get off quick
No. 8: hold until you come
Scrumhalf: put it in, grab balls
Flyhalf: whip it out, call shots
Centers: look for the hole, pass out
Wing: go hard, never get it, come too fast, spread it wide
Fullback: kick balls, get fucked, find touch
Any Forward: get stripped
Any Back: get laid
Scrum: go down
Rule Book: get violated
Shorts: go up your butt
Halftime Orange: get sucked
Mouthguard: get licked, get sucked
Spectator: get to watch
Spectator on a rainy day: come in rubber, be wet
Spectator on a sunny day: come again
Goal Posts: get split, stand erect
Cleats: get screwed
Groundskeeper: trim bush, do lines
Whistle: get blown
Boot:: come in boxes, get tied up
Ball: strapped in leather, get touched, get pumped
Pitch: grow weed, be hard
Team from far away: come for hours
Team on a bus: get off
Drunk Team: get fucked up
Yogi
Soloist volunteer for each verse during the previous by raising their hand, and are chosen by a chairman (or the concensus) pointing at them. Everyone sings words in capital letters.
Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races"
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, YOGI,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
CHORUS:
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR.
Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, BOOBOO,
Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, Booboo Bear
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE "FRIEND,"
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR.
And similarly:
Yogi's got a girlfriend,
Suzi, SUZI,
Yogi's got a girlfriend,
Suzi, Suzi Bear
Yogi's got a enemy,
Ranger, RANGER,
Yogi's got a enemy,
Ranger, Ranger Smith
Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum, CAMMUM
Cammum, Camembert.
Booboo likes it on the fridge, polar, POLAR
Polar, polar bear.
Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum, CUCUM
Cucum, cucumber.
Yogi likes to shave his pubes, grizzly, GRIZZLY
Grizzly, grizzly bare.
Yogi likes a good beer bust, Lone Star, LONE STAR
Lone Star, Lone Star Bear
Suzi likes it on the fridge, polar, POLAR, polar bear.
Booboo likes it up the arse, brown, BROWN, brown bear.
Suzi hates it up the arse, something, SOMETHING she cant bear
Suzi only three feet tall, perfect, PERFECT, perfect bear.
Yogi has a twelve inch cock, Suzi’s a lucky bear.
Suzi likes a ménage à trois, she's my kind of bear.
Suzi likes lingerie, teddy, teddy, teddy bear.
Suzi has no teeth, Gummi, GUMMI, Gummi bear.
Suzi she has great big tits, More than, MORE THAN I can bear.
Boo-Boo likes it upside down, Koala, KOALA, Koala bear.
Yogi got the crabs, itchy, ITCHY, itchy bear.
Yogi also likes young boys, Poofter, POOFTER, Poofter bear.
Yogi likes to roll his own, Smoky, SMOKY, Smoky bear.
Ranger Smith lives by himself, Wanker, WANKER, Wanker Smith.
Yogi uses condoms, Clever, CLEVER, Clever bear.
Boo-Boo pokes holes in them, naughty, NAUGHTY, naughty bear.
Waltzing Matilda
Oh! there once was a swagman camped in a Billabong,
Under the shade of a Coolabah tree;
And he sang as he looked at his old billy boiling,
"Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?"
Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda, my darling?
Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?
Waltzing Matilda and leading a water-bag -
Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?
Down came a jumbuck to drink at the water-hole,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee;
And he sang as he stowed him away in his tucker-bag,
"You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me"
Down came the squatter a-riding his thoroughbred;
Down came policemen - one, two and three.
"Whose is the jumbuck you've got in the tucker-bag?
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me!"
But the swagman he up and he jumped in the water-hole,
Drowning himself by the Coolabah tree;
And his ghost may be heard as it sings in the Billabong
"Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?"
Danny Boy
Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.
But come you back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.
And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.
And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.
The Wild Rover
I¹ve been a wild rover for many a year,
And I¹ve spent all my money on whiskey and beer,
But now I¹m returning with gold in great store,
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
And it¹s No, Nay, Never,
No, Nay, Never, No more,
Will I play the wild rover,
No, never, No more.
I went into an alehouse I used to frequent,
And I told the landlady my money was spent,
I asked her for credit, she answered me Nay,
Such custom as yours I could have every day.
Repeat chorus…
I brought up from my pockets 10 sovereigns bright,
And the landlady¹s eyes lit up with delight,
She said I have whiskey and wines of the best,
And the words that I spoke were only in jest
Repeat chorus…
I¹ll go home to my parents, confess what I¹ve done,
And I¹ll ask them to pardon their prodigal son.
And when they¹ve caressed me as oft times before,
I never will play the wild rover no more.
Repeat chorus…
In the Front Row
Tune: the Wild Rover
I've been a propforward as long as I know,
And will always do nothing but play the frontrow.
You might think we're crazy, just stupid or dumb,
But without us you wouldn't win one single scrum.
And it's close, tight, together,
Never back we will go.
Cause we'll always be playing,
In the frontrow.
I stand in between them, and hooker's my name,
Striking at balls is my favourite game.
Channels and tactics, just give me a call,
Cause I am by far the smartest of all.
Our numbers are easy, they're one, two and three,
Or in the same order, it's a, b and c.
It's common logic, we're always up front,
Ask us a question, we'll probably go HUH
No second or backrow, no scrumhalf or back,
We are the pillars of both team and pack.
You may wonder why, but you will never know,
Unless you have tried to play in the frontrow.
Scrummage is easy, we say "peace-of-cake",
We push them around until we hear something break.
Referee or others, we don't give a fuck,
We are the best in a fast forward ruck.
Our job in the lineout is to lift and protect,
And hand-off opponents in case they object.
Wheeling a maul is great fun to do,
Cause if we are lucky we get to score too.
You might not believe it, we sometimes do think,
It most likely happens when we need a drink.
Running makes thirsty and energy’is spilt,
that’is why our stomaches are constantly filled.
Now that you know what the frontrow's about,
Guess what we think when we give you a shout
Dropping a ball may look clumsy to you,
But winning a scrum is what we’are born to do.
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
If life seems jolly rotten
Then there’s something you’ve forgotten
An that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
That’s the thing.
And …
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin
And give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it’s your last chance anyhow
So…
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke … it’s true
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ‘em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And …
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life …
Why was he Born so Beautiul
Why was he born so beautiful
Why was he born at all
He's no fucking use to anyone
He's no fucking use at all
He should be publicly pissed on,
He should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
He should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
So, DRINK chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
DRINK!
Jesus Can’t Play Rugby
(sung to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" a.k.a. "Glory, Glory Hallelujah")
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
Other verses:
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's only got twelve men
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he can't support a hooker
Jesus can't play touch judge 'cause his arms point both ways
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's nailed to the cross
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got holes in his feet
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got some open wounds
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal toe cleats
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause the ball goes through his hands
Last verse:
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
Dough – A Thing I Buy Beer With
(To the tune of "Doe a deer" from The Sound of Music Music.)
Dough a Thing I Buy Beer With
Ray a guy who buys me beer
Me, a guy I buy beer for
Fa, a long way to the bar
So, I think I'll have a beer
La, la la la la la la
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer
that brings us back to dough oh oh oh ....
Zula Warrior
Olé zooma zooma zooma
Olé zooma zooma chief
Drink it down you Zulu warrior
Drink it down you Zulu chief
Drink it down you Zulu warrior
Drink it down you Zulu chief, chief, chief!
Why Are We Waiting?
Why are we waiting,
We could be masturbating,
Oh, why are we waiting,
So fucking long.
Oh, why are we waiting,
We could be fornicating,
Oh, why are we waiting,
Oh, why are we waiting,
Oh, why are we waiting,
So fucking long!
It’s a Long Way to Tipperary
It’s a long way to Tipperary,
It’s a long way to go,
It’s a long way to Tipperary,
To the sweetest girl I know.
Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square,
It’s a long, long way to Tipperary,
But my heart’s right there.
Pack up your Troubles
Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag
and smile, smile, smile
While you’ve a Lucifer to light your fag,
Smile boys that’s the style.
What’s the use of worrying?
It never was worth while,
So! Pack up you troubles in your old kit bag,
And smile, smile, smile.
Two Little Boys
Two little boys had two little toys,
Each had a wooden horse,
Gaily, they’d play, each summers day,
Warriors both of course.
One little chap then had a mishap,
Broke off his horses head,
Wept for his toy, then cried in joy,
When his young playmate said.
“Did you think I would leave you crying,
when there’s room on my horse for two?
Climb up here Jack, we’ll soon be flying,
I can go just as fast with two!
When we grow up we’ll both be soldiers,
And our horses will not be toys,
And I wonder if we’ll remember,
When we were two little boys?”
Long years past, war came so last,
Bravely they marched away,
Cannons roared loud and in the mad crowd,
Wounded and dying lay,
Up went a shout! A horse dashes out,
Out from the ranks so blue,
Galloped away to where Joe lay,
Then came a voice he knew.
“Did you think I would leave you dying,
when there’s room on my horse for two?
Climb up here Joe we’ll soon be flying.
Back to the ranks so blue,
Can you feel Joe? I’m all a tremble,
Well it may be the battles noise,
But I think it’s that I remember
When we were two little boys”.
Delilah
I saw the light on the night that I passed by her
Window,
I saw the flickering shadows of love on her blind,
She was my woman, as she deceived me I watched
And went out of my mind.
Chorus
My, my, my Delilah, Why, why, why Delilah,
I could see that girl was no good for me,
But I was lost like a slave that no man could free.
At break of day when that man drove away I was
Waiting,
I crossed the street to her house and I knocked
On her door,
She stood there laughing, I felt the knife in my
Hand and she laughed no more
My, my, my Delilah, Why, why, why Delilah,
So before they come to knock down the door
Forgive me Delilah I just couldn’t take any more
Forgive me Delilah I just couldn’t take any more
You’ll Never Walk Alone
When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don’t be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the storm
There’s a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, Walk on,
With hope in your heart.
And you’ll never walk alone.
You’ll never walk alone.
I Believe
I believe for every drop of rain that falls
a flower grows,
I believe that somewhere in the darkest night
a candle glows,
I believe for everyone who goes astray
Someone will come to show the way
I believe, I believe
I believe above the storm the smallest prayer
will still be heard,
I believe that someone in the great somewhere
hears every word.
Every time I hear a newborn baby cry or
touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why I BELIEVE
Ruggers Go Marching
The ruggers go marching one by one, Ruck on! Ruck on!
The ruggers go marching one by one, Ruck on! Ruck on!
The ruggers go marching one by one,
The little one stops to set the scrum
And they all go marching down....
(Where?) To the pitch (Why?) To play in the mud, boom, boom, boom
Two by two -- go to the loo
Three by three -- tape a knee
Four by four -- try to score
Five by five -- sink and drive
Six by six -- scope for chicks
Seven by seven -- pick up Kevin (Who's Kevin? Who knows? Who cares?)
Eight by eight -- masturbate
Nine by nine -- lay the line
Ten by ten -- fuck a hen (why? Cause beastiality's best, boys...)
Renegade Rawhide
Tune: same as original Rawhide
Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’
Beat up, bruised, and swolen
We just keep on rollin,
Renegades
We’ll play in any weather.
We’re hell bent for leather.
We don’t need praise nor accolades.
Depending on each other,
We’re fifteen bad ass brothers
Backin' every move each other makes.
Doo Dek Doo (3x)
Movin', movin', movin'
Down the field we’re movin'
Scissorin’, cuttin', and jukin'
Renegades
Our backs score lots of tries and
Our opponents get the Heissman
It’s elbows and assholes all the way
That breeze you fealt was caused by
A Renegade back fly-by
Chalk another up for the old gray
Doo Dek Doo (3x)
Ruckin and a maulin
We’ll take that fuckin ball and
Drive that bitch the other fuckin' way.
Challange our rucks and mauls
If you’ve got the balls
Chalk another up for the old gray.
Doo Dek Doo (3x)
gray and black
black and gray
gray and black
black and gray
gray and black
black and gray
Renegades
Black and gray
gray and black
black and gray
gray and black
black and gray
gray and balck
All the way Renegades!
All the way Renegades!
Daisy Daisy
Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer, do,
I’m half crazy,
All for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage,
I can’t afford a carriage,
But you’ll look sweet,
Upon the seat,
Of a bicycle made for two
Fields of Athenry
By a lonely prison wall,
I heard a young girl calling:
"Michael, they are taking you away,
For you stole Trevelyn’s corn,
So the young might see the morn.
Now a prison ship lies waiting in the bay"
Chorus:
Low lie the fields of Athenry,
Where once we watched the small free birds fly.
Our love was on the wing.
We had dreams and songs to sing.
It’s so lonely round the fields of Athenry
By a lonely prison wall,
I heard a young man calling:
"Nothing matters, Mary, when you’re free.
Against the famine and the crown
I rebelled, they cut me down.
Now you must raise our child with dignity"
Chorus
By a lonely harbour wall,
She watched the last star falling,
As that prison ship sailed out against the sky.
Sure she’ll wait and hope and pray
For her love in Botany Bay,
It’s so lonely round the fields of Athenry
Chorus
By the Light of the Silvery Moon
By the light of the silvery moon,
I love to spoon, with my honey and croon
love’s tune,
Honeymoon,
Keep a shining in June
Your silvery beams, will bring love’s dreams
We’ll be cuddling soon
By the light of the moon
When the Red, Red, Robin
When the red, red robin comes
bob, bob, bobbing along, along.
There’ll be no more sobbin’
when he starts throbbin’
his old sweet song.
Wake up, wake up you sleepy head,
Get up, get up, get out of bed,
Cheer up, cheer up, the sun is red,
Live, love, laugh and be happy.
What if I’ve been blue,
Now I’m walking through
fields of flowers.
Rain may glisten,
But still I listen for hours and hours.
I’m just a kid again,
doin’ what I did again,
Singing a song,
When the red, red robin comes
Bob, bob, bobbin’ along
The Wreck of the John B
We sailed on the sloop John B,
My grandpappy and me.
Round Nassau town we did roam.
Drinking all night, got into a fight,
I feel so broke up, I want to go home.
Chorus:
So hoist up the John B’s sails,
See how the mainsail’s set
Send for the captain ashore, let me go home
I want to go home I want to go home
I feel so broke up, I want to go home
The first mate, he got drunk,
Broke in the captains trunk
Constable came aboard and took him away
Sheriff John Stone please let me alone
I feel so broke up I want to go home.
Chorus
Poor cook he got the fits,
Threw away all the grits,
Then he took and ate up all of my corn,
Let me go home. I want to go home,
I feel so broke up I want to go home.
Chorus
The captain is a wicked man
Beats us every time that he can
He don’t care about old Grandpappy and me
Let me go home. I want to go home
This is the worst trip I’ve ever been on.
The Medley
We were strolling along
On moonlight bay
You could here the darkies singing
They seem to say
You have stolen my heart
Now don’t go away
As we sang loves old sweet song
On moonlight bay
The bells are ringing for me and my gal
Scooby do Scooby do
The birds are singing for me and my gal
Everybody is knowing
To a wedding they’re going
And for weeks they’ve been sowing
Every Suzie and Sal
They’re congregating for me and my gal
Scooby do Scooby do
The Parsons waiting
For me and my gal
And some day soon
We’re gonna build a little home for two
Or three or four or more
In love land for me and my gal
Abe Abe Abe my boy
What are you waiting for now
You promised to marry me some day in June
It’s never too late and it’s never too soon
All the family
Keep on asking me
Which way what way I’m in the family way
Abe Abe Abe my boy
What are you waiting for now
We’re gonna wait till the sun shines Nelly
And the clouds go drifting by
We’ll be together Nelly
Sweet by and by
Down lovers lane we’ll wander
Sweethearts you and I
We’re wait till the sun shines Nelly
Sweet by and by
I want some beer
Just like the beer
That pickled dear old Dad
It was the beer
And the only beer that Daddy ever had
Good old fashioned beer with lots of foam
It took six men to carry Daddy home
I want some beer
Just like the beer
That pickled dear old Dad
Roll over Mabel it’s better on the other side…
The Wanker Song
My mother said that I never should
Play with the naughty rude girls in the wood
Their giggling talk I could never understand
And that’is why I fell in love with my right hand
And that's why:
Chorus:
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I'm always pulling my pud.
I was 25 years old before I was kissed
Then I found that I preferred a swift-one of the wrist
It's cheap and convenient
You can't catch VD
It's available at any time
And it's absolutely free
And that's why:
Chorus:
Oh Mrs. Hand and your five lovely daughters
Thank you for having me and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms and my donkey's growing shorter
My knees have turned to water and I think I am going blind
I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've even wanked in a train
I've used a badger and a melon and a cat
An inflatable Linda Lovelace and a Davy Crocket hat
And that's why:
Chorus:
Daydream Believer
Oh I could hide neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings
The six o’clock alarm would never ring
But it rings and I rise
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes
My shaving razor’s cold and it stings
Cheer up sleepy Jean
O what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a home coming Queen
You once thought of me
As a white Knight on a steed
Now you know how happy I can be
O our good times start and ends
Without dollar one to spend
But how much baby do we really need
Cheer up sleepy Jean
O what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a home coming Queen
Cheer up sleepy Jean
O what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a home coming Queen
If I Were the Marrying Kind
If i were a marrying kind
And thank the Lord I'm not sir
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby prop sir
Prop sir?
'cause i'd support hookers
And you'd support hookers
We'd all support hookers together
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Supporting hookers together
(the next verses change "prop" with the first line
and "support a hooker" with the second line)
Wing three-quarter -go hard,
Center three-quarter -pass it out,
Rugby fly-half -whip it out,
Rugby scrum-half -strike hard,
Big pop-forward -blind tight.
Rugby referee-blow hard,
Spectator-come again.
2nd row-sniff butt
scrum half-put it in
halftime orange-get sucked
spectator on a rainy day-come in rubbers
spectator on a sunny day-come again
goal post-stand erect
grounds keeper #1-trim bush
grounds keeper #2-do lines
boot-come in boxes
cleat-get screwed
ball-pumped
whistle-blown
I Wanna Hold Your Hand
Oh yeh, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand,
When I say that something,
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
Oh please, say to me
You'll let me be your man,
And please say to me
You'll let me hold you hand,
Now let me hold your hand,
I wanna hold your hand.
And when I touch you I feel happy inside
It's such a feeling
That my love I can't hide,
I can't hide, I can't hide
Yeh, you got that something,
I think you'll understand,
When I say that something,
I wanna hold your hand,
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand.
And when I touch you I feel happy inside
It's such a feeling
That my love I can't hide,
I can't hide, I can't hide
Yeh, you got that something,
I think you'll understand,
When I feel that something,
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand.
I wanna hold your hand.
Billy Don’t be a Hero
The marching band came along Main Street
The Soldier Blues fell in behind
I looked across and there I saw Billy
Waiting to go and join the line
And with her head upon his shoulder
His young and lovely fiancé
From where I stood I saw she was crying
And through her tears I heard her say
Billy don’t be a hero
Don’t be a fool with your life
Billy don’t be a hero
Come back and make me your wife
And as they started to go
She said
Billy keep your head low
Billy don’t be hero
Come back to me
The Soldier Blues were trapped on a hillside
The battle raging all around
The Sargent cried we’ve got to hang on boys
We got to hold this piece of ground
I need a volunteer to ride up
And bring us back some extra men
Billy hand was up in a moment
Forgetting all the words she said
She said
Billy don’t be a hero
Don’t be a fool with your life
Billy don’t be a hero
Come back and make me your wife
And as they started to go
She said
Billy keep your head low
Billy don’t be hero
Come back to me
I heard his fiancé got a letter
That told how Billy died that day
The letter said that he was a hero
She should be proud he died that way
I heard she threw the letter….away
Hard Days Night
It's been a hard day's night
And I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night
I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you
I find the things that you do
Will make me feel all right
You know I work all day
To get you money to buy you things
And it's worth it just to hear you say
You're gonna give me everything
So why on earth should I moan
'cos when I get you alone
You know I'll feel okay
When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight
Yeh
It's been a hard day's night
And I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night
I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you
I find the things that you do
Will make me feel all right
So why on earth should I moan
'cos when I get you alone
You know I'll feel okay
When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight
Yeh
It's been a hard day's night
And I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night
I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you
I find the things that you do
Will make me feel all right
You know I feel alright
You know I feel alright
Help!
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way
And now these days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I've opened up the doors
Help me if you can I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please please help me?
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I've never
Done before
Help me if you can I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please please help me?
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way
And now these days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I've opened up the doors
Help me if you can I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please help me? Help me help me ooh.
I Met a Whore in the Park
Tune: When Jonny Comes Marching Home.
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
She said hey rugger, you wanna lay
Refrain:
Get in, Get out, quit fuckin' about
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe,
she said hey rugger you're way to low.
Refrain
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee,
she said hey rugger you're kiddin' me
Refrain
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh,
she said hey rugger you're way to shy
Refrain
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
she said, "hey rugger, you're getting it"
Refrain
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat,
she said hey rugger you hit the spot
Refrain
I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth,
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm...
Refrain
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box,
from havin' too many rugger's cocks
Refrain
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then,
she did me before she'll do me again
Refrain
Now these few ruggers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few ruggers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few ruggers they went to hell,
the fucked the devil his wives as well
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.
She Loves You
She loves you, yeh, yeh, yeh
She loves you, yeh, yeh, yeh
She loves you, yeh, yeh, yeh, yeh
You think you've lost your love
Well I saw her yesterday-yi-yay
It's you she's thinking of
And she told me what to say-yi-yay
She says she loves you and you know that
Can't be bad
Yes, she loves you and you know you should be glad
She said you hurt her, so she almost lost her mind
But now she says she knows you're not the hurting kind
She says she loves you and you know that can't be bad
Yes, she loves you and you know you should be glad
She loves you, yeh, yeh, yeh, she loves you, yeh, yeh, yeh
And with a love like that you know you should be glad
You know it's up to you, I think it's only fair,
Pride con hurt you too, apologize to her because
She loves you and you know that can't be bad,
Yes, she loves you and you know you should be glad oo
She loves you, yeh, yeh, yeh, she loves you, yeh, yeh, yeh
With a love like that you know you should be glad
With a love like that you know you should be glad
With a love like that you know you should be glad
Yeh yeh, yeh yeh yeh yeh
Didja’ Ever
Didja' ever
Didja' ever get
Didja' ever get one
Didja' ever get one of them
Didja' ever get one of them days, boys
Didja' ever get one of them days
When nothin' is right
from mornin' till night
Didja' ever get one of them days
Didja' ever get one of them days
Ya get up in the morning and turn the shower on
You're gettin' pneumonia, the hot hot water is gone
Freezin' sneezin'
You wanna dry your back
Didja' ever get one of them days
When there's no towel on the rack
Didja' ever
Didja' ever get
Didja' ever get one
Didja' ever get one of them
Didja' ever get one of them girls, boys
Didja' ever get one of them girls
Who's awful nice
But cold as ice
Didja' ever get one of them girls
Didja' ever get one of them girls
Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls
You're at a drive-in movie
With a cute brunette
A countin' on the kisses that you figure to get
Closer, closer, then she hollers no!
Didja' ever get one of them girls
Who just wants to watch the show
Show, show, show, show, show, show, show
Didja' ever
Didja' ever get
Didja' ever get one
Didja' ever get one of them
Didja' ever get one of them days, boys
Didja' ever get one of them days
When nothin' is right
From mornin' to night
Didja' ever get one of them days
Didja' ever get one of them days
You're on a Sunday picnic
And then it starts to pour
You run through poison ivy, scratch until you're sore
Ants come dancin', carry off the bread
Didja' ever get one of them days
When you should a-stayed in bed
Didja' ever
Didja' ever get
Didja' ever get one
Didja' ever get one of them Daaaaays
When you should a-stayed in bed
Yesterday
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh I believe in yesterday
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh yesterday came suddenly
Why she had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said something wrong now I long for yesterday
Yesterday love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh I believe in yesterday
Why she had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said something wrong now I long for yesterday
Yesterday love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh I believe in yesterday
Shoot the Boot Song
Another common rugby tradition is "shoot the boot." This is a rugby tradition that often takes place after a rugger’s first try. Traditionally, the player, to celebrate his first try score, must drink beer from the largest and dirtiest shoe on the team. In practice, you usually just get to chug a pint. This also happens if you're a soloist and you mess up the lines of the song you are singing.
When you "shoot the boot," the crowd sings these lines:
Why were you born so beautiful
Why were you born at all
You're no fucking use to anyone
You're no fucking use at all
You should be publicly pissed on,
You should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
You should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
So, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK… (chant lasts until he finishes)
American Pie
A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile. And I knew If I had my chance, that I could make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for a while. But February made me shiver with every paper I deliver. Bad news on the doorstep I couldn't take one more step. I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride. But something touched me deep inside the day the music died. So bye bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry. Them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singing "This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die."
Did you write the book of love and do you have faith in God above, if the bible tells you so. Now do you believe in rock and roll? Can music save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to dance real slow? Well I know that you're in love with him, cause I saw you dancin in the gym. You both kicked off your shoes. Man, I dig those rhythm and blues. I was a lonely teenage broncin buck with a pink carnation and a pickup truck, but I knew I was out of luck the day the music died. I started singing bye bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry. Them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singing, "This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die."
Now for ten years, we've been on our own and moss grow fat on a rolling stone, but that's not how it used to be when the jester sang for the king and queen in a coat he borrowed from James Dean in a voice that came from you and me. Oh and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown. The courtroom was adjourned. No verdict was returned. And while Lenin read a book on Marx, the quartet practiced in the park and we sang dirges in the dark the day the music died. We were singing bye bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry. Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing, "This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die."
Helter skelter in a summer swelter. The birds flew off the fallout shelter. Eight miles high and falling fast. It landed foul on the grass. The players tried for a forward pass with the jester on the sidelines in a cast. Now the halftime air was sweet perfume while sergeants played a marching tune. We all got up to dance, oh, but we never got the chance. Cause the players tried to take the field, the marching band refused to yield. Do you recall what was revealed the day the music died? We started singing bye bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry. Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing, "This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die."
Oh and there we were all in one place. A generation lost in space, with no time left to start again. So come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack Flash sat on a candle stick cause fire is the Devil's only friend. Oh and as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clenched in fists of rage. No angel born in hell could break that Satan's spell. And as the planes climbed high into the night it took like the sacrificial rite. I saw Satan laughing with delight the day the music died. He was singing bye bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry. Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing, "This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die."
I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news. But she just smiled and turned away. I went down to the sacred store where I'd heard the music years before, but the man there said the music wouldn't play. And in the streets, the children screamed, the lovers cried and the poets dreamed. But not a word was spoken. The church bells all were broken. And the three men I admire most, the father, the son and the holy ghost, they caught the last train for the coast the day the music died. And they were singing bye bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry. Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing, "This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die." They were singing bye bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry. Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing, "This will be the day that I die."
Sixteen Tons
Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man's made outta muscle and blood
Muscle and blood skin and bone
A mind that's a weak and a back that's strong
You load sixteen tons and what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me ´cause I can't go
O owe my soul to the company store
I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I took my shovel went to the mine
And loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the straw boss said:" Well, bless your soul"
You load sixteen tons and what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me ´cause I can't go
O owe my soul to the company store
I was born one mornin´ in the drizzling rain
Fightin' and trouble are my middle name
If you see me coming you better step aside
A lotta men didn't and a lotta men died
You load sixteen tons and what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me ´cause I can't go
O owe my soul to the company store
Special verse:
‘Calla’ was born one mornin´ in the drizzling rain
Fightin' and trouble are his middle name
He’s got one fist of Iron the other of Steel
And if the left don’t get yer then the right one will!
You load sixteen tons and what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me ´cause I can't go
O owe my soul to the company store
Black Velvet Band
Chorus first
Her eyes they shone like diamonds,
You'd think her the queen of the land,
And her hair hung over her shoulder,
Tied up with a black velvet band.
As I went walking down Broadway,
Not meaning to stay very long,
I met with a frolicsome Damsel,
As she came a-traipsing along.
Her eyes they shone like diamonds,
You'd think her the queen of the land,
And her hair hung over her shoulder,
Tied up with a black velvet band.
A watch she pulled out of her pocket,
And slipped it right into my hand,
On the very first day that I met her,
Bad luck to the black velvet band.
Her eyes they shone like diamonds,
You'd think her the queen of the land,
And her hair hung over her shoulder,
Tied up with a black velvet band.
Before the judge and the jury,
The next morning we both did appear,
And the gentlemen swore to the jury,
The case was proven quite clear,
Her eyes they shone like diamonds,
You'd think her the queen of the land,
And her hair hung over her shoulder,
Tied up with a black velvet band.
For seven years transportation,
Down to the Van Dieman's Land,
Far away from my friends and relations,
To follow the Black Velvet Band.
Repeat chorus…
Jonestown
(A favorite of the coach. Sung to the tune of "Downtown.")
When your down and your broke, and your religion's a joke
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
When your life's incomplete, there's only one man to meet
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
Refrain
Watch him mix the Cool aid in the vat so lethal
Listen to the anguished cries of all the dying people
Everyone dies.
The rev's the most gracious host
So, lift up your glasses, the ultimate toast
(So, lift up you glasses, the durge of the masses)
Your in Jonestown
Drink with the reverend Jim
Jonestown
Chances are mighty slim
Jonestown
People are dropping like flies.
Congressman Ryan, on a mission of spyin'
Would not drink with
Jim Jones
Such a public disgrace, they had to blow off his face
'Cause he would not drink with
Jim Jones
Refrain
First you cough and you wheeze, then you drop to your kness
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
You arrive back in the States, decomposed in your crates
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jone
Refrain
Jonestown, Jonestown (repeat in diminuendo)
Toasts
Tune: Recited
Here's to the gash that never heals,
The more you touch it the better it feels,
Rub it and tub it and scrub it like hell,
You'll never get rid of that fishy old smell.
Here's to the girl that lives on the hill,
If she won't do it her sister will.
Here's to her sister!
Here's to the breezes
That blow through the treeses
And lift the girls dresses
Way over their kneeses
And show us the creases
That twitches and squeezes
And teases and pleases,
And carries diseases,
By Jesus!
Here's to the girl that I love best,
I lover her best when she's undressed,
I fuck her sitting, standing, and lying,
And if she had wings, I'd fuck her flying.
And when she's dead and long forgotten,
I'll dig her up and fuck her rotten.
If I had a dog who could piss this stuff
(Holding up Beer)
And if I knew he could piss enough
I'd tie his head to the foot of the bed
And suck his dick till we both dropped dead.
Here's to the lady dressed in black,
Once she walks by she never looks back,
And when she kisses, oh how sweet,
She makes things stand that never had feet
Here's to me in my sober mood,
When I ramble, sit, and think.
Here's to me in my drunken mood,
When I gamble, sin, and drink.
And when my days are over,
And from this world I pass,
I hope they bury me upside down,
So the world can kiss my ass!
Times are hard,
And wages are small,
So drink more beer,
And fuck them all.
Sit on My Face
CHORUS:
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me,
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too!
I love to hear you moralize,
When I'm between your thighs,
You blow me away
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you,
I'll sit on your face and let you love me truly,
Life can be fine,
If we both sixty-nine,
If we sit on our faces,
In all kind of places,
Oh I love to oralize
With your face between my thighs,
Please sit on my face.
Sit on my face and tell me that you need me
I'll sit on your face 'cuz I'll be needing you
Yes, I'll be headed south
When you're cumming in my mouth
Please sit on my face
Sit on my face and say you'll never leave me
I'll sit on your face and never leave you blue.
Oh, for your legs,
I'll spread while you are getting head,
Please sit on my face.
Sit on my face and tell me that I'm pretty,
I'll sit on your face and never lie to you.
Just put your lips right there,
We'll both ignore the hair,
Please sit on my face,
Oh, It's hard to say I love you
When you're sitting on my face.
Sex Life of a Camel
Chorus:
Singing rump-titytity rump-titytity tity-rump
Singing rump-titytity rump-titytity
Hey Singing rump-titytity rump-titytity tity-rump
The asshole is here to stay
Verses:
Oh, the sexual life of a camel
is stranger than anyone thinks
in the height of the mating season
he tries to bugger the Sphinx
but the Sphinx's posterior orifice
is clogged by the sand of the Nile
which accounts for the hump on the camel
and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.
Through the process of syphilization
from anthropoid ape down to man
it's been generally held that the Navy
has buggered whatever it can
but in recent intensive researches
by Darwin and Hauxley and Hall
it's been proved without doubt that the hedgehog
has never been buggered at all.
We therefore believe our conclusion
is incontrovertibly shown
that relative safety on shipboard
is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone
why haven't they done it at Spithead
as they've done it at Harvard & Yale
and also at Oxford & Cambridge
by shaving the spines off its tail.
Alas my name is Cecil
I live in Lester Square
I wear a flowered waistcoat
and a rosebud in my hair
for we're all queers together
excuse us while we go upstairs (in pairs)
for we're all queers together
the asshole is here to stay.
While riding on the underground
there wasn't a seat to be had
a young man offered me his seat
so I took it in my hand.
for we're all queers together
excuse us while we go upstairs (in pairs)
for we're all queers together
the asshole is here to stay.
The sexual life of an ostrich
is stranger than that of man
in the height of the mating season
he buries his head in the sand
When along comes a male of the species
and sees that big ass in the air
does he ask if it's male or female
or doesn't he bloody well care.
T'was Christmas Eve in the Abbey
the Eunuchs all lined the stairs
watching the fair young maidens
combing their pubic hair when along came old Santa (ho ho fuck)
he echoed all through the halls
saying what do you want for Christmas
the Eunuchs all said - Give Me Balls.....
Thus starts the next song: Balls to your Partner.
Balls to Your Partner
Chorus:
Balls to your partner,
ass against the wall,
if you've never been laid on Saturday night,
you've never been laid at all.
Verses:
First lady forward, second lady back.
Third lady's finger up the fourth lady's crack.
The Queen was in the chamber, eating bread and honey,
the King was in the Chamber Maid, and she was in the money.
The vicars wife, well she was there sitting by the fire
Knitting rubber johnnies out of old India-rubber tyres.
The chinese student, he was there he couldn't get a ride
'Cause all the cunts went up and down instead from side to side.
The village butcher he was there, the cleaver in his hand,
and everytime he turned around he circumcised a man.
The village harlot she was there, she was having fits,
swinging from the chandeliers and bouncing off her tits.
Little Eric he was there, he was having fun,
swinging off the chandeliers and bouncing off his buns.
The village carpenter he was there, looking like a fool,
he brought his saw and he brought his hammer, but he forgot his tool.
The village mortician he was the, quite out of breath,
while fucking a stiff it farted and it scared him half to death.
Bobbing for apples his wife was, fun to screw around,
when the village idiot tried it, the stupid fucker drowned.
Little Eric he was there, he was only eight,
he couldn't have the women so he had to masturbate.
Willie Randle he was there, at the hot-dog stand,
a grin upon his face and a wiener in his hand.
Mrs. Randell she was there, sitting on a bed,
weaving prophylactics from a spool of rubber thread.
Four & twenty virgins came down from Inverness,
and when the ball was over, there were four & twenty less.
Four & twenty prostitutes came up from Glockamore,
and when the ball was over they were all of them double bored.
There was fucking in the hallway, fucking on the stairs,
you couldn't see the floor for the mass of pubic hairs.
There was fucking in the kitchen and fucking in the halls,
you couldn't hear the music for the clanging of the balls.
Buxom hippie she was there, she was having fits,
she didn't wear her bra and kept stepping on her tits.
The village magician he was there, up to his usual tricks,
he pulled his foreskin over his head and disappeared up his prick.
The village idiot he was there sitting on a pole,
he pulled his foreskin over his head and whistled through the hole.
The village idiot he was there leaning on the gate,
he couldn't find a lassie so he had to flatulate.
The village cripple he was there, he wasn't up to much,
he lined them up against the wall and fucked them with his crutch.
The magician's daughter she was there, doing her favorite stunt,
She'd put her head between her legs and disappear up her cunt.
Little Eric he was there, what do you think about that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hat.
The village economist he was there, pecker in his hand,
waiting for the moment when supply would meet demand.
The village prostitute she was there, lying on the floor,
Everytime she spread her legs, the suction closed the door.
The village bride she was there, explaining to the groom,
The vagina not the rectum is the entrance to the womb.
The village blacksmith he was there, a mighty man was he,
he lined the women up against the wall and fucked them three by three.
The fortune teller she was there, climbing up the walls,
he wanted a fuck but was out of luck for he had crystal balls.
A pregnant woman she was there, oh how her belly hung,
and everytime you ate her out a hand would grab your tongue.
The village smithy he was there, sitting by the fire,
doing abortions by the score with a piece of red hot wire.
There was fucking on the couches, fucking on the cots,
and lined up against the wall were rows of grinning twats.
Little Joseph he was there, the leader of the choir,
he kicked the boys in the balls to make their voices higher.
There was fucking in the fields, fucking in the oats,
We were fucking women but Bator was fucking goats.
Markie Edwards he was there, looking for some coin,
They found him in the bathroom sucking on my groin.
The village plumber he was there, feeling like a fool,
he'd come eleven leagues or more but forgot to bring his tool.
The parson's daughter she was there, the cunning little runt
with poison ivy up her ass and thistle up her cunt.
The village doctor he was there, he had his bag of tricks,
and in between the dances he was sterilizing pricks.
Little Richard he was there, his prick was all alert,
but when the night was done 'twas dangling in the dirt.
The chimney sweep he was there they had to throw him out,
for every time he passed his wind the room was filled with soot.
The village postman he was there the poor man had the pox,
he couldn't fuck the lassies so he fucked the letterbox.
And when the ball was over everyone confessed,
they all enjoyed the dancing but the fucking was the best.
S & M Man
Tune: The Candy Man
Who will run through jaggers,
Ripping up his flesh,
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess?
CHORUS::
The S&M man,
The S&M man,
The S&M man because he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good.
The hurt feel good.
Who can take a hammer,
Shove it up her twat,
Move it back and forth,
Til he finds her G-spot,
Who can take a hammer,
Wave it overhead,
And slam it on his pecker,
Til he wishes he were dead?
Who can take his bicycle,
Take away the seat,
Put his girlfriend on it,
Ride her down a bumpy street?
Who can take some sandpaper,
Gotta be 50 grit,
Rub it back and forth,
Til she has a bleeding clit?
Who can take an old wood saw,
Rusty, but still cuts,
Saw it back and forth,
Til he cuts off both his nuts?
Who can take his willy,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it back and forth,
Til he can't pee anymore?
Who can take a chainsaw,
Rev it up on high,
Shove it up her arse,
Just to hear her scream and sigh?
Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream?
Who can take a sander,
Make sure it's Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you've got a bleeding pecker?
Who can take a mallet,
Claim that he's a stud,
Smash it on his pecker,
Till it starts to ooze blood?
Who can take a young girl,
Turn the lights down low,
Flip on the video camera,
And make like Rob Lowe?
Who would use machinery,
To masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis,
And pretend it didn't hurt?
Who can take some fiberglass,
Wrap it round his pud,
Shove it up her arse,
Til she's shitting chunks of blood?
Who can take a light bulb,
Shove it up her arse,
Fuck her up the rear,
Til she's shitting chunks of glass?
Who can take just two bricks,
Take one in each hand,
Bang them on his balls,
Like the cymbals in the band?
Who wears pants with zippers,
And no underwear,
Then pulls them up and down,
And rips out his pubic hair?
Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
And hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass?
Who can take your scrotum,
Stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights,
Till it drags down to your shins?
Who can take a chainsaw,
Cut the bitch in two,
Fuck the bottom half,
And toss the other half to you?
Who can take your penis,
Feed it to a whore,
Then slam it in a door,
So you can't fuck no more?
Who would take a condom,
Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife,
'Cause she twitches when it stings?
Who can take your penis,
Tie it in a knot,
Tighter yet tighter,
Until the fucker rots?
Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he fucks her up the rear?
Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch?
Who would take your kiddies,
Out to a picnic binge,
Put them on the fire,
And watch the fuckers singe?
Who would put a kid's hand,
In a socket on the wall?
It's nice when they jerk,
Up against his balls?
Who gives children candy,
Takes them round the block,
And rips up their innards,
With the ramming of his cock?
Who can take a chainsaw,
Stick it up her hole,
Turn it round & round,
And make tuna casserole?
Who can take some clothes pegs,
Hang his girlfriend by her nipples,
Leave the bitch just hanging,
Til her tits are nearly tripled?
Who can take a Doberman,
Let him do a show,
Let him fuck your girlfriend,
While he takes a video?
Who can take a hair curler,
Turn it up on high,
Stick it in her cunt,
And listed to her fry?
Who can take his penis,
Put it in a door,
Slam it real hard,
And scream MORE MORE MORE?
Who can find some newlyweds,
Sneak into their room,
Fuck the bride in bed,
And sodomize the groom?
Who can take a glass rod,
Shove it up his prick,
Put it on the table,
And smash it with a brick?
Who can take a baby,
Throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass,
Sish-ka-bob style?
Who can take a nun,
Lean her over the pew,
Fuck her up the ass,
'Till she wishes she was a Jew?
Who can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast?
Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?
Who can take a vice clamp.
Clamp it on a tit
Squeeze the succker down
Till it pops just like a zit?
Who can take a transient
Rip out one of his eyes
Skull fuck the bastard
While he listens to his cries?
Who can take a Coke bottle
Shove it up her ass
Kidney punch the bitch
Until she's shitting blood and glass?
Who can take a cheese grater
Strap it to his arm
Fist fuck the bitch
And make vagina parmesian?
SONG ENDERS:
Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?
Who can take a pregnant woman,
Fuck her til she's dead,
Leave his dick inside her,
Til the fetus gives him head?
Who can go to the abortion clinic,
Sneak around the back,
Root around the dumpster,
And find a tasty snack?
Who can take a little girl,
Before she's on the rag,
Fuck her till she's dead,
And then toss her in a bag?
On the Ball
Chorus:
On the ball, on the ball, on the ball,
Through scrummage, three quarters and all,
By sticking together we keep on the leather
And shout as we go on the ball
Well some talk of soccer
And some talk of league,
Some mimick the huntsman's lap call,
But fighting together, we keep on the leather
And shout as we go on the ball
Chorus
Remember my lads, as we journey through life,
There's a goal to be reached by us all,
By fighting together, we keep on the leather
And shout as we go on the ball
Chorus
And shout as we go on the ball
I don't wanna join the Army
Chorus:
I don't want to join the Army
I don't want to go to War
I'd rather hang around Picadilly Underground
Living off the earnings of a high born lady
I don't want a bullet up my asshole
I don't want my buttocks shot away
I'd rather stay in England
In merry merry England
And fornicate my bloody life away.
Verses:
Monday I touched her on the ankles,
Tuesday I touched her on the knees,
On Wednesday, with success, I lifted up her dress,
Thursday morning oh how slimy
Friday I put my finger on it,
Saturday I gave it a little twitch
On Sunday after supper, I rammed my fucker up her,
And now I'm paying forty bucks a week.
Father Abraham
CHORUS:
Father Abraham had seven sons.
And seven sons had Father Abraham.
And he never laughed,
And he never cried,
All he did was go like this.
(With motions)
With a left (arm), With a left
With a right (arm), With a right
With a left (leg), With a left
With a right (leg), With a right
With a HOO (head, With a HOO
With a AAH (pelvis), With a AAH
Father Abraham (HUAH) had seven sons (HUAH)
And seven sons had Father Abraham (HUAH)
And he never laughed (HUAH)
And he never cried (HUAH)
All he did was go like this (HUAH) ?
Every Sperm is Sacred
DAD:
There are Jews in the world,
There are Buddhists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then,
There are those that follow Mohammed,
But I've never been one of them . . .
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics,
Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm . . .
You don't have to be a six-footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes
You're a Catholic the moment Dad came . . .
Because . . .
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
CHILD:
Let the heathen spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for,
Each sperm that can't be found.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighborhood.
MOM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.
MEN NEIGHBORS:
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
WOMEN NEIGHBORS:
If a sperm is wasted,
CHILDREN:
God gets quite irate.
PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred,
BRIDE & GROOM:
Every sperm is good,
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed,
CARDINALS:
In your neighborhood.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful,
Every sperm is fine,
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's,
FIRST MOURNER:
Mine!
LADY MOURNER:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!
NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs,
O'er mountain, hill, and plain,
STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.
EVERYBODY:
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is need,
In your neighborhood.
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Engineer Song
Tune: The hymn "Old Hundred" ???
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, ah-hum,
An engineer told me before he died,
I have no reason to believe he lied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum..........etc.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum..........etc.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
That she could never be satisfied,
Ah-hum..........etc.
So he built a bloody great wheel,
With two balls of brass and a prick of steel.
The balls of brass he filled with cream,
And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam.
He tied her to the leg of the bed,
Tied her hands above her head.
There she lay demanding a fuck,
He shook her hand and wished her luck.
'Round and 'round went the bloody great wheel,
In and out went the prick of steel.
Up and up went the level of steam,
Down and down went the level of cream.
'Till at last the maiden cried,
Enough, enough, I'm satisfied.
Now we come to the tragic bit,
There was no way of stopping it.
She was split from ass to tit,
And the whole fucking thing was covered in shit.
It jumped off her, it jumped on him,
And then it buggered their next of kin.
It jumped on an uptown bus,
And the mess it made caused quite a fuss.
The last time, Sir, that prick was seen
It was over in England fucking the Queen.
There is a moral to the story I tell,
If you see it coming better run like hell.
Nine months later a child was born,
With two brass balls and a bloody great horn.
The moral of this story is mighty clear.
Never fuck an engineer.
Douche Bag
Douche bag, douche bag, suck your mother’s tit,
Cock-sucker, mother-fucker, eat a bag of shit.
Renegades are the best, all others suck dick,
Ra Ra Renegades,
Ra Ra Fuck!
Department Store in Chicago
(Everyone sings words in capital letters. the underlined word are the words that change from verse to verse.)
Tune: The Bear Went Over the Mountain, very isimilar to For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.
CHORUS:
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO,
IN A OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO,
I DON’T WORK THERE ANY MORE.
A woman came in for some meat,
SOME MEAT FROM THE STORE,
Some meat she wanted,
My beef she got.
glazed doughnut she wanted. cream filled she got
rubber boots she wanted, rubbed her I did
power drill she wanted, drilled she got
shower matt she wanted, showed her I did
Black & Decker drill she wanted, decked she got
drape she wanted, rape
Beefeater Gin she wanted, eat her I did
quick service she wanted, quickly serviced she got
ground coffee she wanted, grind her I did
layer cake she wanted, laid she got
jumper she wanted, jumped she got
clog she wanted, rape her I did
liquor she wanted, lick her I did
elevator she wanted, my shaft she got
carpet she wanted, laid she got
spring she wanted, BOINGed she got
screwdriver she wanted, screwed she got
hammer she wanted, nailed she got
T-bone she wanted, my boneless round she got
carpet she wanted, shagged she got
gun she wanted, banged she got
nylons she wanted, hosed she got
floppy disk she wanted, my hard drive she got
metaphysical conversation she wanted, fucked she got
velvet she wanted, felt up she got
liquor she wanted, lick her I did
bolts she wanted, my nuts she got
sailors she wanted, semen she got
ham she wanted, porked she got
cigarette she wanted, camel, humped she got
plastic she wanted, rubbers she got
plumbing she wanted, my pipe she got
pipe she wanted, hosed she got
stockings she wanted, hosing she got
liquid Plumber she wanted, pipes cleaned she got
canned ham she wanted, porked she got
butter she wanted, spread she got
seafood she wanted, crabs she got
beer she wanted, 6-pack she got
fabric she wanted, felt she got
carpet she wanted, shag she got
nail she wanted, screw she got
fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got
beef she wanted, pork she got
helicopter she wanted, my chopper she got
camel she wanted, hump she got
translator she wanted, cunning linguist she got
KitKat she wanted, four fingers she got
pencil she wanted, penetration she got
fuck she wanted, fuck she got
Carolina (way down in Alabama)
Way down in alabama, where the bullshit lies thick
the girls are so pretty, the babies come quick
there lives carolina the queen of them all
Carolina, Carolina the cowpunchers whore
She's handy, she's bandy, she shags on the street
whenever you meet her she's always in heat
if you leave your fly open, she's after your meat
and the smell of her cunt
knocks you right of your feet
One night I was riding way down by the falls
one hand on my pistol, the other on my balls
I saw Carolina using a stick
instead of the end of a cowpuncher's prick
I caressed her, undressed her
and laid her down there
and parted the tresses of curly brown hair
inserted the prick of my sturdy horse
and there began a strange intercourse
Faster and faster went my sturdy steed
until Carolina rejoiced at the speed
then all of a sudden my horse did backfire
and shot Carolina right into the mire
Up got Carolina all covered with muck
and said: Oh dear, what a glorious fuck
did two paces forward, fell flat on the floor
and that was the end of the cowpuncher's whore.
Barnacle Bill the Sailor
Who's that knocking on my door ?
Who's that knocking on my door ?
Who's that knocking on my door ?
Cried the fair young maiden.
It's only me from over the sea
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
It's only me from over the sea
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Why do you knock on my door ?
Why do you knock on my door ?
Why do you knock on my door ?
Cried the fair young maiden.
I'm young enough and ready and tough,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'm young enough and ready and tough,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'll come down and let you in
I'll come down and let you in
I'll come down and let you in
Cried the fair young maiden.
Come open this door, I've been here before,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Come open this door, I've been here before,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
You may sleep upon the floor
You may sleep upon the floor
You may sleep upon the floor
Cried the fair young maiden.
Oh bugger the floor you dirty old whore,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Oh bugger the floor you dirty old whore,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
You may sleep upon the mat
You may sleep upon the mat
You may sleep upon the mat
Cried the fair young maiden.
Oh bugger the mat you can't fuck that,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Oh bugger the mat you can't fuck that,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
You may sleep upon the stairs
You may sleep upon the stairs
You may sleep upon the stairs
Cried the fair young maiden.
Oh bugger the stairs they haven't got hairs,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Oh bugger the stairs they haven't got hairs,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
You can sleep between my tits
You can sleep between my tits
You can sleep between my tits
Cried the fair young maiden.
Oh bugger your tits they give me the shits,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Oh bugger your tits they give me the shits,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
You can sleep between my thighs
You can sleep between my thighs
You can sleep between my thighs
Cried the fair young maiden.
Oh bugger your thighs they're covered in flies,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Oh bugger your thighs they're covered in flies,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
You can sleep within my cunt
You can sleep within my cunt
You can sleep within my cunt
Cried the fair young maiden.
Oh bugger your cunt I'll fuck for a stunt,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Oh bugger your cunt I'll fuck for a stunt,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
What if there's a baby born
What if there's a baby born
What if there's a baby born
Cried the fair young maiden.
We'll drown the bugger and fuck for another,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
We'll drown the bugger and fuck for another,
Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Alouette
Tune: same as original Alouette
Chorus ;
Alluetta, jaunté Alluetta,
Alluetta, jaunté plumerie.
1st person: How I love your stringy hair,
group : How I love your stringy hair,
1st person : Your stringy hair,
reply : Your stringy hair,
* repeat here any previous verses *
1st person : Alluette !
reply : Alluette ! Oh....
Chorus.
How I love your bloodshot eyes...
How I love your bloodshot eyes..
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes,
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your snotty nose...
How I love your snotty nose...
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your craggy teeth...
How I love your craggy teeth...
Your craggy teeth.
Your craggy teeth.
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your double chin...
How I love your double chin...
Your double chin.
Your double chin.
Your craggy teeth.
Your craggy teeth.
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your swinging tits...
How I love your swinging tits...
Your swinging tits
Your swinging tits
Your double chin.
Your double chin.
Your craggy teeth.
Your craggy teeth.
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your nebulous navel...
How I love your nebulous navel...
Your nebulous navel
Your nebulous navel
Your swinging tits
Your swinging tits
Your double chin.
Your double chin.
Your craggy teeth.
Your craggy teeth.
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your hairy arse...
How I love your hairy arse...
Your hairy arse
Your hairy arse
Your nebulous navel
Your nebulous navel
Your swinging tits
Your swinging tits
Your double chin.
Your double chin.
Your craggy teeth.
Your craggy teeth.
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your knocking knees...
How I love your knocking knees...
Your knocking knees
Your knocking knees
Your hairy arse
Your hairy arse
Your nebulous navel
Your nebulous navel
Your swinging tits
Your swinging tits
Your double chin.
Your double chin.
Your craggy teeth.
Your craggy teeth.
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your sweaty feet...
How I love your sweaty feet...
Your sweaty feet
Your sweaty feet
Your knocking knees
Your knocking knees
Your hairy arse
Your hairy arse
Your nebulous navel
Your nebulous navel
Your swinging tits
Your swinging tits
Your double chin.
Your double chin.
Your craggy teeth.
Your craggy teeth.
Your snotty nose.
Your snotty nose.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your bloodshot eyes.
Your stringy hair.
Your stringy hair.
Alluette !
Alluette ! Oh...
Chorus.
How I love your Oom Papa... song speeds up
Alcoholic's Anthem
Tune: Men of Harlech
What's the use of drinking tea,
Indulging in sobriety,
And teetotal perversity?
It's healthier to booze.
What's the use of milk and water?
These are drinks that never oughter,
Be allowed in any quarter.
Come on, lose your blues,
Mix yourself a shandy,
Drown yourself in brandy,
Sherry sweet,
Or whisky neat,
Or any kind of liquor that is handy.
There's no blinking sense in drinking,
Anything that doesn't make you stinking,
There's no happiness like sinking,
Blotto to the floor.
Put an end to all frustration,
Drinking may be your salvation,
End it all in dissipation,
Rotten to the core.
Aberrations metabolic,
Ceilings that are hyperbolic,
There are for the alcoholic,
Lying on the floor.
Vodka for the arty,
Gin to make you hearty,
Lemonade was only made,
For drinking if your mother's at the party,
Steer clear of home-made beer,
And anything that isn't labeled clear,
There is nothing else to fear,
Bottom's up, my boys.
ABORTION
Chorus:
Abortion, Abortion,
A,B,O,R,T,I,O,N
Abortion, Abortion,
A,B,O,R,T,I,O,N
Meat cleaver, coat hanger, or a long pole
The thing that works best is a can of Drano.
More verses:
SCROTUM...
It's baggy and it's scraggly and it's covered with hair
But what would you do if it wasn't there.
NOSE JOB...
It's better than a blowjob 'cause she doesn't cough
My baby loves it best when she sniffs me off.
TIT FUCK...
Northside, southside, eastside, or west
My baby loves it best when I come on her chest.
DRY HUMP...
Northside, southside, eastside, or west
My baby loves it best when I come on her dress.
BLOWJOB...
Northside, westside, eastside, or south
My baby loves it best when I come in her mouth.
SICK DICK...
All she wanted was a little kiss
But I ended up giving her syphilis.
JAR FUCK...
It's warm and it's juicy and it'll even quiver
When you can't find a girl, use a jar of chopped liver.
POOP PACK...
It's round and it's brown and it's covered with goop
My baby loves it best when I pack her poop.
BUTT FUCK...
It's brown and it's round and it's full of gas
My baby loves it best when I fuck her in the ass.
EYE FUCK...
Right eye, left eye, it's all the same
My baby loves it best when I come on the brain.
ARMPIT FUCK...
Right arm, left arm, but never her cunt
My baby doesn't use deodorant.
MOM FUCK...
I took my baby to the senior prom
I couldn't fuck her so I fucked her mom.
RED LIPS...
Life can be such a drag
When you're eating out your girl and she's on the rag.
BABY FUCK...
First you lay the baby on the bed
Then you fuck the soft spot on its head.
ASSHOLE (name of lead singer)
He's a hell of a rugger and a hell of a singer
But when he tries to fuck a woman she asks for his finger.
The 12 Hours of Rugby
Tune: 12 Gifts of Christmas
In the first hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the second hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the third hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the fourth hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the fifth hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the sixth hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Who ate my twinkies?
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the seventh hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Why are they whining?
* Who ate my twinkies?
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the eighth hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Who needs a minute?
* Why are they whining?
* Who ate my twinkies?
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the ninth hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* When do we eat?
* Who needs a minute?
* Why are they whining?
* Who ate my twinkies?
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the tenth hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Who knocked that on?
* When do we eat?
* Who needs a minute?
* Why are they whining?
* Who ate my twinkies?
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the 11th hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Where is the beer?
* Who knocked that on?
* When do we eat?
* Who needs a minute?
* Why are they whining?
* Who ate my twinkies?
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the 12th hour of rugby, my prop he asked of me:
* Why do we do this?
* Where is the beer?
* Who knocked that on?
* When do we eat?
* Who needs a minute?
* Why are they whining?
* Who ate my twinkies?
* Why did they kick?
* What is that smell?
* Why don't they tackle?
* Where are the seconds?, and
* Why is my beer mug empty?
In the final hour of rugby, my loosehead / tighthead asked of me:
* Who knocked that on?
* Why did they kick?
* Who knocked that on?
* Why did they kick?
* Who knocked that on?
* Why did they kick?
* Who knocked that on?
(...continues until leader signals)
And "Why is my beer mug empty?
Show me the Way to Go Home
Show me the way to go home,
I’m tired and I want to go to bed,
I had a little drink about an hour ago,
And its gone right to my head.
Wherever I may roam,
Through land or sea or foam,
You can always hear me
Singing this song,
Show me the way to go home.
He Jumped From 40,000 Feet
(Tune: "Battle Hymn of the Republic")
He jumped from 40,000 feet and forgot to pull the cord,
He jumped from 40,000 feet and forgot to pull the cord,
He jumped from 40,000 feet and forgot to pull the cord,
And he ain't gonna fly no more.
Chorus:
Glory, glory, what a heck of a way to die
Glory, glory, what a heck of a way to die
Glory, glory, what a heck of a way to die
And he ain't gonna fly no more.
He jumped from 40,000 feet and forgot to pull the cord,
He was last to leave the cockpit and the first to hit the ground..
He landed on the runway like a blob of strawberry jam.
And he ain't gonna fly no more.
They scraped him off the runway with a silver spoon.
They sent him home to mother in a little wooden box.
His mother didn't want him so she sent him back to us.
And he ain't gonna fly no more.
He jumped from 40,000 feet and forgot to pull the cord,
He jumped from 40,000 feet and forgot to pull the cord,
He jumped from 40,000 feet and forgot to pull the cord,
And he ain't gonna fly no more.
Chorus
The Alphabet
A is for ARSEHOLE all covered in shit, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And B is the BASTARD who revels in it,
Chorus ;
With a Roley Poley up 'em and stuff 'em
Hey Ho ! said Anthony Roley.
C is for Cunt all dripping with piss, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And D is for DRUNKARD who gives it a kiss,
Chorus
E is for EUNUCH with only one ball, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And F is for FUCKER with no balls at all,
Chorus
G is for GONORRHOEA, GOITRE & GOUT, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And H is for HARLOT that dishes it out,
Chorus
I is the Irresistible ITCH, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And J is the JERK of a dog on a bitch,
Chorus
K is the KING of the Cannibal Isle, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And L is his LOVER who plays with his piles,
Chorus
M is for MAIDENHEAD tattered and torn, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And N is the NOBLE who died on the horn,
Chorus
O is for ORIFICE open and wide, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And P is for PENIS that slips up inside, Chorus
Q is for QUAKER who shat in his hat, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And R is the RECTOR who rodgered the cat,
Chorus
S is for SHITPOT all filled to the brim, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And T is the TURD that is floating therein,
Chorus
U is for USHER at the girls school, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And V is the VIRGINS that play with his tool,
Chorus
W is a Whore who thinks FUCKINGS'S a FARCE, Hey Ho Said Roley,
And X, Y & Z you can STUFF UP your arse,
Chorus
Bang Bang Lulu
Chorus :
Bang Bang Lulu, Lulu's gone away,
Who are we gonna bang bang, when Lulu's gone away,
I took her to the pictures, we sat down in the stalls,
Every time the lights went out, she grabbed me by the .....
Chorus
She and I went fishing in a dainty little punt,
Every time I hooked a sprat, she stuffed it up her .....
Chorus
Lulu's got a rooster, Lulu's got a duck,
She put them in a bathtub to see if they would .....
Chorus
Lulu had a boyfriend, his name was Michael Hunt,
She used to like him very much, 'cos he kissed her on the .....
Chorus
Lulu had a baby, it was an awful shock,
She couldn't call it Lulu, 'cos the bastard had a .....
Chorus
Lulu had a bicycle, the seat was very blunt,
Every time she pedalled hard, it sunk into her .....
Chorus
I wish I was her chamber pot, 'twould be the height of bliss,
I'd see her lovely maidenhead, each time she took a .....
Chorus
Carolina
Way down in Alabama where the bullshit runs thick,
The girls are so pretty the babies come quick,
There lives Carolina, the girl I adore,
My hot fucking, cock sucking Mexican whore.
She's handy, she's bandy, she shags in the street,
Whenever you meet her, she's always on heat,
If you leave your flies open, she's after your meat,
And the smell of her cunt knocks you right off your feet.
One night I was riding down by the falls,
One hand on my pistol, the other on my balls,
I saw Carolina using a stick,
Instead of the end of a cow-puncher's prick.
I caressed her, undressed her and laid her down there,
And parted the tresses of curly brown hair,
Inserted the prick of my sturdy horse,
And then there began a strange intercourse.
Faster & faster went my sturdy steed,
Until Carolina rejoiced at the speed,
When all of a sudden my horse did back fire,
And shot Carolina right into the mire.
Up got Carolina all covered in muck,
And said, "Oh my dear, what a glorious fuck."
Took two paces forward, fell flat on the floor,
And that was the end of the cow-puncher's whore
Casey Jones
Casey Jones was a son of a bitch,
Drove a steam engine through a forty foot ditch,
Pissed on the whistle and shit on bell,
And he went through Chicago like a bat out of hell.
Chorus:
Casey Jones, mounted to his cabin,
Casey Jones, had his pecker in his hand,
Casey Jones, mounted to his cabin,
"Bend over ladies, I'm a railroad man."
It happened one morning about a quarter to four,
Pulled up in front of a whorehouse door,
Climbed through the window with his cock in his hand,
Said, "I'll prove I'm a railroad man."
Chorus
He lined a hundred whores up against the wall,
And he bet ten dollars he could fuck 'em all,
He fucked ninety eight and his balls turned blue,
He took a shot of whisky and fucked the other two.
Chorus
Casey Jones was a son of a bitch,
His balls were covered with the whorehouse itch,
He left that house with his pecker in his hand,
Says to the whores, "I'm a railroad man."
Chorus
Casey Jones said before he died,
There were five more things he would like to ride,
Bicycle, tricycle, automobile,
A bow legged nigger and a ferris wheel.
Chorus
They were rolling down the line about half past two,
Casey pissed in the fire and the boiler blew,
That was the end of Casey Jones's reign,
As the stinking fucker who drove a train.
Chorus
Drive It On
I gave her inches ONE and drove it on,
I gave her inches ONE and drove it on,
I gave her inches ONE, she said, "Honey, this is fun,
Put your belly close to mine and drive it on."
I gave her inches TWO and drove it on,
I gave her inches TWO and drove it on,
I gave her inches TWO, she said, "Honey, I love you,
Put your belly close to mine and drive it on."
THREE... "Honey, please fuck me !"
FOUR.... "Honey, give me more !"
FIVE.... "Honey, I'm alive !"
SIX..... "Honey, this is kicks !"
SEVEN... "Honey, this is heaven !"
EIGHT... "Honey, this is great !"
NINE.... "Honey, this is fine !"
TEN..... "Honey, come again !"
Fuck 'em All
Fuck 'em all, fuck 'em all, fuck 'em all,
The long and the short and the tall,
FUCK all the blond cunts and all the brunets,
Don't be to choosy, just fuck all you gets,
'Cause we're saying goodbye to them all,
As back to the barracks we crawl,
You'll get no erection at short-arm inspection,
So prick up you men, fuck 'em all.
Fuck 'em all, fuck 'em all, fuck 'em all,
The long and the short and the tall,
Fuck all the cunts 'til you break it in two,
You'll get no loving where you're going to,
'Cause we're saying goodbye to them all,
As back to the barracks we crawl,
So get your big prick up and give it a stick up,
Cheer up my lads, fuck 'em all.
Good Ship Venus
'Twas on the good ship Venus,
My God you should have seen us,
The figure-head was a whore in bed,
And the mast was a rampant penis.
Chorus
Frigging in the rigging,
tossing on the crossing,
Wanking on the planking,
There was fuck all else to do.
The captain's name was Slugger,
he was a dirty bugger,
He wasn't fit to shovel shit,
from one place to another.
Chorus
The first mate's name was Cooper,
By Christ he was a trooper,
He jerked and jerked until he worked,
himself into a stupor.
Chorus
The second mate's name was Andy,
His balls were long and bandy,
They filled his arse with molten brass
For coming in the brandy.
Chorus
The Bo'sun's name was Lester,
He was a fanny tester,
Through hymens thick he shoved his prick,
And left it there to fester.
Chorus
A homo was the Purser,
He couldn't have been much worser,
With all the crew he had a screw,
until they yelled, "Oh no sir!".
Chorus
The captain's randy daughter,
Was swimming in the water,
Delighted squeals revealed that eels,
Had found her sexual quarter.
Chorus
The ship's dog's name was Rover,
The whole crew did him over,
They ground and ground that faithful hound,
From Singapore to Dover.
Chorus
The end of this narration,
Came in jubilation,
For they sunk the junk in a sea of spunk,
Caused by masturbation.
Chorus
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar
The harems of Egypt are fine to behold,
The harlots the fairest of fair,
But the fairest, a Greek, was owned by a sheikh,
Named Abdul Abulbul Emir.
A travelling brothel came down from the north,
'Twas run privately for the Tsar,
Who wagered a hundred no one could out shag,
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.
A great fucking contest was set for the day,
A holiday proclaimed by the Tsar,
And the streets were all lined with harlots assigned,
To Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.
Old Abdul arrived with a snatch by his side,
His eye bore a leer of desire,
He claimed he could prong more cunts with his dong,
Than Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.
They met on the track with their pricks at the slack,
A starter's gun punctured the air,
They were both quick to rise, the crowd gasped at the size,
Of Abdul Abulbul Emir.
The cunts were all shorn and no rubbers were worn,
On the prongs of the pimp and the peer,
But the pimp's steady stoke soon left without hope,
The chance of the Abulbul Emir.
When Ivan had finished, he turned to the Greek,
And laughed as she shook with great fear,
She swallowed his pride: he buggered the bride,
Of Abdul Abulbul Emir.
So Ivan had won and he shouldered his gun,
He bent down to polish his gear,
When something red hot up his back passage shot,
'Twas Abdul Abulbul Emir.
The harlots turned green, the crowd shouted "Queen !"
They were ordered apart by the Tsar,
'Twas bloody bad luck for Abdul was stuck,
Up Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.
Now the cream of the joke when apart they were broke,
Was laughed at for years by the Tsar,
For Abdul the fool, left half his tool,
Up Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.
The fair Grecian maiden a sad vigil keeps,
With a husband whose tastes have turned queer,
She longs for the dong that once did belong,
To Abdul Abulbul Emir.
John Brown's Prick
John Brown's prick was a fucking awful sight,
Mucked about with gonorrhoea and buggered up with shite,
The agonies of syphilis kept him awake all night,
But he still went rogering along.
Chorus:
Oh the hoary old seducer
Oh the hoary old seducer
Oh the hoary old seducer
He still went rogering along
The colour of his water was a sort of orange-ade,
Little gonorrhea germs within his scrotum played,
In spite of inconveniences, he went on undismayed,
Yes he still went rogering along.
Chorus
Girls would come from miles around to his Baronial Hall,
To see his giant prick and his one remaining ball,
And see the rows of maidenheads all hung around the wall,
But he still went rogering along.
Chorus
Grandfather's Cock
My Grandfather's cock was too long for his jock,
So it dragged ninety yards on the floor,
It was bigger by far than the old man himself,
And it weighed not a pennyweight more.
With a horn on the morn of the day that he was born,
And a horn on the day that he died,
My Grandfather's cock was too long for his jock,
So it stood for his honour and pride
Knobby Hall
Oh his name was Knobby Hall, Knobby Hall,
Oh his name was Knobby Hall, Knobby Hall,
His name was Knobby Hall, and he only had one ball,
But it's better than none at all, fuck 'em all.
They say he stabbed his wife, stabbed his wife,
They say he stabbed his wife, stabbed his wife,
They say he stabbed his wife, but it wasn't with a knife,
No, it wasn't with a knife, fuck 'em all.
Oh the judge's name was Dick, name was Dick,
Oh the judge's name was Dick, name was Dick,
The judge's name was Dick, said,
"You killed her with your prick,
We shall stretch your fucking neck, fuck 'em all."
Oh the parson he come, he did come,
Oh the parson he come, he did come,
The parson he did come, with his tales of Kingdom Come,
He can shove them up his bum, fuck 'em all.
To the gallows he must go, he must go,
To the gallows he must go, he must go,
To the gallows he must go, and those buggers down below,
Think its all a bloody show, fuck 'em all.
He saw Lily in the crowd, in the crowd,
He saw Lily in the crowd, in the crowd,
He saw Lily in the crowd, and he hollered right out loud,
"Fuck you, Lily, ain't yer proud, fuck 'em all."
Well the hangman's name was Goose, name was Goose,
Well the hangman's name was Goose, name was Goose,
The hangman's name was Goose,
Had a cock so long and loose,
That he used it as a noose, fuck 'em all.
Now in heaven he does dwell, he does dwell,
Now in heaven he does dwell, he does dwell,
In heaven he does dwell, and he wasn't feeling well,
'Cause the whores are down in hell, Fuck 'EM ALL.
The Lobster
Oh Mr Fisherman back from the sea,
Have you a lobster you can sell to me ?
Chorus ;
Singing roll tidly oh, shit or bust,
Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust.
Yes sir, yes sir, I have two,
The biggest of the bastards I will sell to you.
Chorus
We hit it on the head and we hit it on the side,
We hit the fucking lobster till the bastard died.
Chorus
The moral of the story - the moral is this,
Always have a shufty before you have a piss.
Chorus
That's the end of my story, there isn't anymore,
There's an apple up my arsehole - you can have the core.
Chorus
Another end to my story, I don't give a fuck,
There's an orange up my arsehole - you can have a suck.
Chorus
Lydia Pinkham
Chorus:
We'll drink, a drink, a drink,
To Lydia Pink, a Pink, a Pink,
Saviour of the human race,
For she invented a medicinal compound,
Most efficacious in every case.
Now Mr Brown had a very small penis,
He could hardly raise a stand,
So they gave him the medicinal compound,
Now he comes in either hand.
Chorus
Now Arthur White had very small knackers,
They were just like a couple of peas,
So they gave him the medicinal compound,
Now they hang below his knees.
Chorus
Geraldine, she had no breastworks,
She could hardly fill her blouse,
So they gave her the medicinal compound,
Now they milk her with the cows.
Chorus
Billy Black lacked hair on his bollocks,
And his pecker wouldn't peck,
So they gave him the medicinal compound,
Now he can wrap it round his neck.
Chorus
No Balls At All
Come you old drunkards give ear to my tale,
This short little story will make you turn pale,
Its about a young lady, so pretty and small,
Who married a man who had no balls at all.
Chorus:
No balls at all, no balls at all,
(last line of verse)
The night of the wedding she leapt into bed,
Her breasts were a-heaving; her legs were well spread,
She reached for his penis, his penis was small,
She reached for his balls; he had no balls at all.
Chorus
Mother, Oh Mother, oh pity my luck,
I've married a man who's unable to fuck,
His tool bag is empty, his screwdriver's small,
The impotent wretch has got no nuts at all.
Chorus
Oh daughter, Oh daughter, now don't feel sad,
I had the same trouble with your dear old dad,
There's many a man who will come to the call,
Of the wife of the man with no bollocks at all.
Chorus
Now the daughter she followed her mother's advice,
And found the proceedings exceedingly nice,
An eleven pound baby was born in the Fall,
But the poor little bastard had no balls at all.
Chorus
spoken: NO TESTICLES WHATSOEVER !
O'Reilly's Daughter
Sitting in O'Reilly's bar one day,
Telling yarns of blood & slaughter,
Suddenly a thought came to my mind,
Why not fuck O'Reilly's daughter ?
Chorus :
Yippy I aye, yippy I oh,
Yippy I aye for the one eyed Reilly,_
Rub it up, stuff it up, balls and all,
Hey jig-a-jig, shag on.
I took the fair girl by the hand,
Gently swung my left leg over,
Never a word the sweet child said,
Laughed like hell till the fun was over.
Chorus
I fucked her till her tits were flat,
Filled her up with soapy water,
She won't get away with that,
If she doesn't have twins then she damn well oughta.
Chorus
I heard footsteps on the stairs,
Who could it be but the one-eyed Reilly,
Two horse pistols in his hands,
Looking for the man who fucked his daughter.
Chorus
I grabbed O'Reilly by the hair,
Shoved his head in a pail of water,
Rammed those pistols up his arse,
Damn sight further than I shagged his daughter.
Chorus.
As I go walking down the street,
People shout from every corner,
"There goes that God-damned son-of-a-bitch
Who did shag O'Reilly's daughter."
Chorus
Roll Me Over
Oh this is number one, and the fun has just begun,
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.
Chorus:
Roll me over in the clover,
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.
Oh this is number two, and my hand is on her shoe.....
Oh this is number three, and my hand is on her knee....
Oh this is number four, and we're rolling on the floor....
Oh this is number five, and the bee is in the hive....
Oh this is number six, and she said she liked my tricks....
Oh this is number seven, and we're in our seventh heaven....
Oh this is number eight, and the nurse is at the gate....
Oh this is number nine, and the twins are doing fine....
Oh this is number ten, and we're at it once again....
Oh this is number twenty, and she said that that was plenty....
Oh this is number thirty, and she said that that was dirty....
Oh this is number forty, and she said "you are naughty"....
Seven Old Ladies
Oh dear, what can the matter be ?
Seven old ladies were locked in the lavatory,
They were there from Monday t'ill Saturday,
And nobody knew they were there.
The first was the wife of the deacon of Dover,
She was known as a bit of a rover,
She went to relieve a slight pressure of water,
And nobody knew she was there.
The second old lady was old Mrs Bickle,
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle,
She hurdled the door, she'd forgotten her nickel,
And nobody knew she was there.
The third old lady was Hildegard Foyle,
She hadn't been living according to Hoyle,
Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil,
And nobody knew she was there.
The fifth old lady was Abigail Humphrey,
Who settled inside to make herself comfy,
And then she found she could not get her bum free,
And nobody knew she was there.
The sixth old lady was Emily Clancy,
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy,
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy,
And nobody knew she was there.
The seventh old lady was Elizabeth Spender,
She went there to repair a suspender,
It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender,
And nobody knew she was there.
The janitor came in the early one morning,
He opened the door without any warning,
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning,
And nobody knew they were there.
Sing A Song Of Syphilis
Sing a song of syphilis, a foreskin full of crabs,
Four and twenty blackheads, and a score or more of scabs.
And when the scabs were opened, the crabs began to sing.
And wasn't that a dirty thing to stick up Nellie's quim.
Sweet Violets
Phyllis Twat she died in the springtime,
She expired in a terrible fit,
We fulfilled her last dying wish, sir,
She was buried in six feet of .....
Chorus :
Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses,
Covered all over from arse to tit, covered all over in shit.
Phyllis Twat kept a sack in the garden,
I was curious I must admit,
One day I stuck in my finger,
And pulled it out covered in .....
Chorus
Phyllis Twat took a bag to her boyfriend's,
But the bag was old and it split,
Now the boyfriend and Phyllis have parted,
For the bag was quite packed full of .....
Chorus
I sat on a gold lavatory,
in the home of the baron of Split,
The seat was encrusted with rubies,
But as usual the bowl contained .....
Chorus
There was a professional farter,
Who could flatulate ballads and airs,
He could poop out the Moonlight Sonata,
And accompany musical chairs, singing
Chorus
One day he attempted an opera,
It was hard but the fool wouldn't quit,
With his head held aloft, he suddenly coughed,
And collapsed in a big heap of ......
Chorus
Well, now my song it has ended,
And I really must make my exit,
And if any of you feel offended,
stick your head in a bucket of .....
Chorus
Three German Officers
Three German Officers crossed the line, Parlez-vous,
Three German Officers crossed the line, Parlez-vous,
Three German Officers crossed the line,
They Fucked the women and drank the wine,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
They came upon a wayside inn, Parlez-vous,
They came upon a wayside inn, Parlez-vous,
They came upon a wayside inn,
Shat on the mat and walked right in,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
Oh landlord have you a daughter fair, Parlez-vous,
Oh landlord have you a daughter fair, Parlez-vous,
Oh landlord have you a daughter fair,
Lily-white tits and golden hair,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
At last they got her on the bed, Parlez-vous,
At last they got her on the bed, Parlez-vous,
At last they got her on the bed,
Shagged her till her cheeks were red,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
And then they took her to a shed, Parlez-vous,
And then they took her to a shed, Parlez-vous,
And then they took her to a shed,
Shagged till she was nearly dead,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
They took her down a shady lane, Parlez-vous,
They took her down a shady lane, Parlez-vous,
They took her down a shady lane,
Shagged back to life again,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
They shagged her up, they shagged her down, Parlez-vous,
They shagged her up, they shagged her down, Parlez-vous,
They shagged her up, they shagged her down,
They shagged her right around the town,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
They shagged her in, they shagged her out, Parlez-vous,
They shagged her in, they shagged her out, Parlez-vous,
They shagged her in, they shagged her out,
They shagged her up her waterspout,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
Seven months went by and all was well, Parlez-vous,
Seven months went by and all was well, Parlez-vous,
Seven months went by and all was well,
Eight months went and she started to swell,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
Nine months went, she gave a grunt, UGH ! Parlez-vous,
Nine months went, she gave a grunt, UGH ! Parlez-vous,
Nine months went, she gave a grunt, UGH !
A little white bastard popped out of her cunt,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
The little white bugger he grew and grew, Parlez-vous,
The little white bugger he grew and grew, Parlez-vous,
The little white bugger he grew and grew,
He shagged his mother and sister too,
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
The little white bugger he went to hell, Parlez-vous,
The little white bugger he went to hell, Parlez-vous,
The little white bugger he went to hell,
He shagged the devil and his wife as well.
Inky, pinky parlez-vous - o - o.
The Tinker
The Lady of the Manor was dressing for the ball,
When she espied a tinker pissing up against the wall.
Chorus :
With his bloody great kidney-wiper,
And his balls the size of three,
And a yard of dirty foreskin, hanging down below his knee.
Hanging down, swinging free, hanging down, we're all thick,
And a yard of dirty foreskin hanging down below his knee.
The lady wrote a letter, and in it she did say,
I'd rather be fucked by a tinker than his Lordship any day.
Chorus
The tinker got the letter, and when it he did read,
His balls began to fester, and his prick began to bleed.
Chorus
He mounted on his charger, and to her place did ride,
With his balls slung o'er his shoulder,
And his prick strapped to his side.
Chorus
He fucked them in the parlour, he fucked them in the hall,
The butler cried, "Gawd save us, he's come to fuck us all."
Chorus
He fucked the groom in the parlour, and the Duchess in her pew,
But then he fucked the butler and the butler's pet mole too.
Chorus
He rode off from the manor, he rode into the street,
Little drops of semen, pitter pattering at his feet.
Chorus
Some say the tinker's gone now, gone fucking down to hell,
All set to fuck the devil, and I bet he fucks him well.
Chorus
Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me,
A blow job in a pear tree
On the second day of ..........
Two sweaty gonads
Three French letters
Four inches wet
Five dripping cunts
Six shooting hard ons
Seven shrivelled testes
Eight maidens bleeding
Nine knobs a-throbbing
Ten twats a-twitching
Eleven empty scrotums
Twelve fairies fucking
What Shall We Do With A Homo Sailor ?
Chorus :
Hooray and up she rises, hooray and up she rises,
Hooray and up she rises, early in the morning.
What shall we do with a homo sailor,
What shall we do with a homo sailor,
What shall we do with a homo sailor,
Early in the morning.
Put him in bed with the captain's daughter,
Put him in bed with the captain's daughter,
Put him in bed with the captain's daughter,
Early in the morning.
Chorus
Tie him by his bollocks to the mainsail,
Tie him by his bollocks to the mainsail,
Tie him by his bollocks to the mainsail,
Early in the morning.
Chorus
Encourage him to shag a dead donkey,
Encourage him to shag a dead donkey,
Encourage him to shag a dead donkey,
Early in the morning.
Chorus
Walk the plank being buggered by his bum-boy,
Walk the plank being buggered by his bum-boy,
Walk the plank being buggered by his bum-boy,
Early in the morning.
Chorus
Shave his pubes with a rusty razor,
Shave his pubes with a rusty razor,
Shave his pubes with a rusty razor,
Early in the morning.
Chorus
Bugger him with the ship's main cannon,
Bugger him with the ship's main cannon,
Bugger him with the ship's main cannon,
Early in the morning.
Chorus
Whoredean School
We are from Whoredean, good girls are we,
We take a pride in our virginity,
We take precautions, like having abortions,
For we are from Whoredean school.
Chorus:
Up school, Up school, Up school,
Right Up School, SHIT !
La dee da, two fingers up your crutch,
La dee da, three fingers are too much. Hey !
When we go to the beach for a swim,
People remark on the size of our quim,
You can bet your bottom dollar, it's like a horse's collar,
For we are from Whoredean school. Chorus
Our Headmaster, he is a fool,
He's really got a gi-normous tool,
It's alright for tunnels, and Queen Mary's funnels,
But no good for Whoredean school.
Chorus
Our math's master, he is a fool,
He's only got a teeny weeny tool,
It's alright for keyholes, and little girlies wee holes,
But no good for Whoredean school.
Chorus
Our gym mistress, she is the best,
She teaches us to develop our chest,
We wear tight sweaters, and carry french letters,
For we are from Whoredean school.
Chorus
Our French mistress, her name is Jane,
She only likes it now and again,
And again and again, and again and again,
For we are from Whoredean school.
Chorus
At the bottom of our garden there lives a tramp,
He is a deserter from the local army camp,
We call him Hector, vagina inspector,
For we are from Whoredean school.
Chorus
Our Headmistress, you cannot beat,
She lets us go out walking the street,
We sell our titties, for threepenny bitties,
For we are from Whoredean school.
Chorus
Yo-ho
He put his hand upon her toe, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her toe, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her toe,
She said "Marine, you're mighty slow,
Get in, get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
He put his hand upon her knee, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her knee, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her knee,
She said "Marine, you're teasing me, get in,
Get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
He put his hand upon her thigh, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her thigh, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her thigh,
She said "Marine, you're mighty sly, get in,
Get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
He put his hand upon her snatch, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her snatch, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her snatch,
She said "Marine, you're up to scratch,
Get in, get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
He put his hand upon her tit, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her tit, Yoho, Yoho,
He put his hand upon her tit,
She said "Marine, squeeze it a bit, get in,
Get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
And now she is in London town, Yoho, Yoho,
And now she is in London town, Yoho, Yoho,
And now she is in London town,
She's fucking with the boys from miles around,
Get in, get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho.
And now she's in a wooden box, Yoho, Yoho,
And now she's in a wooden box, Yoho, Yoho,
And now she's in a wooden box,
She died from an overdose of pox,
Get in, get out, stop fucking about, Yoho, Yoho, Yoho.
................
................
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