Catholic Bible 101



1058 Favorite PunsRay RanzauRick Perry’s computer went down, so he called Tex support.When you trim the hooves of 444 buffalo, you get 1776 bison toenails….The wicked witch fell into a vat of iron ore and said, “I’m smelting, I’m smelting.”The photos of the church statues were all taken with an icon camera…I shared my shrimp cocktail, so I wouldn’t be shellfish…Mickey Mouse’s girl friend always wears Minnie skirts…When Old McDonald joined the Army, he was known as GI GI Joe…After de-odorizing a customer’s pet skunk, the veterinarian said, “It was a dis-stinked pleasure…My new computer was a great bargain, because they threw in the operating system to boot!The workers at the chocolate factory were going on strike, but the owners prevented them from doing so. The headline in the paper said, “HERSHEY BARS PROTEST!”Ben-Hur stopped his chariot horses by saying “Whoa unto thee!”When the Texas wife told her husband to take out the trash, he said, “Chore thing!”I went clam digging, and pulled a mussel..The new wiring system used every possible safety device and backup. It had lots of eclecticity….NASA launched a wildebeest into orbit, and around the earth, a brave gnu whirled…After dying from missing the net, the circus was unable to replace the man shot out of the cannon from afar; they couldn’t find another man of his caliber.The eagle on the top of the church steeple was a bird of pray..I got canned at the orange juice factory…I just couldn’t concentrate…The movie about the Donner party was not done in good taste…The Chapstick delivery truck went over a cliff..BALMS AWAY!A good boiled egg for breakfast is hard to beat!The ratio of the circumference of an igloo to its diameter is known as Eskimo pi….Buddy Ebsen was originally selected to play the part of OB1 in Star Wars, but he would have been known as Jedi Clampett instead…I couldn’t decide whether AC or DC was best, and now my head really hertz…My wife got me a new BBQ pit, and it is the grill of my dreams..When bar hopping, beauty is definitely in the eye of the beer holder…I was beside myself when I finally met my clone…I lost my hearing aid, but my doctor said that it was ear replaceable…I told the doc that I could sew up my wound better then he did, and he said, “Well, suture self…”A termite goes into the saloon, sits down, and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”The attempted terrorist bombing of the Alcoa plant in Helsinki was foiled. Al Quaeda knew that they were Finnished…People who sell their poetry for a living are real prose!My lobotomy didn’t go well, so I really gave that doc a piece of my mind….My wife was being very cordial when she gave me the chocolate covered cherries.I finally stopped working out and joined the Fitness Protection Program..I hated the ending of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. It was a real Frodo finish…When King Arthur’s horse died on the way to the Crusades, he found alternate transportation at a used Camelot…When I found a Communist hiding in my Lenin closet, I was really seeing red…The decision to promote pork BBQ over beef was made during an add hock committee meeting…The Basques decided that the fewer enemies the better, Moor or less…So why did I pass out the other day? I haven’t the faintest idea!When the scarecrow disagreed with the cowardly lion, Dorothy thought that it was just a strawman argument…They put up lights at the golf driving range, for people who like swinging night clubs… I heard they were giving away free fish dinners at the seafood restaurant, so I went to see what the catch was….One of the reasons St. Peter decided to become an apostle was due to the fact he was having trouble living off of his net income…When Jesus exorcised the legion of demons into the swine, that was the origin of deviled ham…Radio Shack is giving away dead batteries, free of charge…Noah cursed his son Ham for seeing him unclothed, and ever since then, Jews could not eat pork…I’m off to see my shrink…Be back shortly…During the papal conclave, the Cardinals were not allowed to Tweet (chirping OK!!).The lunar astronomer was thrown in jail, for…moonshining….Single men are for contraception in every conceivable situation…The telemarketer was fired. He just had too many hang-ups…Voting for third party candidates makes America’s future moron certain…When the electrician hooked up his ohmmeter, he was met with a lot of resistance.The cost to fill up your tires with air at the service station has gone up, due to inflation…The lady renting surfboards and suntan lotion decided to add batteries to her stock. So now she sells C cells by the seashore.After accidentally swallowing a radioactive isotope, the scientist developed atomic ache, and we soon had to barium…At the research institute, the monkeys’ favorite treat is Rhesus Pieces…Custer’s favorite song was ??“Keep Away from Runaround Sioux….”??Be very careful when letting religious zealots into your house to discuss the bible. Always practice safe sects…When Cher got divorced, her husband’s attorney did a lot of pro-Bono work. Poor Sonny had to Cher all of his assets..I barely finished my trig exam, and not a secant too soon. Luckily, I passed, because I had a sine from above…In Texas, it is illegal to have a beer while doing calculus, because they don’t want you drinking and deriving…The urologist was never accepted by his peers..When he couldn’t pay his taxes, the parsley farmer had his wages garnished…It would be just like you to clone yourself…She said she didn’t get the job because of her acne, but I thought that that was a pore excuse…Doing a daily crossword puzzle is mental floss…The chiropractor was tortured, and finally he cracked under pressure…I bought both of my wives a new car, which was mighty big o’ me…Daredevils sometimes suffer grim reaper-cussions….The toilet was stolen from the police station. So far, the cops have nothing to go on…I suffer from Tom Jones Syndrome. It's not extremely common, but not exactly rare either. I guess you could say that ?? It's Not Unusual... ??Someone cut a hole in the nudist colony’s fence. The police are looking into it…The urologist accidentally drove on the runway where the planes were parked. He rectum all…The church janitor also doubled as the organist for the choir. He really had to mind his keys and pews….The rug store in Kabul was carpet bombed…Only remnants remained…At football games, trig teachers do the sine wave.The girls at the LaGrange Chicken Ranch appealed to the sheriff…The tuna are biting off the Texas coast.After leading the Israelites through the Red Sea, Moses told Aaron to lead them for a while, and he would catch up with them after taking a nap. Aaron refused, so Moses said, “Look Aaron, I before thee, except after Sea!”The new bridge is being held up by red tape.His obit read, “William Kelly, 87, was Fed Secretary.”A grandmother of 8 made a hole in one!I was going to study orbital mechanics in college, but then I realized that I would just be taking up space.I quit my gym membership. It just wasn’t working out…If you’re looking to buy the finest silk neckwear in Asia, be sure to buy it in Tie Land…The book of Numbers is where Moses finally came to his census…The referee was born in Rome, Georgia, but settled in Rome, New York. For sure, he was a wholly Roman umpire…Noah complained to God that he was not a shipbuilder, and would need help. So God sent him the Arkangels, who taught Noah how to Arkweld…Sheriff Bubba stops Billy Bob for speeding, and says, “You got any ID?“ Billy Bob says, “ ‘bout whut?”The Australian bear didn’t get picked for the new zoo, even though he was very koala-fied…After Lars Svensen was convicted in court, he hollered out to the judge, “NORWAY MAN!” He knew that this was Oslo as one could go, so he ran outside and got in his F-150 Fjord pickup, and then decided to really Berne rubber.…“Hey Chad! Kenya shake Djibouti?”There were 3 men at the house of ill repute. One was leaving, one was entering, and one was upstairs. What were their nationalities? The first one was Finnish, the second one was Russian, and the one upstairs was Himalayan…After eating too much hay, my horse stared at me balefully..Cancer doctors who wait by the phone for emergencies are known as on-callogists…The pet store owner got rid of all of his storks. He had no egrets.Oman, when I found out that Egypt me, Iran as fast as I could to return it. I felt like I was between Iraq and a hard place…When the dentist told me to open wide, I said, “Hey doc, I know the drill.”In the Soviet Union, I complained that the hotel wouldn’t accept out of town Czechs, and he laughed at me, “Well, Crimea river!” he said… He wasn’t very Prague-matic, for sure…When the wedding cake fell, many tiers came down…The farmer will be testifying in the stolen horse suit…The newcomer to Dodge hadn’t herd of the cattle stampede…The new corduroy pillowcases are making lots of headlines!When it hails in Dallas, the ice of Texas is upon you…When the nuclear scientists got married, the guests all said that her smile was glowing, and that he was positively beaming…When they exhumed Johann Sebastian Bach’s body, they found him de composing…The Saudi and the Cherokee decided to team up and bid on a government contract to repair turban injuns…The new Protestant horror movie – “SOYLENT GREEN IS PAPAL!”The jeweler and the electrician couldn’t agree on how to solve the problem. The jeweler wanted a multi-faceted approach, while the electrician wanted a two pronged approach…When the fish hit the wall, he said, “DAM!”The new Asian flu this year will make you violent as well as sick, and will be called the “Kung Flu.”When he couldn’t pay his mortgage on time, the banker told him, “No problem. Lien on me…”I thought I saw an eye doctor’s office in Fairbanks, but I guess it was just an optical Aleutian…The witch Esmerelda failed to turn her enemy into a frog; she forgot to run spell check…So a Texan goes into a European car showroom, and says, “AUDI!”When John Glenn dies, he will have a great orbituary…When the little mermaid started studying how to solve the quadratic equation, she made sure to wear her algae bra…The cowboy was fired from his ranch job, and became deranged…I instantly knew that the present was from my psychiatrist, because it was shrink wrapped…The dentist went to work for the TSA, because he was really good at cavity searches…The fat knight was known as Sir Cumference…King Henry VIII decided to start the Anglican Church because he was worried about his receding heir line..The queen angrily hollered at the duchesses to remove their husbands from the castle…She said, “Put up your dukes…”The Vatican wants all priests to put their name on the white part of their shirts. It will be the first time they have ever used collar ID…They are giving away free canaries at the pet store, no perches necessary.A Texan goes into a restaurant and orders dessert – “Give me a piece of pie, and remember the ala mode…”The pilot was getting certified in the new jet, and he flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors…Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.When I go to West Africa I'm Ghana make sure Togo to Mali and then I can say I've Benin Timbuktu.The guy who did the police sketches of suspects was suspended for becoming a con artist…When God was deciding who he was going to pick to be saved before flooding the earth, St. Michael said, “I Noah guy!”When investing in Egyptian companies, beware of pyramid schemes…When the Shah was being deposed in Iran, he told his guards, “If ayatollah you once, ayatollah you twice, get me out of here!When the smog clears in California, UCLA…The city’s no-casket plan for homeless burials met with stiff opposition.When the bride-to-be was ironing her wedding dress, she spilled her coke on it. It was soda pressing…King Henry VIII would never let his female entertainers swim for at least an hour after performing for him, because he was afraid that they would get minstrel cramps…Hanes Underwear has sued Fruit of the Loom Underwear. So far, the only thing that’s happened is that the lawyers have exchanged briefs…It’s hard to extract ivory from elephants, except in Alabama, where the Tuscaloosa…The nursery was giving away insects to help with pollination of fruit trees. They were definitely freebees….The window was broken by a BB gun, and the resultant lawsuit was settled in appellate court…When we took an inventory of prisoners, we both came up with the same number. It was a con census…I voted for pari-mutuel horse racing because I thought it would provide Texas with a stable economy, and would rein in our debt a little bit…More college aged women are turning to vegetables..The Knights of Columbus recommend more clubs for their wives…Senator Rand Paul’s filibuster just droned on and on and on…I heard they were giving away geese, so I went inside to take a gander…I fed my alpacas llama beans…The Sales Manager became much stronger after he added a lot of reps…When the new pregnant Church organist started to play “Faith of our Fathers” to a reggae beat, the priest told her to cut the unbiblical chords…The French claim that they were the first to fly an airplane was turned down in court, because it just wouldn’t be Wright…After getting angry and punching his computer with his fist, he had to call tech knuckle support…The on-line origami store folded…I went into a German bakery, and the baker said, “Gluten morgen.”When it was revealed that his real father was Samuel Colt, the orphan said, “Well I’ll be a son of a gun…”The nurse was fired from her job, for being absent without gauze…After the installation ceremony on the Nautilus, the new Navy Chaplain was arrested for in-sub-ordination.Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum teamed up with Double Bubble to be shipped by rail, at the same time. It was a real chew chew train…The cement contractor left early, and just threw in the trowel…He left off the pepperoni, so I went to the kitchen and gave him a pizza my mind….During the investigation, the Major was asked if his superior officer was honest. “Well,” he said, “I think there’s a colonel of truth in that statement.”The man who invented the cheese slicer did it for the grater good of housewives…The Ayatollahs have decided to raise chewing tobacco as a cash crop. It will be known as “The Chaw of Iran.”The new astronaut-turned-priest was very humble, and it seemed like he had no altar ego. He said the Mass with a lot of reverence, and everyone said that he definitely had the Rite Stuff…As the bride-to-be was starting to enter the Church, she looked at her husband-to-be and she thought, “Aisle altar hymn.”Some milk drinkers are turning to powder…No one knew if Matte could beat Glossy in the Kentucky Derby. So they took a gallop poll, and 50 % said Matte would start out way ahead, but not furlong. The other 50 % said that it would be a real photo finish…When Texas Governor Bush heard that Congress was going to split Texas up into 5 states, he said, “Read my lips…No…new…Texas…”Always be sure to tip your exorcist, so that you don’t get repossessed…Clark Kent gets drunk – “THE NEW ADVENTURES OF STUPORMAN….”As the sheriff was mowing his grass, he was really concerned about lawn order, mower less…I’m not a big fan of undertakers, although I could be dead wrong. They always seem to be digging up a lot of dirt on people, even though they are always the last person in the world to let you down.The new Titanic smartphone is the one to buy, because it’s always synching….The new Admiral had a fleeting thought…”Why not a 100 new ships?”After cleaning his apartment for the first time ever, the widower thought, “Boy, talk about a self-maid man!”I think he has equine encephalomyelitis, because all he wants to do is go to bed and horse around…The new cheese was very gouda…The geometry teacher told the pretty girl that she was acute one. She thought, “That isn’t right. I wonder what his angle is?”I love the Grand Canyon. It’s simply gorges…When the cowgirl got angry at the cowboy for offering to get her horse ready, she said, “I wouldn’t want to saddle you with that.” He said,”OK, I hope I didn’t stirrup any trouble.”The loneliest place in Louisiana is bayou self..At a Tulsa church, the organist pulled out a gun and shot the tenor for singing out of key. This soon became known as “The Gunfight at the OK Chorale.”What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef…The bread maker only shared his recipe on a knead to know basis.When he met his fat former wife, Bob was not very ex-sighted…..“Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!” “Well sir,” he said, “it was just ground this morning.”I was changing a flat the other day, when I got tired.After the hurricane tore down his chicken houses, the farmer had to re-coop his losses…The police put her panties in a plastic baggie and then into a secure folder, so they would remain undie filed…Brace yourself – The Invisalign package didn’t show up…On his trip to Cuba, the tourist got a text message from mom. It said, “Are you Havana good time?”When asked where the spores were for the biology class, the teacher said that he hadn’t botany…I was holding glucose in my right hand, and sucrose in my left. Man, was I ambidextrose!You may be an American in your office, but when you go to the men’s room, European!Starbucks lost their electricity, and it caused a latte problems…When Simon Legree went to the beach, he always liked to go serfing.Over a half million Italian women are seen on the pill…I didn’t finish loading up the spice rack, because I ran out of thyme…If you give the devil a free rein in your life, he will freely reign in your life.They caught the thief at the blood bank, red handed, but it was A Positive experience for him. He learned that to B Negative about getting caught would all be in vein. I certainly didn’t needle him about it later…My Doc said that my bruise was severe, but I think that he was just jumping to contusions…The FBI is investigating the fire at the post office. So far, they have found evidence of black mail…I was so stuffed after eating Thanksgiving leftovers, that I decided to quit eating cold turkey…The origami championships will be televised this year, on paper view…I hated my new battery charger. I found it to be revolting..My wife says that I always hog the covers at night, so I told her to quit making blanket statements like that…He won the race down the side of the mountain in a landslide..Sam and Ella got married, but soon died of food poisoning….Kenny Rogers was changing a flat tire, when the spare rolled off of the cliff. He sang, ?? “You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel.” ??The huge desert between Mongolia and China is a great Gobi-tween area for refugees.The invisible man was not much to look at…The new electric broom is sweeping the nation!The inventor of the bicycle was two tired to go on…Yogurt eaters become very cultured…I walked through my screen door the other day, and really strained myself.The new laser bush trimmer is cutting hedge technology…The electrician was tired of installing new outlets, but he just kept plugging away…I was changing out the tailpipe on my car the other day, and I became exhausted..Einstein came up with the theory of relativity, and it was about time…The astronaut liked to read novels for relaxation while orbiting the earth. His favorite was “Little House on the Perigee…”The cannibal thought that the clown tasted funny.David Duke combined his 3 investments into one 401KKK…The female patient came on to the X Ray Technician, but he could see right through her.I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down!Due to the sequester, Los Angeles Airport employees have become very LAX in their duties…The drunk got 9 months in the Stolen Violin Case…I read somewhere that bits of fruit would always be in orange juice, but I guess that was pulp fiction.The headline read, “Housing Plan for Elderly not Dead Yet!”I always wanted to be a Civil Engineer, so I could say that I was a Road Scholar.Sign at a cemetery gate – “Inter Here”…I always like to take the elevator with a ghost. It really lifts one’s spirit... ??“When you step on eel, with the tip of your heel, that’s a moray.”?? The advertising pamphlets are upstairs, by the circular staircase…Russian Orthodox Priests are Communionists…Charles Dickens goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, “Olive or Twist?”Old men who never vote are suffering from electile dysfunction.I managed to get a photo of a huge Alaskan bear. Talk about your Kodiak moment!Poker players who are good gardeners take care of their plants - weed 'em and reap.My dentist and my wife’s manicurist got into a fight at the mall. They were fighting tooth and nail.When Buzz Aldrin thought he saw a small blood sucking insect, Neil Armstrong hollered at him, “LUNA TICK!”If you give the devil an inch, he becomes your ruler.I came in fourth in the astronomy contest, and only won a constellation prize.He needed some B+ blood in Taiwan, but all they had was Taipei…The detective’s ghost still lingered in the hotel, and became known as the inn specter…Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecondTwo Italians were shipwrecked in WWII. A periscope pops up next to their boat, and Luigi says to Guisseppe – “Is that a U-Boat?” Guisseppe says, “No, atsa no my boat.”Dolly Parton always brought the drinks to the picnic, because she had an ice chest.Robin Hood almost killed the sheriff of Nottingham…Talk about an arrow escape!The llamas were so far away, I told my wife, “Alpaca suitcase.”Rocky Balboa joined the Navy, and did Yo man’s work…When Abraham was told to sacrifice his son Isaac, he thought that this would be a bad heir day…As Elvira got older, she had to re-vamp her outfit…The housewife wanted a new vacuum cleaner, but she didn’t think it would be-Hoover to spend so much money.The cosmetologist failed her final exam, and had to take a make-up test.The General urged his troops to increase the shelling – “C’mon boys, the mortar merrier!”The stripper quit her job, because she didn’t like being so a-peeling…No one ever took the old adobe trail anymore, as it was the road less graveled..The theatrical production of “Merriam Webster” was really just a play on words.I wasn’t going to get serious with my new girlfriend Simile. I just metaphor coffee…The upholsterer who fell into the fabric covering machine is fully recovered, or sew it seams…When the Irish bride-to-be found out that her engagement ring was only a cubic zirconia, she told her fiancé to keep his sham rock.The Sumo wrestler’s funeral was a huge undertaking…When I accidentally drove into the median, my girlfriend said that I was just an average driver. That was such a mean comment…She must have been in a bad mode…She kept trying to steal my cheese, so I hollered out, “Leave my provolone!”When the plum tree fruit turns brown, you know it’s time to prune.I was going to clone my brain, but then I realized that I was getting ahead of myself.One of the useful cell phone features at the beach is call wading…Brushing up on scripture three times daily prevents truth decay.I couldn’t find a partner to sing with, so I had to duet all myself…Marriage – A matter of wife and debt…He had water on the brain, so the doctor gave him a tap on the head…Will the new D-RAM chip make current computers out of date? OBSOLUTELY!Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings too!The Feds were going to build a new prison in Nome, but first, they wanted to consider all of the frozen cons..Someone who drinks too much beer at night will wake up the next morning, a sadder Budweiser man….Atheists are horrible at exponential equations, because they don’t believe in higher powers…I decide which beer to drink, on a case by case basis…The purpose of the ironing board in families is decreasing….NASCAR drivers like to write their autobiographies…Show me a wandering Pope, and I’ll show you a roamin’ Catholic…Martians look at the world through rose-colored gasses.The talk tonight on 2” x 4”s will be given by a board member.The ogre made the children pay whenever they used his troll road.Esau and Jacob were once wombmates…The lost dalmation was spotted in the next neighborhood.After buying wood chips from the nursery, the owner told his customer – “Thank you very mulch.”When the Alaskan bears attacked, it was truly a grizzly scene…Patty O’Brien regained his eyesight! Ah, the luck of the iris…The Playboy bunny decided not to pose nude after all. Talk about a clothes call!The carrot stick was worried that the celery was stalking her…Foghorn Leghorn developed a phobia called the fear of frying….A Mexican hog that asks a lot of questions is called “?Por que? Pig.”Julie Andrews bought a cotton processing plant in Germany and turned it into a kennel. One morning she went out and sang, ??“The mills are alive, with the hounds of Munich.”??When the researcher retired at the North Pole, they all sang, ??“Freeze a jolly good fellow…”??Specimen: An Italian astronaut….He refused to tell anyone that he swallowed some super glue. His lips were sealed.Catholic Marriage- “From Here to Maternity!”The female worker fell into the dough vat at the fried chicken place. She is now in a home for battered women…3M is merging with Campbell Soup. The company will be known as MMM Good…When the cute Chinese bears started mating, it was panda monium!The crosseyed teacher was fired, because she couldn’t control her pupils.The cab driver couldn’t get a second job, because of his Checkered past. His old boss even said that he was Yellow…I thought today was Pearl Harbor Day, because I noticed a little Nip in the air.Innuendo: An Italian suppositoryThe Old Woman who lived in a shoe didn’t own it free and clear. There were strings attached…When asked if St. Paul ever made coffee, Timothy said, “He Brews…”The talk tonight on repairing Lazy Boys will be given by our Chair man.I hate shopping centers. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.The politicians in DC will all be starring in a new movie called “The Lyin’ King.”The former PM of Israel, Menachim Begin, once gave an early morning talk at Texas A&M. The headline in the student newspaper read, “BEGIN AND AGS FOR BREAKFAST.”Three rednecks went to a Christmas costume party dressed as firemen. When asked why, one of them said, “We are the 3 Wisemen, and we’ve come from aFAR…”Porcine eye problems due to not cleaning the pen are known as pig styes… He saw the storm clouds gathering, but he didn’t think it was anything cirrus….When Isaac hauled the wood up the mountain so Abraham could sacrifice him, it was the first time anyone ever heard of Moriah carry….As the Japanese tourists were leaving Jerusalem, one said, “This place sure has a Zion aura about it….”The new pro-life movie will be called “Fetal Attraction.”As he was driving on an Adobe road on the Plains, the Indian had reservations about Apache had installed on his computer. “If this fails, I will be up a Creek without a paddle, and I could get Siouxed. I hope I don’t have to eat Crow,” he said…. When the Germans first immigrated to the Texas Hill Country, one of them said, “See der trees!”After starting a new hive, bees always have a house swarming party…The whole left side of his car was totaled. It’s all right now…Police were called to a day care academy, where a 3 year old was resisting a rest…Looking for a matching paddle for my boat at the store was a huge oar deal…Tonight’s lecture on fixing broken bike wheels will be given by our spokesman…Randy Travis’s bull was let loose in a pasture with 30 young cows, and he sang, ?? “For heifer and heifer, amen.” ??There were three rules for the real estate agent turned prophet – “Locution, Locution, Locution….”She just couldn’t Handel the high notes in “Messiah.”She wanted me not to accelerate so fast, but this time I really had to put my foot down….New computers will allow you to eat breakfast while surfing the net. You just download it via the cereal port….The peasants wanted to revolt, but they figured that resistance was feudal….“Where did Anastasia go?” “I don't know. She must be Romanov somewhere.”The Sgt. who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran….Can Napoleon return to his place of birth? Of Corsican….It took 48 hours for Sir Galahad to come to, after getting knocked off of his horse. It was a real case of knight undaze….When arrested, mimes always have the right to remain silent….During WWI, the General decided that trench warfare would be a last-ditch effort…Even though she quit making whiskey, I loved her still…The cannibal showed up late for supper, and was given the cold shoulder….The admiral decided to drop the charges against the U-Boat…When the tracker spotted the huge panther footprints, it gave him paws for concern…The Junior NCO’s wrist always hurt when going through the Holland Tunnel. He decided it was Corporal Tunnel Syndrome….When John Travolta got drunk on the set, he was known as the Bourbon Cowboy…In the movie, “The Birds,” the crows were the caws of death….The tough judge was a man of many convictions….Wilbur always thought that Mr. Ed was a real neigh sayer…Van Helsing knew that there was a lot at stake when killing Dracula…When the stolen flash drive was recovered, it really took a byte out of crime…Cows do not mate with bulls when they are in a bad moooooed…The female dog had 12 pups, and was arrested for littering…Said one castrated ram to the other – “There will never be another ewe.”When Bob Hope met Jayne Mansfield, he sang, ??“Thanks for the mammaries…”??Saigon fell to the Commies because the South Vietnamese army wasn’t Thieu good…People who jump off the Eiffel Tower are in Seine…At the NAACP, Jesse Jackson wanted a desk chair that turned completely around. He said, “I demand my swivel rights!”Couch potatoes are more inclined to get prostrate cancer.When asked if he wanted his shiny, sparkly cowboy belt, the Japanese cowboy said, "Yes, bling it to me..."It takes a lot of guts to operate on intestines…Jack the Ripper’s victims just couldn’t take a choke…Beer nuts are $1.50. Deer nuts are under a buck…I was able to cultivate a good relationship with the female farmer, even though our conversations seldom plowed new ground. We were able to combine a lot of our thoughts, in hopes that I could a tractor and reap some benefits, to make our love grow. I was sow in love, but hay, it’s worth a try…Marijuana smokers are usually grassy-eyed…By refusing to inject herself with the illegal drug, she became a real heroine…Citizens in the capital of France are known as Paris-ites..Pessimism never works in eye surgery. One has to be a real optometrist to succeed…The Catholic radio station is the station of the cross…When the invisible man came to see the doctor without an appointment, the doctor told him that he couldn’t see him now…When the little boy fell off of his bike all of the time, his mom decided to get TrikeCare insurance….Mexican exorcists use a Cruz Missal to expel demons….The American Atheist Society is a non-prophet organization…The zoo wanted to know if the next pachyderm was Asian or African. But they decided that it was ear elephant….It took too much concentration to snap a photo of the King and Queen. I shutter to think what happened next…I quit my job balancing tires….I was just spinning my wheels…Her bread wasn’t rising enough, so I helped her out. It was the yeast that I could do..Tom Dooley’s execution was delayed…No noose is good noose!The fight over who got which part of the farm soon became the grounds for divorce…After receiving his vehicles for war, Patton told Bradley, “Many tanks!”Mr. Ed couldn’t talk. He was just too hoarse…The megachurch preacher retired to a much smaller church, and was soon put out to pastor…How do you know when you are drowning in a vat of milk? When it’s pasteurize…The coffin salesman asked the funeral parlor director if he would like to go out for a bier…Ali Baba always enjoyed his sheik thrills…The Navy cot salesman always gave the Admiral a wide berth…Alcoholics Anonymous just expanded into Mongolia with their 12 steppe program…A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One says to the other, “Do you smell a fish?”Henny Youngman’s epitaph – “Now you take my life, please.”“Say, I got a new car for my wife the other day!” “Really? I wish I could make a trade like that!”When you sign a contract with the devil, there is no escape claws…When I visited Panama last December, I thought, ??“It’s beginning to look a lot like isthmus!”??The Miami Dolphin QB threw the game, on porpoise.Miss Piggy was really sad when Kermit finally croaked…When he left her standing at the altar, the yonng woman started to sob, with unbridaled passion…President Obama and Hillary Clinton will be appearing in the remake of an old TV show, “The New Adventures of Benghazi and Harriet..”When the German car wrapped itself around the oak tree during the wreck, we knew for sure that the Mercedes Benz.After getting both his ankles crushed in a car accident, he wanted to sue, but the court said that he didn’t have a leg to stand on…After her fiancé got his wooden leg, she decided to break it off…Orthopedic surgeons sometimes find themselves in a very humerus situation…I’m worried about my dentist. He always looks down in the mouth…There aren’t any psychiatrists in the Sahara, because there are nomad people there…She could only compose music in 3/4 time. She had an advanced case of Waltz Timer's disease.When the movie star noticed her first gray hairs, she thought that she would just dye…When deciding to become a urologist, urethra got it, or you don’t…They disbarred the optometrist from practice, as he was cutting way too many corneas…Sometimes dermatologists make rash statements…The Friar in charge of upgrading the monastery’s computers was known as the chip monk…My hair quit standing on end, and I’m ex-static about it!People who don’t laugh at puns have irony poor blood..Vanna White is going to quit her job on Wheel of Fortune. She is suffering from irritable vowel syndrome…When women banned their bras in the 1960’s, it was a huge flop…I went to see my guru, but he wasn’t ohmmmmmm…Getting a lobotomy is a no-brainer!Smokeless tobacco users believe in the right to chews…He was afraid to go into cardiac surgery, but afterwards, he had a real change of heart…The new silver dollar was just mint to be, I guess…The drug dealers are adding sugar to their marijuana, because they wanted to sweeten the pot…The new ugly auctioneer looked forbidding…In order to determine what size light bulb you need, you have to go through a process of illumination…“Nice wig! What did you have toupee for it?”Investing in stereos is a sound investment…I’m very excited to see how the new reversible jackets turn out..The perfume section at the mall had too much of a selection, which defies common scents…Sign at a liquor store – “We De-liver…”After working with the yeast and molds, the biologist was a real fungi at parties…After the shootout at the Gap, there were many casual tees…Sign at a closed music store – “Bach in a minuet…”The guy who designed the jukebox won the Wurlitzer prize…When the fundamentalist preacher destroyed thousands of heavy metal albums, many records were broken…Lassie ate a spoiled canteloupe, and soon became melon collie…When asked which mine I wanted to own, silver or gold, I said, “Either/Ore.”When the pirate Jack Sparrow cracks a funny joke, he is known as the Bluebeard of Happiness…After hitting the sand trap, the golfer was really teed off…There was a German and a Mexican on board the ISS, because I heard the Capcom say “Take if off Otto and put it on Manuel…”The Mercury Astronauts said that they enjoyed the atmosphere while working with Mission Control…The nuclear scientist left for the day, and left a sign on the door – “GONE FISSION.”The valence electron told the nucleus, “I’ve got my ion you!”The table of elements is updated, periodically…Sign in a urologist’s office – “Know thine enema…”Sitting Bull’s war strategy sessions were in tents….During WWI, the first and second waves of attack were not working. The third wave had not yet come into the Theater of Operations, which prompted the General to lament, ??“It’s a long way, to tertiary…”??I told my secretary to call me ASAP, so she said, “OK, you’re a sap…”Suppositories really crack me up…When Intel’s stock crashed, their president thanked the remaining investors by saying, “I knew I could always count on you when the chips are down.”Building the new cemetery was a grave undertaking, but it soon was so successful that people were dying to get in there. Some even bought a lay-away plan…The professor discovered a strange green moss on the rock, but he didn’t know what to lichen it to…My puppy got its tail chopped off, so I took him to a retail store…The termites found the wooden storage units to be very palletable…My wife loved to make pottery, but to me, it was just kiln time…Robin Hood remained single all of his life. He just wasn’t the Marian kind…Women find men very engaging when they propose to them..The first question asked in Indiana adoption agencies is “Hoosier daddy?”The banker was fired, as he had lost interest in his job…The desert mesa was awe inspiring. I thought it was a real butte…The sidewalks in Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones..Credit card interest mounts up in such accrual way..The evangelist turned barber put up a sign – “Are you shaved?”Flashy dressers in the state capital of Texas are very Austintatious…Santa’s elves are known as subordinate clauses...It took a long time to bounce back after his bungee cord accident…It is good to meditate, every now and zen…The new pharmacist soon became a piller of the community..The weatherman said that there would be sparse rain this year, but I drought it…Using Rogaine is a hair raising experience!Stalin is buried in a Communist plot…One night I dreamed that I was at the South Pole, and the next night I was at the North Pole. My doc says that I’m bi-polar…The giant calamaris came on shore and Octopied Wall Street!Errol Flynn always won his sword fights in the movies, touché the least…Computer repairmen work on a cache only basis…He thought his oak tree died during the winter, but it came back in the spring. Boy, was he releaved.The manual on different oil viscosities was a real work of friction.The display stands kept disappearing…Oh well, easel come, easel go!In Mexico, the old folks’ home for men has lots of se?or citizens!Sea World got their killer whales to make their mating sounds for the crowd. It was a real orcas-tra..The December 2012 end of the world calendar prophecy was a fake, because a good Mayan is hard to find…What Do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroid's.Catholics go to Mass every Son Dei!Amoebas never have sex, because they always get splitting headaches…When questioned where he learned that the bridle had its bit missing, the cowboy said that he got it right from the horse’s mouth…The Native American went to work for Lipton, but couldn’t digest the orange pekoe flavor. He soon drowned in his tea pee….As he was putting up his cabinet to store all of his books, he decided that he better run his shelf-inspection checklist…As the Candy Striper female volunteers in their light-rose colored striped uniforms asked the old man in the hospital what he would like to drink, he said, “I just love pink women aid!”The brakes failed on the car, because the small gear didn’t mesh properly with the rack, which is a real difference of a pinion…The hog lost its voice, and became very disgruntled…When asked if the orchestra could accommodate his huge bass violin, the leader said, “Sure, there’s always room for cello…”??Hello mullah, hello fatwah, here I am at, Camp Ramallah. They are saying, allah akhbar, but I’m too busy eating at the snackbar.” ??When it comes to the Viet Nam war, it’s best to let Saigon be bygones….A criminal’s best asset is his own lie ability!Exorcists know how to raze hell!With Muslim terrorists, it’s allah nothing…When asked how a monk who took a vow of poverty could be flying first class, Fr. Francis replied that he was on the Frequent Friar Program…Beethoven’s favorite fruit was a ?? BA NA NAHHHHH…??The buxom blonde cop who taught us how to use the taser was simply stunning!When Marcel Marceaux was pulled over for speeding, he said, “Mime mistake.”Peter Pan tried to take up boxing once, but his punches seemed to never land….When they announced the lottery winner, the acupuncturist was on pins and needles…The patron saint of people who go broke suddenly is St. Nickel-less…My new theory on inertia seems to be gaining a lot of momentum…The German movie about making hot dogs was an Oscar weiner!The new park had a relief map, which included the location of all of the restrooms…The Roman Senate only met once a week, because that was enough forum..Double negatives are always a no-no…He didn’t want to try out for the role of Scrooge in “A Christmas Carol,” because it scared the dickens out of him.He was arrested after his therapist suggested that he take something for his kleptomania…The cartoonist was found dead in bed. So far, the details are sketchy…When my flashlight battery died, I was de lighted…“Marriage” can either be a single word, or a very long sentence…Some veggie farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers, endive into bed.People who are laid back are inclined to do so…She was fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun…The new James Bond movie takes place in the Antarctic – “007, License to Krill.”The contractor who filled in the canal around the castle was soon de moated….When the optical donor bank couldn’t find the right colored pupils for the patient, they decided to re-organ-eyes…..The instructor on rack torturing taut her victims a lot.After Adam and Eve were thrown out, the angel made sure they couldn’t get back in. This became known as the guardin’ of Eden…I thought she looked familiar at the Vegetarians’ Convention, but it turned out I never met herbivore…Moving to Seoul was a great Korea move for the officer..The guru on the mountaintop really peaked my interest…I thought a long time what to get my wife for her birthday. I’m glad I had the presents of mind to do so…When the inventor of the dry erase board demonstrated it to his investors, they said, “That’s re-markable!” When Crystal Gale decided that she wanted to have blue eyes, she ate some doughnuts, because ??“doughnuts make your brown eyes blue…”??Country singers in Nashville compose their lyrics at the Rhymin’ Auditorium!Heinrich Himmler’s plumber didn’t seal all of the cracks properly during his bathroom remodeling, so he ordered him back to finish the job. When he refused to come back because it was Sunday, Heinrich said, “We hof ways of making you caulk…”Many changes are in store for mothers of triplets…Indians who make arrowheads have a lot of good points…Naval officers who have “honey-do” lists are always on chore leave…The opening night play about Nikita Kruschev was quite a Premier!When he stole my mynah bird, I told him that toucan play at this game…When accused of being a prostitute, she said that she wouldn’t take that lying down…Al Gore had a complete meltdown when confronted with global warming deniers…After being treated for chronic pain for 2 straight months, Wyatt Earp decided that he had had enough of seeing his physician for a while, and he decided to stay home and take a doc holiday …The cannibal had a wife and ate kids…Did Juneau that you cannot drive to the capital of Alaska from the mainland?When the designer of the atom bomb went on vacation to the Pacific island beach and didn’t see any women in skimpy bathing suits, he decided that he didn’t like the Bikini Atoll…Attack airplanes built in India have great Bombay doors…Irish entrepeneurs are usually rich, because they are always Dublin their money…Amelia Earhart was sure that her trip around the world would propeller to fame and riches…The young pregnant girl caught a cold, and her doctor told her that she should have gotten better pre-nasal care….Did she hit a lot of golf balls into the adjacent forest? Off course she did!People who live in polluted factory towns need to go on the low hydrocarbon diet…They were discussing closing down Ft. Sam Houston on Facebook, but the SECDEF said that he liked that post…When the 3 Beatles finally met John Lennon’s new girlfriend, they exclaimed, “O NO!”David Duke’s favorite Christmas song is “Anglos We Have Heard On High.”Godzilla finally got tired of knocking down skyscrapers in Tokyo. He decided to just bite the tops off of them, because he had developed a suite tooth…The glider pilot always got mad when there was other air traffic over his big field. It was a real soar spot with him…When I caught a cold on Saturday, I knew that tomorrow would be a day of Allerest…Sometimes trig teachers will cosine for a loan…Foghorn Leghorn was shocked when he found out that he was on Colonel Sander’s bucket list…The movie “The Hobbit” was a frodotype of the “Lord of the Rings.”The maid at the low cost German inn for youth quit her job, because she didn’t like being in a hostel working environment…Knott’s Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women will merge and become known as Knott Now…The Italiano in the California Wine District was-a nowhere to be a-founda, because he was-a takin’ a napa…Sign in front of Harry Truman’s home in Independence, Missouri – “THE BUS STOPS HERE!”Italian drug companies like to pharma out a lot of their work…There was hardly any ventilation in the bathroom for the painters. They became fuming mad…Japanese optometrists like to drive around Tokyo in their brand new Cataracts…They quit looking for the missing Union President when they found his blood on a package of Wonder bread, because Hoffa loaf is better than none…Communists with 4 year degrees in Russia are known as Stalin grads…I couldn’t hear her singing at church. I guess she was singing solo no one could hear her …Every break period at Nestle’s is Crunch time!It’s good to pray often, because God is our soul support…In my dreams, she had on a purple dress, but it could have just been a pigment of my imagination!“Did you know that she makes great Italian desserts?” “No, I canoli imagine!”When she thought she saw an alligator in the pond, I said, “No way. What a croc!”Space predators prefer to eat asteroids, because they are much meteor than comets.2000 pounds of Chinese Soup is won ton…When asked how his day went, every day the well driller would say, “BORING.”Chubby Checker’s overnight stardom was a real Twist of fate…German bird watchers who drive on the freeway belong to the Autobahn Society.The kidnapped chemist hasn’t benzene for quite some time..Bounty Towels is coming out with its new “Rapture” brand towel – “It’s the quicker picker upper…”One of the disciples totally missed Jesus rising up into heaven, because he suffered from Ascension Deficit Disorder…E-coli is the on-line version of coli…The burglar with a lisp was very successful at at stealing women's handbags in Australia, and he soon became known as the Perth Thnatcher....Black soldiers like to be stationed in South Korea because of the great Seoul food…Henry VIII didn’t tudor his daughter Mary on how to be a good protestant…The AF sergeant tried arguing his way out of a ticket with the local city’s traffic cop, but he was way off base…The German poet stopped being popular when his poetry took a turn for the verse…Aggies who are 1/1000 as excited as regular Aggies say, “Meg ‘em, Aggies.”Welfare recipients will be the subject of a new reality TV show, “American Idle.”When Nicholas was born in Russia, his mom said, “A tsar is born!”The boss asked me if I would join him for lunch, so I said, “Why, are you coming apart?”He finally made the king laugh with his juggling. It was a great court gesture.The Boston Hockey team went bankrupt. This had been bruin for quite some time…Kermit the Frog went to work at McDonalds, and always asked his drive thru customers, “Would you like some flies to go with that?”Fairchild is merging with Honeywell. The new company will be called Fairwell Honeychild…The fisherman was always angling for a better catch…NASA sent a fish into space, the first time ever that they had sent up a flight sturgeon…Canonized saints are an example of virtue reality…Lesbian: A near Miss…Some Christians are so worried about “Left Behind.” Shouldn’t they be just as worried about their right behind?The Republicans think that Obamacare is hellth care…Small babies are delivered by the stork. Large babies need a crane….Irish daddies who carry their sons around deserve a little Pat on the back…The lumberjack was unable to log on…The preacher was very careful to say what he meant, and to mean what he said, so that no one would be parson his words…Back in the 1960s, Larry Hagman really liked to study Jeannie – ology…Imagine whirled peas and universal hominy!The MASH surgeon kept on taking shell fragments out of the soldier’s gut, even though he was very tired. Thank goodness he had lots of intestinal fortitude…The girl standing in the middle of the tennis court was Annette…Atilla was going off to rape and pillage Europe. His wife said, “Be careful Hun…”Rams like to check out the babes on Ewe Tube….The executioner gave the king a heads up on who was next to be guillotined…Jews in Hawaii on Pearl Harbor Day read from their Torah, Torah, Torah…I took a video of my kids putting caramel on apples last Halloween, and I said, “Smile, You’re On Candied Camera!”Heretics in Texas lead their followers along the schism trail…I’m going crazy because I can’t find my Clorets. I think I’m becoming deminted…The roofing contractor was very happy with his shingle lifestyle…The lady on the late night infomercial advertising the bowl-shaped strainer retired, so the company had to find another colander girl…When asked if the baseball grounds crew had done everything possible to keep the infield dry, the manager said that they had covered all the bases….I finally sold off all of my silver, and boy, was it a lode off of my mine…Van Helsing to Dracula – “Have some wine.” Dracula to Van Helsing – “I never drink wine.” Van Helsing to Dracula – “Wine not?”When told that they needed to build a bigger church, the archbishop said, “Parish the thought!”So if the Cardinal from Houston ever becomes Pope, all of his infallible declarations will be “Tex Cathedra.”If North Korea launches a nuclear strike, it will be the start of Kim warfare….The sheep owner was very angry after getting such a small amount of wool off of his sheep. It was shear madness….Notice in a church bulletin – “Praise the Lord in Song. In Choir within!”Doris Day once went fossil digging…Talk about your sedimental journey!Was Caesar killed on March 15th? Ides say so!Men who drink too much beer soon get waisted…The British POWs cut up onions while building the Jap’s bridge, because they wanted to see the Bridge over The River Kwai…The Boss reamed me a new one for ordering so much copier paper…When the Cartwrights learned that their TV Western show was cancelled, they sang, ??"Yes, we have no Bonanza, we have no Bonanza today..." ??He nose the ol' factory smells!The poor retired Marine just couldn’t keep a job. He once got a job as a cameraman on “Let’s Make a Deal,” but he got fired. Then he got a job at a shoe store that specialized in extra wide footwear, but that didn’t work out either. So it can be said that he tried everything from the zooms of Monty Hall to the chores of Triple E….The lumberjack’s chainsaw slipped while he was drinking milk, and he soon became lacked toes intolerant…“Did you find the abominable snowman?” “No sir, not yeti…”Colonel Nathan Jessup’s aide threw up after drinking a smoothie, and he said, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE FRUIT.”The 400 pound man was disappointed when his wife gave him an apple pie for Father’s Day, because it ruined his diet. He said, “I thought you would never dessert me…”The doctor cured my cold, but boy, I had to pay through the nose…I had to fire the workers varnishing my wood floor…They just couldn’t hold their lacquer….The astronaut lost his wi-fi connection after take-off. In fact, it went from 4G to Zero G….She thought her new hairdo would last a long time, because her hairdresser said that it was a permanent…Neil Armstong felt sorry that Buzz Aldrin wasn’t going to be the first man on the moon, and so he apollogized to him….When the Admiral heard that he had a leak in the front of his ship, he got a very stern look on his face…Rosemary asked her grandfather if her stupid brother would ever be smart. Grandfather said, “I think he will be ??partially sage, Rosemary, in time…??”While attending his first Latin Mass, the parishioner became incensed….The Navy Ensign could never get a tight fitting hat, because he was afraid of being cap sized.The astronaut from Prague was always running his Czech list….In Hungary, the Muslim was arrested for making fun of the fat idol in front of a rival temple. The police said that he was being a real Buddha pest….He who humbles himself shall be exhausted….When his wife told him to take out the garbage, he thought it would be silly to ….refuse….Although he knew the Sgt. didn’t deserve the Purple Heart, the Colonel decided not to medal in his affairs…The Olympic high jump champ from Warsaw kept his gold medal in a Pole vault….When the actor who played Dracula drank too much ale, he sooned developed a beer Bela…I tried to make a dent in my credit card bill, but I couldn’t budge it…..The aircraft maintenance tech was arguing with his boss. He said the plane crash was due to an aieleron failing, while the boss said that it was a slat. The other workers gathered around to see what the flap was all about….When it comes to neutering dogs, it’s always best to call a spayed a spayed…The method of using electrical current to produce one watt of power for one second was a sparkling joule of a discovery…Marine military working dogs are known as “semper Fido.”The Jewish jogger decided to run through the monastery to get a little cross training…Chopping down the cottonwood trees wasn’t a very poplar thing to do…There wasn’t enough room for the 18 wheeler to get to the dock, but luckily, the driver had a backup plan…Hmmm…Where to buy an animated greeting for my wife’s birthday? I know, at the gif shop…After seeing all of his troops drowned, Ramses shook his fist at heaven, and said, “That’s not fair o’ you…”After the hot air balloon lowered itself to pick up a lost hiker, he said, “Thanks. That was very descent of you.”The tow truck operator had no more room for any more cars, because he had lots of pull… Happy Days’ cast members were swindled with a Fonzi scheme…After turning on his cloaking device, the Klingon radioed Captain Kirk and said, "Do I make myself clear?"My Grandparents Mel and Oma were quite a couple, but they died of skin cancer…Eliminating the penny from American currency would be non cents…Slinky enthusiasts go to Florida for spring training….The Biology teacher enjoyed teaching his students about fungi, because he liked to mold young minds…When the Scout leader saw the Cub’s project that used a rope, he said that it was knot worthy…His new limo was his wheels of fortune…He had a heart attack while eating his lettuce and tomatoes and ranch dressing. It was a real seizure salad!The rabbi got very upset, and threw a temple tantrum….After being told that his loan had been paid in full, he said, “Boy, am I glad to make your aquittance!”The enema of my enemy is my friend..The electricians had to guide the 18 wheelers to the back of the plant. In fact, they became semi conductors…The baker turned late-nite comic was a huge success with his rye sense of humor, and he soon became the toast of the town…“Are there a lot of Israelites in New York?” “Don’t Jew know it!”Santa Claus at Christmas time to Humpty Dumpty – “How have you been lately?” Humpty Dumpty to Santa Claus – “Not bad Santa. So far winter’s been great, and I also had a great fall…” The weight of an evangelist is one billigram…The Army Sergeant and the Corporal fell in love, but it was strictly a platoonic relationship….The sale of fireworks is skyrocketing!The nose is the scenter of the face…As the Jews started moving to Florida, people started shouting, “The Yiddish are coming, The Yiddish are coming!”King Arthur and his men like to hang out in knight clubs…David just had his ID stolen. He is now known as Dav…Dracula felt a strong attraction toward the young woman, but alas, it was all in vein…An unplugged electric guitar is a chordless model…After not being able to eat for 2 weeks because of her gallstones, she lost 13 pounds. However, she was a very sore loser…The lunar astronauts couldn’t unearth any moon rocks…The beautiful blonde married a miner, and became a real gold digger…The IHOP owner was on trial for murder. Under intense cross examination, he began to waffle...During his gunfight with Aaron Burr, Alexander Hamilton farted from eating too many pancakes that morning. It was the first ever example of a duel carb exhaust…Never go to a buffet with a taxidermist, because you could get stuffed…I tried out the new soft drink, and I found it to be sodalicious…The new skyscraper design was a failure on so many different levels…When the bar patrons complained that their drinks were watered down, the owner demanded more proof.I spilled my drink on the Hindu lady’s dress. I told her, “Sari…”The Irish designer of my lawn chair was Paddy O’Furniture…They were giving away free trampolines at the store, so I jumped on this offer!Don Ho's wife accidentally dropped some trinkets in her Cabernet, which prompted Don to start singing, ??"Tiny baubles, in your wine..." ??Many a sewer repairman suffers greatly from smell shock...The stripper had to quit, because she just couldn’t bare it any longer..I didn’t know which kind of shoes to buy, but the soft leather ones finally suede my decision…I failed to use the colander properly, so my wife gave me a restraining order…The earthquake in LA was all St. Andrew’s fault…The bride’s tears at her wedding were preceded by her eye dew….When Ben Cartwright got lost, the rest of the cast was looking for Lorne…“Come and see my big orange fish,” she said very koi-ly..She didn’t know if she really loved her dance partner with the broken leg, but for sure, she knew that he had a huge crutch on her…It was a sundae when Abe and Anna split…Bachelors are footloose and fiancé free…I wanted so much to date Amanda Lynn, but there were strings attached…I offered to reset all of her stopped clocks in her house, as she was a timeless beauty…When you get a bladder infection, urine real trouble..Venison for supper? Oh deer!Adam and Eve soon learned that forbidden fruit causes many jams…She made sure to put extra face powder on her forehead, so that she could finally make up her mind..Trig teachers sometimes like to speak using sine language…The barking dog wanted to be left alone, as he was having a ruff day…My wife said that I’m a skeptic, but who believes her?After hitting 714 home runs, the Babe was fired, ruthlessly…Mary Annette never liked me pulling her strings..The trouble with love triangles is that they soon become a wreck tangle…We started dating right after she backed into my car. So when asked how we met, it was quite by accident…Women like marriage, because it has a nice ring to it…She loved to hug and squeeze the apple of her eye, whenever he would sit down be cider… The English teacher was fired, and suffered from post grammatic stress disorder…The zombie husband had a hard time carrying his bride over the threshold, because she was a dead weight….When women get married, they get a new name and a dress…My wife gave me a high fidelity phone that would only call her number..The sultan arranged for his daughter’s husband when she was only five years old, in order to better pre-pair her for marriage…The psychic showed me the girl I would eventually marry, and it was definitely love at second sight…The designer of the Tacoma Narrows bridge which collapsed had some real truss issues…All of the nice hotels were full, so they finally found a place in Aspen to stay, as a last resort…The lesbian was forced to go out with a male by her father, who was always enforcing his mandates…I went to buy some extra large shrimp, at the prawn shop…The choir director and the lead singer fell in love with each other after singing “O Salutaris Hostia” and “Tantum Ergo.” Talk about hitting it off by chants!The beltmaker refused to quit, and he gave it his awl…The church festival was very strange, and somewhat bazaar…Desdemona suspected that her husband might try to kill her, so she tried to cheer him up by singing, “For he’s a jolly Othello…”Two Vikings were communicating by tapping on opposite sides of their jail cells, in what has become known as Norse code…After becoming broke, I decided to visit the south of France, where I had nothing Toulouse…The young apprentice at the coffee shop enjoyed all of the perks from being employed, but soon got tired of the daily grind…When leaving Nome for Russia, the sailor got lost, but eventually got his Bering straight...Tofu is overrated (It’s just a curd to me.)The Yankee just couldn’t understand what the southerner was saying, because he wasn’t too quick on the drawl…When teens find out how much the employer takes from his pay for taxes, it becomes a reality check…The cowboy decided to get a dachshund, because he wanted to get a long little doggie…When asked if he wanted to go hide in the forest, Robin Hood said, “Sherwood!”The gynecologist struck his nurse by accident with the cardboard tube from the wrapping paper, and she sued him, in the first case of tubal litigation…He had a fear of jumping over hurdles, but he finally got over it.Saddam Hussein once expelled the Red Cross from Iraq, but then decided that his decision was just a banned aid solution…The Sherpa guide was willing Tibet that the American would get lost…Brutus could not convince his partner to help him murder Julius Caesar on the Ides of March. When asked why, he said, “He claims to be a god, for pete’s sake, and I just can’t deicide…After spinning the Japanese, Chinese, and Korean patients around, they all 3 soon became dis oriented…In Egypt, patients who have sore muscles and joints always go see their Cairopractor…The Egyptian Alzheimer’s patient almost drowned in the river, before his nurse said, “see Nile!”The Pope ate so much lettuce, that he became known as a Romaine Catholic…When looking at the tower in Paris, the American knew that he was getting an Eiffel…The gulf between the guy who tells a joke and the guy who doesn’t get the joke is known as a sarchasm…Aztecs always broke their written contracts, even before the Inca was dry…It rained so much near Los Angeles; in fact, it seemed to come down in Torrance…The European immigrant was taken inland to Buffalo, NY. His sponsor told him that from there, he could wing it…People who ask the name of the most famous Saint in Ireland are likely to get a Pat answer…The history of Japanese sword fighting is rather lengthy, so let me just Samurais it for you….History know-nothings still looking for Soviet Czechoslovakia on a map don’t seem to make a lot of Prague-ress…The dermatologist’s problems were only skin deep…Saul of Tarsus became aPauled on his way to Damascus…When the whacko mass murderer escaped from the asylum, they decided to look for him on the psycho path…When the Indian met the retired hockey player for the Detroit Red Wings, he said, “HOWE.”All of these ancient Chinese philosopher sayings cause a lot of Confucion…The incontinent Scotsman seemed to always have a wee accident..In order to undergo brain surgery, one has keep an open mind…They fired the building inspector in Pisa, because he seemed to be leanient…The anesthesiologist wanted his computer to be hooked up to the ether net…Juneau if the capital of Alaska is easy to find? Yes, Yukon see it on the map, as it’s not an Aleutian…The man who started to siphon gas out of a car in the parking lot died after the unexpected rapid backflow caused him to swallow the gasoline. The doc said the cause of death was a fatal blow…Becoming a coroner seems to be a dying profession…Remodeling a kitchen is counter productive…My 3/8” drill has been getting easier to use, bit by bit…Although she despised deer hunting, the new bride decided to give it a shot…After getting a brain transplant, the patient changed his mind…The meter maid was slowly dying, from parking zones disease…After falling into the Mariana Trench, his status became abyssmal..Sexually transmitted diseases are caused by practicing license without a medicine…When the track referee retired, his coworkers all said that they would miss that old timer…The highly competitive opthamologists turned their practices into a contact sport…When the chiropractor’s patient came in as stiff as a board, he suspected the problem was in the lumbar region…After getting red spots all over her skin, all she got was a measly shot…When asked how his bruised knee was, the doctor said, “Swell.”He suffered from dry eyes for a long time, but eventually found a solution…I was going to start an Apathetics Anonymous club, but who really cares?The compulsive painter died from too many strokes…After coming back from his sex change operation, Fred’s coworkers knew that something was a miss…I always feel very depressed when the doctor puts that wooden stick on my tongue…She called in sick one day, because the doctor said that she had very close veins…Wooden canoes are made in Roanoke…After having his tonsils removed, the patient accused the doctor of being a real cutthroat…No one could understand the zombie graffiti, until someone came along and decrypted it…The psychiatrist treated his schizophrenia ….There were no two ways about it.."Say, who's gonna be our tour guide to the Himalayas?" "Well, Immanuel Kant, but I think that Ghengis Khan." "Really? Do you want Tibet?"When the Texan bought the generic brand of Picante Sauce, it was a real change of Pace…The circus performer pulled his trapezius muscle, but is now flying high on pain killers…Women who can no longer fit into their favorite dress anymore suffer from post traumatic dress syndrome…When the funeral director’s car broke down, they had to rehearse the burial..Mothers of triplets who have to decide which diaper to change when must have good end stinks....The reason that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson lived so long is that they had a very strong constitution…When the veterinarian lost his voice, he became a hoarse doctor….The snake charmer decided to really get dressed up, so she put on an extra garter…The Headless Horseman didn't know whether to kill his enemy or not, so he decided not to lose his head..The place to go get drunk overseas is offshore of mainland China, because there, you can really Taiwan on!The depressed hairdresser just wanted to curl up and dye….That Pennsylvania town was very strange…Downright Erie…William, the owner of the bank, appeared to be sad. His wife said to him, “Why so dolor, Bill?”After Bill Clinton won his second term, the Japanese prime minister said, “What a good erection…”The place where virgins keep their money is known as Chaste Bank…When Victor Mature appeared to promote RCA Victor, nothing went right, because, to the Victors, go the spoils...Ivy was such a nervous gal. She seemed to always be climbing the wall…People who cut up their charge cards are soon discredited...The dry cleaning store would never answer their phone, because they had lots of pressing business…In order to meet the weight requirement, the USAF Major had to establish a no-fry zone...The limo was a real pick me up for the stranded millionaire…When the ER patient finally saw his doctor, he said, ICU!When asked how the jungle expedition was going, Bwana said, “Safari, so good.”The movie about the iron foundry had a huge casting call…Marie Antoinette saw the peasants storming the castle, and she knew what she might beheaded for…In New Orleans, University students take Driver’s Ed on a Tulane Highway…Mohammed like to sleep on a blow up mattress…“A country that runs on oil can’t afford to run short” is a really crude saying..The chicken thief was also accused of poaching eggs….Stringing catgut can really cause a racket…I found a friend on Facebook named Hontas…I really like to poke a Hontas….When the winds died down, the kite flyers were dis gusted…FINALLY! The new bowling alley opened, and got the ball rolling…Achieving oneness with the universe is not a matter of if, but Zen… The patron saint of bald men is Saint Hedwig....After breaking off the engagement with the snake charmer, he really wanted his diamondback…After eating the duck, the snake got a little down in the mouth….AF Pilots are not remotely interested in flying drones..The Thanksgiving turkey was so good that everyone gobbled it down…The extravagant bill for the lobster dinner left the diner shell-shocked…Kids who are afraid of the dark are usually light sleepers…The arm wrestling champ always won hand over fist…As I was watching the thunderstorm roll in, I couldn’t figure out how lightning worked…and then it struck me…Calvinists who love and admire their laws and declarations in their Westminster Catechism condemning the Catholic Church are guilty of worshiping statutes....The Dalai Lama goes into Pizza Hut, and says, “Make me one, with everything.”The Bermuda grass salesman killed the St. Augustine grass salesmen in a turf war. It was so sod…When I first saw the Arabian Peninsula, I said to myself, “O MAN!”I can never properly digest milk, because I lactose bacteria it takes…The lady of the evening made a pass at the guard when she was let out of jail, and was immediately re-arrested for ending a sentence with a proposition…Neutrons are cheap, because they are always free of charge…While observing the massive gamma ray outburst, the astronomer was star-struck.Edgar Allen Poe wrote "The Raven" so that everyone would rally to his caws.... When he picked up the split to win the bowling championship, it was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop…The Hindu couldn’t find peace. The Christian told him, “Sikh, and you will find…”He liked his steak cooked very lightly, on rare occasions…The short distance runner lost his sprint, which dashed his hopes for a medal…An Agnostic – someone who isn’t sure if Texas A&M exists or not…The Japanese cook went out for a quick wok….The Indian’s corn crop was a maizing…So the Norse god of thunder and lightning goes into a doctor’s office, sees all of the patients sitting there in front of him, and in an attempt to get fast service, hollers out, “I AM MIGHTY THOR!” The doctor hears the commotion, walks out into the waiting room and says, “Tho thorry. Thwallow thith athpirin ATHAP.”Angry smokers are fuming…The witch decided to sit down for a spell…The 5 piece band stopped at Dairy Queen and got a combo meal…During their trial, the union workers who destroyed the non-union lettuce at the grocery store were told that they had the right to romaine silent…Taxi passengers always pay their fare share…The rail passengers were told to get off, and were summarily detrained…Bruce Wayne had a very big house, in a manor of speaking…Vatican news releases are the voice of the papal…He liked to go to the doctor’s gym to hang out in the weighting room…“Yes, I love dark high fiber bread,” he said with a rye grin…She mended my socks, and did a darn good job…God asked Joshua how the destruction of Jericho was coming along. He said, “Shofar, so good!”The Cyclops teacher only had one pupil…During the poker game, my father’s sister auntied up…Women talk the most, to say the least…The billy goat has mohair than a nanny goat…He was going to wrestle down the longhorn, but then decided to steer clear…He swallowed a fingernail file, and soon developed a raspy voice…When asked to come to the heart of the matter, he said, “Gist a minute….”After undergoing menopause, she said, “Well, it’s all ova now!”The sofa factory laid everyone off, but gave them a huge bonus to cushion their unemployment…Although he had gone deaf, the math major could still communicate using sine language…The designer of the new $100 bill was very proud of his noteworthy accomplishment…Shakespeare just couldn’t finish his play, but finally, he got his act together….The dermatologist couldn’t pull out of the swindle, because he had skin in the game…When he saw the electrician putting in a new circuit, the supervisor said, “Wire you doing that?”The new tour guide in the Everglades had so many visitors that he became swamped…The landscaper told his girlfriend, “I love you mower than ever, but not as mulch as I will tomorrow..”After switching over to tokens from currency, the bus driver said that no quarter would be asked, and no quarter would be given..He couldn’t get the fire to start, so his buddy handed him some liquid, and said, “Here. Diesel get it started…”After getting fired, the magician became disillusioned…The aging skier just couldn’t perform anymore, as his ability had really gone downhill fast…The new tailor was well suited for his job…The weatherman was having trouble remembering yesterday’s forecast, as his memory was becoming partly cloudy…The geometric artist was having trouble imagining what a cube looked like, because he was having a mental block….Rapunzel’s hair stylist learned fast that there were no short cuts….Women have trouble getting ahead in the postal service, because it is a mail dominated profession..The new taxidermist really knew his stuff…In feudalism, it’s your count that votes…A great letter carrier always keeps you posted…The lawyer was having trouble reading the fine print, so he got some contract lenses…The longshoreman came in late, and due to pier pressure, had his pay docked..Why do liberals go ballistic over the NRA?Big cities always vote democrat, proving that their population is dense…The gardener was fired, because he didn’t know the ground rules..When the core of the nuclear reactor melted down, the reaction was swift….When the cargo boat on the Mississippi river ran into the bridge, the captain apologized for barging in like that…As he babbled on, his wife said, “That is utter nonsense.”The King’s favorite song was “??Serf City??.”The bus company’s new coinage was met with token resistance…The fake tombstone was a real RIPoff…When the homosexual went to Panama, he decided to go strait…The solo singer was off key, and got into a lot of treble…The sleeping toro was a real bull dozer…When told to get away from the port side of the ship, the sailor said that he would get right on it…The queen held the door open for the King’s clown. She thought it was a nice jester…When she started having periods, she lamented the fact that her childhood was gone, and said, “It’s all ova now!”She liked her mailman, because he always kept her posted…The electrician’s daughter talked back to him, so he grounded her…When the beekeeper moved into the neighborhood, he created quite a buzz…After missing the target time after time due to high winds, the two marksmen decided to go home and to stop shooting the breeze…She became a telemarketer, because she just felt like it was her calling…The romance novelist finally retired, as she just ran out of steam…The worker at the sawmill left his duty station, because he was no longer feeling chipper…The anesthesiologist said that he was going under, ether way…The monks decided to make a new album. They took a real chants…The metal engraver always made a good impression…When the writer developed a cramp in his hand, the doctor diagnosed it as authoritis…The poker player was a sucker for a good cause, so he decided to chip in…When the writer started to use his basement for his office, he immediately had a best cellar…The scientist was very proud of studying invertabrates, and made no bones about it…The writer couldn’t decide whether or not to use the first person or the third person in his writing, because he was just too tense…Velcro - what a rip off!When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.After making the pirate walk the plank, the Captain wondered if he hadn’t gone a little overboard…The captain of the Nautilus just couldn’t fathom how deep he was in the water…Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wanted to go kill a deer, but first, he had to get a poetic license…Bob Hope was given an award after he died, posthumorously…When she fell in love with the novelist, she knew in her heart that she had met Mr. Write…I was going to ask her if she liked decorative pin jewelry, but I didn’t know how to brooch the subject…The old maid fell in love with a zombie, because he told her that he loved her for her brain…The Russian ambassador was always hard to beat in one-on-one pickup basketball games, because his shots were always nothing but nyet…Jeannie’s psychiatrist told her master that she has to stop bottling up her emotions…When dating people from Dallas, always practice safe Tex....After taking a tour of Chernobyl, the talk show host became radio-active.She loved to steal glances at the medical examiner, out of the coroner of her eye…Clones are people two! The web surfers at the internet café instantly fell in love. Something just clicked between them…Stigmatists are very holey people…My wife is such an angel…She is always harping on something….The workers at the US Mint make a lot of money…“THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFI”When the King of France murdered the Crusader Knights, he said, “Yore time is up.”The botanist wiped off the moisture on his plant as he was performing his dew diligence…People who are cremated really urn their keep…Pterodactyls don’t make any noise while urinating, because the pee is silent…The banker proposed to his financee’….When Martin Luther threw out 7 books of the Bible during his reformation, he became a loose canon…“It was so nice of you to get the corn from the garden ready to put in the pot, young man!” “Ah shucks, ma’am…”The boutique went out of business with a clothes-out sale…I named my dog Liberace, as he was the pianist dog I ever did see….The hillbilly rock musicians from Georgia started a group called “The Harmony Grits….”The young cowboy had to call it a day, when his dad told him, “It’s pasture bedtime…”Some religious people can be very amen-able…Attila the Hun’s favorite book is “It Takes A Pillage…”I enjoyed reading Von Bismark’s ottobiography…My angel’s favorite song is “??I Ain’t Got No Body??…”The orthopedic surgeons issued a joint resolution…Levi Strauss was a real smarty pants…He didn’t have much thyme, but the spice salesman did manage to give his salesforce some sage advice.The Ford Motor Company had a huge recall. They found tuna in their Mercury’s…Students at Colorado University are much boulder than other students….The usher really put me in my place!The telephone operator’s working days were numbered…When Disney fired all of their cartoonists, they were in a state of suspended animation…When he asked me to take a back seat, I did not take affront….I thought I'd dug up an unknown species of dinosaur in my garden. Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum, but it turned out to be a fossil arm.Honey producers like to sing when they rob the hive, in bee flat…When he was turned away from the R-rated movie because of his age, it was a minor inconvenience..She got sick on Friday, and for the next 2 days, was very weakened…He had a haunch that in reality, he was eating the cow’s hindquarter…In canoes, oars are usually found two in a row…The rumor about changing the Carmex formula was on everyone’s lips…Chinese food to go: $14.59. Gas to retrieve said food: $2.79. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of the containers...Riceless.Shark fishermen are real chums…The dermatologist came off as molier than thou..God gave me my kids, a-parent-ly…My podiatrist has such a callus attitude…Popeye had just finished plucking a goose when a gust of wind scattered all of the feathers. He said, 'Well, blow me down.'The Israelites knew that whenever Moses held up his stick, it was time for a staff meeting…The King’s hemmorhoids were a royal pain in the butt..The new podiatrist opened up shop across from the old podiatrist. He soon became his arch enemy…Shares of Comedy Central, Inc., have become a real laughing stock…When arrested by the cops, Marcel Marceau had nothing to say…Last year my Slinky came apart during spring break!The cemetery planted new grass on a new grave. They really covered up the plot.The stripper couldn’t play the guitar, because she lost the G string…On the last day of the first year, Adam said to his wife, “Happy New Year’s, Eve.”The new masseuse was fired. She just rubbed people the wrong way…Clark Kent likes to do all of his shopping at the SUPER marketThe snobby Brit’s wife divorced him, because he got his ascot with another woman.The new design for the golden Holy Communion plate was on hold until approved by the Vatican. I guess you could say it is paten pending....The Herb Grilled Salmon was not available this week at The Olive Garden. Seems that Herb is on vacation.The largest number of cardiac surgeons in the US come from the....heartland...The tire repairman always charged a flat fee…The Potato Indians liked to scallop their enemies…When arrested, the madam of the house of ill repute said, “Am I my brothel’s keeper?The Crimean cannibal loved Tatar tots.A curling iron is a permanent solution to a hairy situation…I was going to tell a joke to the guy at the meat market, but I was afraid I would butcher it…Van Gogh lacked patience, and decided to play it by ear…The square dance caller got paid with dosee dough…The barber had to cut his staff…Uncle Ebb was fit to be tide…When asked to take a look under Blackbeard’s patch, the optometrist said, “Eye Eye, Captain…”He like to wear his 1970’s Stetson, because to him, it was old hat…The wedding cake fell on the new bride, which brought tiers to her eyes…Making the chocolate birthday dessert was a real piece of cake…When Julius Caesar walked into the Senate, all hail broke loose…She wanted to learn how to polka, because she heard that men liked to watch women Pole dancing…My new toaster always overcooked the bread. I threw it away because I am black toast intolerant.My golden retriever was a real go getter..When asked if she could sew up a hole in his trousers to keep his change from falling out, she replied, “Hey, it ain’t pocket science!”The diamond was found hidden in the carat cake…In the choir, the alto took care of his partner with tenor loving care..... When the White Zinfindel merchant opened up his shop in his basement, he became quite a wine seller…The husband to be spent a lot of time grooming himself…The surgeon knew that the operation would be successful, because he just had a gut feeling….The carpenter got arthritis, and soon began to lumber around.He preferred to shop in Mexico, because down there, he didn’t have to peso much…At first, he liked studying the San Andreas Fault, but soon found it wasn’t what it was cracked up to be.When her throat got sore, the hairdresser took some coif drops.... The manicurist competition was a real nail biter...They neutered the stray dogs before bringing them in, figuring that an ounce of prevention was better than a pound of curs.Quasimodo laughed when they told him it was hump day…Quasimodo’s normal brother was named Humphree….Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis are Rome mates…Oscar was born to be Wilde…When the weatherman said that we were in for gale force winds, he really blew me away.Mary didn't make a good Queen of England, because she didn't like to tudor own horn...Micky Mouse was set to star in his first movie, “Love is a Minnie Splendored Thing.”My grandfather’s favorite fruit tree was a papaw…He proposed to her in the little room in front of the church sanctuary. He burst out in song, singing, "Foyer love, I would do anything..."The smartest gnu in the herd is known as a brainy yak…He was worried that he might have overcooked the steaks, but his wife told him, “Well done!”Isaac had a very Stern look….Textile workers come from closely knit families…When the Dairy Queen instructor retired, they had to hire a new Sundae School teacher….In order to fully utilize a seeing eye dog, you have to unleash his potential.I have always pictured myself taking selfies.The stripper soon tired of the same old thong and dance…The body builder had lots of flex appeal…He watered down my whiskey shot. I felt so diluted...When the buxom blonde with long silky hair went into the office to pay her hotel bill, the manager decided to check her out…One should always handle baby goats with kid gloves.The war between the rich snobs and the middle class was quite a caste of characters…Lizzie Borden liked to go on Ax Retreats…The exotic dancer quit her day job to invest in strip shopping centers...Scientists have spliced the DNA of a human with a sea cow. Oh, the humanatee.Apple Computers is teaming up with McDonalds to sell Big Macs...Removing the shell from a snail makes it more sluggish...The blonde liked to go into the ocean, because she heard that’s where the buoys were…While admiring the 3D artwork, he said, “Isn’t that spatial!”The husband to be was found eating in the dininggroom...When playing hide and seek with my niece, I always made her cry “UNCLE!”The English teacher left the convent before taking her final vowels….The rooster told the hen to cheer up and quit brooding…The decal with two snakes wrapped around a rod on doctors’ cars are known as vindshield vipers…What do you call a one-legged Irish woman? Eileen. What do you call a one-legged Japanese woman? Irene. What do you call a one-legged Italian woman? Lena.The two family farmers combined operations, and were very cooperative…I hated her corned beef sandwich, but I didn’t complain. No sense in reuben it in..Did you know that all Indy 500 contestants are racists?As he was boring holes in the metal, he was singing, “??Beautiful reamer??…”She asked me if I wanted mini blinds. I said, “No, just a few.”I thought my bait was all dead, but they were just suffering from minnow pause…The angel’s halo made him light headed…The wolf tried to make a loud shrieking noise, but he didn’t know howl…Finding the right apartment to live in can be a complex situation…The novel about the Knights of the Round Table was the Arthurized version…As Porky Pig said when maneuvering his plane from left to right, “That’s yaw’l folks!”Stay tuned to the rest of this file for some great parody pics…… 4669288998Recommended ReadingThe BibleThe Imitation of ChristThe Spiritual CombatLETTER TO THE FRIENDS OF THE CROSS HYPERLINK "" THE LOVE OF ETERNAL WISDOMThe Secret of the RosaryCatholic Answers texasag73@ ................
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