Step 4 - Review of Resentments - Big Book Meeting
Step 4 - Review of Resentments
Feelings of bitter hurt or indignation that come from rightly or wrongly held feelings of being injured or offended.
|I AM RESENTFUL AT: | THE CAUSE: |AFFECTS MY: |WHAT DID I DO? |WHERE HAD I BEEN: |
|List people, institutions, or principles|We asked ourselves why we were angry. |What part of self was injured or affected?|Putting out of my mind the wrongs others|Selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and |
|with whom I am angry. |What did they do to me to cause the anger?|Was it my self-esteem, my emotional |have done, I look for my own mistakes. |frightened, inconsiderate? Which of these |
| | |security, my finances, my ambitions, my |What did I do, if anything, to set in |character defects caused me to do what I |
| | |personal relationship, sex relations that |motion trains of circumstances, which in|did, or caused me to want to hold on to |
| | |had been interfered with? |turn caused people or institutions to |the old resentment, even though I may have|
| | | |hurt me and eventually led to my |done nothing to cause it? |
| | | |resentment of them for doing so? | |
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| | |Self-esteem, pride, material security, |I refused assignments, I often missed |Selfish, self-seeking, inconsiderate |
|My boss |He wouldn’t give me a promotion. |security ambitions |work, and I argued with my boss.’ | |
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| | | |I didn’t give my wife attention when I |Inconsiderate, selfish |
| |She had an affair with my best friend. |Self-esteem, pride, emotional security, |was drinking. I wasn’t available as a | |
|My wife | |sex instinct |husband. | |
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Step 4 - Review of Fears
Feelings of anxiety, agitation, uneasiness, apprehension, impending doom, etc.
|WHO OR WHAT DO I FEAR? |WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IF THE FEAR COMES|AFFECTS MY: |WHAT DID I DO? |WHERE HAD I BEEN: |
|List people, institutions, or principles |TRUE? |Is it my self-esteem, my security, my |What did I do, if anything, to to cause |Selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and |
|with whom I am fearful. | |ambitions, my personal or sex relations |this fear in me? |frightened, inconsiderate? Which of these |
| | |that have been threatened? | |character defects caused me to do what I |
| | | | |did, or cause me to want to hold on to the|
| | | | |old fear, even though I may have done |
| | | | |nothing to cause it? |
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|Getting fired from my job. |I’ll be broke and homeless. |Self-esteem, pride, material security | |Selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate. |
| | | |I’m not a very good worker. I miss work, I| |
| | | |don’t complete assignments, and I argue | |
| | | |with the boss. | |
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|IRS |They will audit me and expect me to pay |Self-esteem, material security | |Dishonest and frightened. |
| |them back. | |I cheated on my taxes. | |
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Step 4 - Review of Our Own Sex Conduct
Wrong acts that result in pain, hurt feelings, worry, financial loss, etc. for others and also self
|WHO DID I HURT? |WHAT DID I DO? |WHAT FEELINGS DID I CREATE IN OTHERS? |WHERE WAS I AT FAULT? |WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE INSTEAD? |
| | |Did I arouse jealousy, pain, hurt, worry, |Where had I been selfish, dishonest, | |
| | |anger, suspicion, bitterness, desire to |self-seeking, frightened, or | |
| | |retaliate? |inconsiderate? | |
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| | |Jealousy, hurt feelings | |Communicated with her that I need more |
|Jean |Intentionally flirted with her best | |Selfish, inconsiderate |attention. |
| |friend. | | | |
| | |Hurt, suspicion, bitterness | |Had sex with her so I wouldn’t seek it |
|Sally |She caught me masturbating to internet | |Selfish, frightened, inconsiderate |elsewhere. |
| |porn. | | | |
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Step 4 - Review of Harms Done to Others
Wrong acts that result in pain, hurt feelings, worry, financial loss, etc. for others and also self
|WHO DID I HURT? |WHAT DID I DO? |WHAT FEELINGS DID I CREATE IN OTHERS? |WHERE WAS I AT FAULT? |WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE INSTEAD? |
| | |Did I create jealousy, anger, hurt, |Where had I been selfish, dishonest, | |
| | |suspicion, bitterness, desire to |self-seeking, frightened, or | |
| | |retaliate?) |inconsiderate? | |
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|Amanda | |Anger, suspicion | |Not stolen the money. |
| |Stole money from her purse. | |Selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate | |
|Dad | |Hurt | |Stand by my word and put my wants aside |
| |Didn’t show up for his birthday after I said I’d be | |Selfish, inconsiderate |and attend his birthday party. |
| |there. | | | |
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