Roy Lilley DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

CREATING SUCCESS

Dealing with Difficult People

? Handle aggression

? Manage conflict successfully

? Motivate poor performers

Roy Lilley

CREATING SUCCESS

Dealing with Difficult People

Third edition

Roy Lilley

London and Philadelphia

For ATR, who deals with the most difficult person I know

First published 2002 Reprinted 2002 (twice), 2003, 2004 (twice), 2005 Reissued in 2006 Reprinted 2006

Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers at the undermentioned addresses:

Kogan Page Limited 120 Pentonville Road London N1 9JN United Kingdom kogan-page.co.uk

Kogan Page US 525 South Street, #241 Philadelphia PA 19147 USA

? Roy Lilley 2002, 2006

ISBN-10 0 7494 4751 6 ISBN-13 978 0 7494 4751 9

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Lilley, Roy C. Dealing with difficult people / Roy Lilley. p. cm. -- (Creating success) Reprint. Originally published in 2002. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 0-7494-4751-6

1. Psychology, Industrial. 2. Interpersonal conflict. 3. Problem employees. I. Title. II. Series. HF5548.8.L493 2006 650.1'3--dc22

2006014888

Typeset by Jean Cussons Typesetting, Diss, Norfolk Printed and bound in Great Britain by MPG Books Ltd, Bodmin, Cornwall

Contents

About this book

vi

1. A short course in human relations

1

Difficult, who me? 2

2. A quick guide to the seven classically difficult types ?

or how to sound like an expert in the time it takes to

drink a cup of coffee

6

Recognise anyone? 6; First the diagnosis 15

3. A fast-track guide to conflict and how to handle it

23

What conflict is 23

4. Dealing with bosses who drive you barmy

25

Mr angry 26; Never let them see you sweat 27

5. Colleagues to throttle

31

Competition crazy 33; Rivals, antagonists and getting

personal 34; It's always the quiet ones 35

6. Staff to strangle

37

Independent or stubborn? 41; When the big hand gets

to twelve 42; Good bosses don't pry ? but they should

try 44; Waving or drowning 44; finding out how good

a boss you've been 48; Seriously difficult members

of staff 48

iv Contents

7. Massaging the egoist

50

If the difficulty is an egomaniac boss 50; If the

difficulty is an egoist working for you 51; The

egomaniac colleague 52; Knocking the know-all 52

8. Handling aggressive people without getting thumped

on the nose

54

If an aggressive manager is trying to dump on your

ideas 55; If you're landed with a project that will never

fly 56; If you're being stabbed in the back 56

9. Putting a bomb under the lazy ones

58

Clock-watchers, rule-bookers and not invented here 59;

If you are held back by an idle colleague 60; A boss who

loiters 60; How you eat an elephant 61; The criminally

lazy 62

10. Beating the bullies at their own game

63

The decibel dictator 64; When you can't do anything right

64; When all else fails 65; The firework colleague 66

11. Moaners, groaners and critics

68

Cold water torture 69; Try building alliances, coalitions

and connections 70; Words you don't want to hear 70;

When critics turn the gun on themselves 71

12. Perfectionists can be a pain

72

What turns on a perfectionist 73; Rules are rules 74; the

perfectionist boss 75

13. Manipulating the manipulators

76

If you're being lined up to take the blame 77; Let's do a

deal 79; If you're easily flattered 80; If you're flattered

by your staff 81

14. Shifting the stubborn

82

When the customer knows best 83

15. Morale, attitude and how was it for you?

84

If you're sick of the sick 86; Everyone having a

sickie 87; Cliques, circles and witches' covens 88

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