Term Definition Introduced In

Speak Up and Be Heard Key Terms

Term

Aggressive

Assertive Conscious mind Discipline

Passive

Passive aggressive

Rational emotive therapy Unconscious mind Willpower

Definition Displaying the behavior or tendency to make one's own feelings paramount, including a willingness to hurt feelings and break ties to serve oneself; brash and abrasive, particularly in a conflict Confident and expressive, this learned communication style equally regards the feelings of others and self; typically an individual with self-esteem and does not engage in conflict needlessly The part of the brain that controls behavior, rational thinking, and learning The ability to reject immediate satisfaction in order to gain something better later on Typically displaying the behavior or tendency to regard others feelings as paramount without active display of negative feelings or emotions; individual is often quiet and walked over Typically displaying the behavior or tendency toward negative feelings, resentment, and/or aggression in an unassertive passive way; examples include stubbornness and procrastination A cognitive therapy based on a theory that one can learn to adjust behavior by reviewing one's thoughts and feelings and finding rational responses The part of the brain that controls feelings and emotions The inner strength that overcomes inner emotional and mental resistance for taking action

Introduced In

Module 5

Module 5 Module 3 Module 2

Module 5

Module 5

Module 3 Module 3 Module 2

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SPEAK UP AND BE HEARD MODULE ONE ? CONFIDENCE FUNDAMENTALS

Female:

Module number one - Confidence Fundamentals. Confidence is just simply your belief in yourself. That's all it is. It's whether you believe you're good enough. And what's interesting is I remember years ago watching TV and there was a gentleman ? a trickster, if you will ? and he was showing people that by simply having confidence, he could convince somebody of something that wasn't even true. Let me share with you what I saw. He was at a race track and he bought a ticket. He says, "It doesn't even matter which course you bet on. Just bet on any horse." And he chose a horse. That horse did not win ? did not win by a longshot. But by strictly having confidence, he went up to that glass window, turned in his ticket, and said, "I've got the winning ticket." And the lady looked at him and said, "No, I'm sorry. You don't." He goes, "Oh, yes. Yes, I do. Double check it." And she looked at it and goes, "No, no, I don't think you do." He goes, "No, I'm absolutely certain the ticket is a winning ticket." By the third time, just on confidence alone, she went ahead and paid it out. Now he was showing how con artists do things. And I'm not suggesting any of us should be a con artist, but it's your confidence that influences how people treat you. And when we build up our confidence, people start to treat us differently. When we believe in ourselves, other people start to believe in themselves. Have you ever met somebody and thought, "Wow, they just don't have any confidence in themselves," and it almost made you not have confidence in them as well? See, if they don't believe in

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themselves, it makes it hard for others to believe in them. So let's just do a quick confidence check. Evaluate yourself real quick. Think about a few things. Is your life the way you want it to be? Do you have everything you currently want? And if not, let's find out what it is you're looking for and let's start working towards getting it. Now how do you feel physically? Is your confidence as high as it could be? Do you find that you're getting tension in your shoulders? Are you finding that our slumping? How are you feeling emotionally? What are the lifestyle changes that you need to make to make life better and to get more out of what you want? And lastly, what are the fears, reservations, or barriers to change, and how can you address each of these? See, our confidence shows in many different ways. It leaks out of who we are. In fact when you're confident, you do what you know is right, what you believe in even if it offends or criticizes other people See, you understand what you believe in and you're willing to stand for something. And when you're confident, it's so much easier to do. Now when you're confident, you're able to learn from mistakes versus becoming defensive and trying to justify. When you're confident, you can accept complements, especially when you've database something good, because you know you're worth it. You know you deserve it. And you can feel good about yourself. Being confident contributes to our entire aura and how people see us. Confidence is the magic potion. But when you're unconfident, interesting things happen. You start basing your feelings on how other people feel about yourself. I remember when I was going

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through college and I graduated, and I just had gotten out of school. I had been working for a couple of companies. This was about four years after graduating. And four years after graduating, I had gone through four jobs in four years. At that time, somebody very, very close to me said, "What's wrong with you?" And you know, that resonated with me for more than ten years. "What's wrong with you?" And I was basing how I felt because I was unconfident about how others were feeling about me. And it took me ten years to overcome that. So when you're unconfident and you don't believe in yourself, it's almost like we have cracks in our armor. When other people say things, it goes straight to the heart. And whatever they do say, whether it's intentional or unintentional, and the person who said this didn't truly mean any harm. It just slipped off their tongue. It's just whatever fell out of their mouth. They weren't meaning to be mean. But I took it to heart and I spent ten years trying to overcome, "What's wrong with you?" until I finally realized that person really didn't mean any harm. It was just their perspective. And they couldn't understand why I was struggling to stay in a career that I thought I lived, that I was really happy with. And later I found out there was something bigger waiting for me, and that was just a way of one door closing so another door could open. And see, when you're in unconfidence, you tend to stay in your comfort zone. Because I was unconfident, I wanted to stay as an employee. I wanted to stay working in a big company. That's where I wanted to be because it was comfortable. It hid the fact that I was unconfident. On top of that,

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there were times that I bragged. I bragged about how great I was. My friends and family would hear it, and that was part of the reason they said, "What's wrong with you?" I had a chemical engineering degree. I graduated, you know, one of the few women to graduate from my class. I made it all the way through. I was so proud of what I had done that when they saw this, they said, "Well what's wrong with you? What's going on?" And so my unconfidence was a crack in my armor, a crack in my selfesteem, and you'll hear me use those words almost interchangeably ? self-confidence and self-esteem, really we're talking about the same thing, two sides of one coin. And on top of that, when I did start recovering, until my confidence had built back, I started to push off complements. People would say, "Oh, you did a great job!" "Oh yeah, it was just nothing. No, really. I'm just me." And it was because I wasn't confident in myself. So over the next couple of minutes, I'm going to go over some very specific ways to develop confidence, very specific things. And I'm going to highly recommend you take some notes. But to understand what I'm sharing with you, because my goal is to help you become more confident, I want you to be that person that knows who they are and has that literally Teflon foil wrapping that if anybody says anything negative or anything hurtful that you can understand it wasn't you. It was something on them. And I want you to build that confidence. And all of that starts with selfawareness. That starts with you being aware of the fact that you might have a crack in your armor, that you might have a little area where

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